tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38481462018392738682024-03-19T04:43:44.009-07:00The Pursuit of PrettyThis is the story of a girl who wants to be thin, at any cost, and to be perfect in every way she can imagine.Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.comBlogger107125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-72146593865445977012013-01-17T19:39:00.000-08:002013-01-17T19:39:53.573-08:00Hope Guides<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXf2wlwAElpK6t13dTrMI2D4XAzpOevUunUUHJ0cMwH-_6EQ0KgXO6zwYIPPHdropLjPcoK18s7r9jfq7f2KQz2UJG9Nh_6nzbd6YWjocqY2s1iJVXDefQAf4ZioJjToBWoPOsEweLEFd2/s1600/tumblr_ljg40mNtoB1qc144qo1_500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXf2wlwAElpK6t13dTrMI2D4XAzpOevUunUUHJ0cMwH-_6EQ0KgXO6zwYIPPHdropLjPcoK18s7r9jfq7f2KQz2UJG9Nh_6nzbd6YWjocqY2s1iJVXDefQAf4ZioJjToBWoPOsEweLEFd2/s320/tumblr_ljg40mNtoB1qc144qo1_500_large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">"Hope guides me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It is what gets me through the day, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">and especially the night."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">- A Knights Tale</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Hope keeps me thinking: All is not lost.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It is not too late, we have not gone too far.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I sit at home, alone. Watching Mad Men.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Doing sit ups.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I haven't eaten anything today. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Yesterday I ate some soup broth, three carrots,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">and a handful of craisins. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can't say I am happy, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">but my mind is calm.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It's not like being in a fog;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">it's as if I <i>am</i> the fog.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calm, sober, silent. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Drifting along without much to say.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">No one can understand this place but us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Anyway... I bought a new scale.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It's kept me focused.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Since I recently started blogging again I have fasted twice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am very happy with that... I think.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It feels like I am somewhere else.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">There's so much to be happy about, so much celebration going on in my life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">My birthday is tomorrow.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">But I can't touch it. I don't think I can touch anything.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I feel like I've locked my heart away again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Thank you for the comments on my last blog,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">and Olivia - I have missed your blogs very much. I still think of them. :) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am glad to be back here.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I feel very wrapped up in the shame of my failure, after so many blogs about how great I am </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">at losing weight and living life, ha! I hope you still accept me as I am.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><3</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Love and hugs to all of you out there.</span></div>
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Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-29757038114855672662013-01-13T20:01:00.004-08:002013-01-13T20:01:56.076-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6OJujqAIDtLhnvLXQN79QPT2kAfqpBCim1xM32VJKuoMbVyGk69qVmjydY-SSsM48itOrPW8MrwMJmQtkks_26P2s8h8AMKPB5LktWae_lCHdIE92Znk6phas4f6J2-SjWchPe-TRs3Ym/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6OJujqAIDtLhnvLXQN79QPT2kAfqpBCim1xM32VJKuoMbVyGk69qVmjydY-SSsM48itOrPW8MrwMJmQtkks_26P2s8h8AMKPB5LktWae_lCHdIE92Znk6phas4f6J2-SjWchPe-TRs3Ym/s320/images.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can't stay long to write..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">But I guess I wanted to say,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">everything is going really, really good. :)</span></div>
Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-63247009042960242992013-01-09T17:02:00.002-08:002013-01-09T17:02:41.510-08:00A Far Cry<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8itcLXBtvEsbXFL8z9BGDXRykoUW37Ck_vjTCdLxJrAV3lR5E9fv7jX0opjQxDn9l5-M0l-7m6p8y-hQnnWE-8sR4BhC3paqbuVRl8lMkzFZEoWR5-t8vnNwr3mbGiZb3-aYe-vLW0rdd/s1600/191121577906646894_n2TqzTGj_c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8itcLXBtvEsbXFL8z9BGDXRykoUW37Ck_vjTCdLxJrAV3lR5E9fv7jX0opjQxDn9l5-M0l-7m6p8y-hQnnWE-8sR4BhC3paqbuVRl8lMkzFZEoWR5-t8vnNwr3mbGiZb3-aYe-vLW0rdd/s400/191121577906646894_n2TqzTGj_c.jpg" width="277" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am a far cry from the girl I was those years ago.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It's strange to find myself looking back into this world, a world that use to be mine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am turning 21 in less than ten days.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">In some ways, I am stronger. In others, I have become weak.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can't say I've made any great self improvements.