You may Delay, but Time will Not

 

"Take twice as long to eat half as much."

Since I'm Never Giving Up...

I might as well just do it. You know that feeling? Yeah, I think I've discussed it before... It's just funny how I get talked back into eating rather easily these days, and I pretend like it's not going to come back to haunt me. Well, it is. Because the reality is, my mind will always come back to this place. Always. That's never going to change, I will always want to be thin.

So, since I'm never giving up, I need to just do this. 

I'm going to just make myself happy and stop giving in to things I know I will regret!!

I need to think about the long term goal.

I have one month left of living with my parents. I'm officially moving out in May to live with my dear boy, whom I won't be seeing again until the day I move in. Holy crap! It's exciting and it's also a wonderful chance to stay ON TRACK for an entire month. I CAN DO THIS. He's usually the cause of me binging, for reasons I discuss often. So I have a lot of time now to get my head on straight before the move. And once I move in I'm going to grocery shop and FINALLY be in control of the food available to me, instead of just hoping to find something healthy in what my parents buy and stare longingly at the junk food they chose to bring home.

Woke up late today, again hardly feeling inspired to restrict, but I could tell I was going to. I'm in a weird place emotionally. I want to eat, I want to stuff my face in fact, and the cravings are unbearably strong. I just know that the regret is too much for me right now, that I just don't want to be in that dark place again, and it's the only thing keeping me going.

I spent time today looking at pictures I took about a month back of my body, and then I took some about a week ago and I really compared them... It was depressing. I gain so fast and lose so slow, it's so obvious my metabolism isn't great.... I just hate feeling like I've set myself back so much. It's not motivating. Sigh. But like I said, I can't give up.

I'm in this for the long haul. This run must be different. It must be the best.

I haven't weighed in so long, I'm so afraid of the scale and yet I want to know so badly...

So, my plan is to weigh myself on Monday. And I will add my weight to my calendar!

Also, I couldn't update last night because I lost internet for a while, ugh, so I'm posting intake & calorie calendar info for both days in this post.

 

 Yesterday's Intake

Breakfast: An Apple (35 cal)

Lunch/Snack: Non-Fat Strawberry Yogurt (100 cal)

Dinner: Steak, mashed potatoes, salad (~350 cal)
Small portions, low cal dressing

Fluids: Green Tea x5 (0 cal)
Pomegranate Green Tea x4 (0 cal)
Passionfruit Mango Green Tea x3 (0 cal)
Rasberry and Goji Berry Green Tea x3 (0 cal)
Water x2 (0 cal)


Total: 485 cal

 Today's Intake

 

Breakfast: An Apple (35 cal)

Lunch/Snack: Another Apple (35 cal)
3 Altoids Mints (10 cal)

Dinner: 1 Homemade wheat Waffle w/1tsp strawberry jam (150 cal)
CalorieCount.com says waffles are about 80, but that sounds so low..
Also, 1 tbsp of the jam was 50 cal, but I only had 1 tsp.. Rounding up anyway. 

Fluids: Iced Pomegranate Green Tea x7 (0 cal)
Passionfruit Mango Green Tea x3 (0 cal)
Red Goji and Rasberry Green Tea x6 (0 cal)
Water x1 (0 cal)


Total: 230 cal

Calorie Calendar (4/4 - 4/10)

Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
• 485	• 230	300	200	400	500	300

 Calorie Goal :: Calorie Total :: • Met Goal :: • Over Goal :: • Incomplete 

This Week's Excess Calories: 0
Goal: Weigh-in on Monday 4/11 & incorporate weight to my chart