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can't say there's much to be proud of this birthday.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">But I feel stable. I feel ready.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I want, I need, this year to be my year. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I want to become so much more than I am today.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIZcxGQKItCR7XXiY1z6yVK0c3_fjR-qbW3Bc5wWFRu_gucuVwXd72M22O4ksTu74yl1NwfkAOFsReBr3gtWegWgcPanEhIvLmY642n58c2KrdH3IC4Q0uizA-f-Un6mC39_4W4TblsNSB/s1600/191121577908270040_RH3Ehgbv_c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIZcxGQKItCR7XXiY1z6yVK0c3_fjR-qbW3Bc5wWFRu_gucuVwXd72M22O4ksTu74yl1NwfkAOFsReBr3gtWegWgcPanEhIvLmY642n58c2KrdH3IC4Q0uizA-f-Un6mC39_4W4TblsNSB/s400/191121577908270040_RH3Ehgbv_c.jpg" width="298" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjHr9W1R02Hp4DkDfv7KyT2XkMIOw94wTTz1vkAG0hPcTBHXSY_vESEnDIwmlMRNPbjLFhhQfpaIbZYYygGUj_WMsAOZHMWa_W3_ETMdUFwv1f7nQf-WqrfA4THJTUUB_NsaWY_sf1sGSS/s1600/acid_burn_by_ashenebal-d4dxyp1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjHr9W1R02Hp4DkDfv7KyT2XkMIOw94wTTz1vkAG0hPcTBHXSY_vESEnDIwmlMRNPbjLFhhQfpaIbZYYygGUj_WMsAOZHMWa_W3_ETMdUFwv1f7nQf-WqrfA4THJTUUB_NsaWY_sf1sGSS/s400/acid_burn_by_ashenebal-d4dxyp1.jpg" width="255" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I spent today reflecting on everything. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Most especially reflecting on the things I have neglected:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> My body, my diet, my wardrobe, my self worth. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I have come to a single conclusion:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">There is no other option left.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">There is no other way I can be happy in who I am,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">without taking care of my neglected body.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I have so much to be happy for in my life, so much to take pride in.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And I am dishonoring all of it by not being happy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can not be happy without being thin.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can't say I'll be blogging often, or regularly at all.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can say that the next time you hear from me, I promise you, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I will be on the right path.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqP_lbv94Z40GluGmng-3ybBy3IKvngXHkOMBc6W-LbdlL-ELqRiCk0y0NmD4HudNDAHoKg7tHg3XEmjooqVk6p4tIKwIbP0wUA5F2MJgTDzAFxSEA9eRhIt7esYeP-Kf76wC9BJ_onpMT/s1600/tumblr_lj5fmkB5P31qi1ctro1_500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqP_lbv94Z40GluGmng-3ybBy3IKvngXHkOMBc6W-LbdlL-ELqRiCk0y0NmD4HudNDAHoKg7tHg3XEmjooqVk6p4tIKwIbP0wUA5F2MJgTDzAFxSEA9eRhIt7esYeP-Kf76wC9BJ_onpMT/s400/tumblr_lj5fmkB5P31qi1ctro1_500_large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-85696558989244546002012-02-27T17:48:00.000-08:002012-02-27T17:48:51.686-08:00Loss.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhG74hYevdKcS8-lG2mQEmr9gpYGs_7ebhY6DiDBAMGVh3TnoAHkQqSznDBXXs_OsLsp-XmcmHz0uf3xc7EsdOTDiEkNSPSHuCKkOUlesfUcsbrL0CitY_78QhU6BcJ-HzoJ5iP2iShGFm/s1600/tumblr_l8slodL0JK1qae3ih_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhG74hYevdKcS8-lG2mQEmr9gpYGs_7ebhY6DiDBAMGVh3TnoAHkQqSznDBXXs_OsLsp-XmcmHz0uf3xc7EsdOTDiEkNSPSHuCKkOUlesfUcsbrL0CitY_78QhU6BcJ-HzoJ5iP2iShGFm/s1600/tumblr_l8slodL0JK1qae3ih_large.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">At the temple, there is a poem called "Loss" carved into the stone. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">You cannot read Loss, only feel it.</span> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">- Memoirs of a Geisha</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Memoirs of a Geisha is one of my favorite movies. I find Geisha tragic and inspiring. They lived in a world devoted to pain and beauty, subservient to their art and to their men, but had more control than any of us will probably ever know. I envy that resolve, those unbreakable boundaries. They would not think well of me for saying so, but I'm not really wired right anyway.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Well, I'm sort of shocked that things didn't go as planned, I bombed probably on every day except Monday & Tuesday, but they weren't wonderful successes either. I can hardly believe a week has passed already.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Atleast my sweetheart and I have decided to start running together at night, after we get out of work. It's nice. It feels good. We're going for a run again tonight.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I just don't know who I have become. I'm a different person here, in this different world.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">All I can feel is apathy. I haven't felt like this since I was a kid...</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And the thing is.. it starts to feel nice, not to care, to just relax and take things as they are...</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">But I find myself in such pits of depression, staring at this flesh for endless hours... I look at it like it's a book written in a foreign language. I just can't understand what it is, what it means to see all of that flesh.... That fat...</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I keep reading old blog posts of mine. I was so different, just a short year ago... And the years and years before that... My life use to have a rhythm, a pattern; ups and downs and it was all very common and I always knew what I wanted, where I was going, when I was doing poorly and when I wasn't.... </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Man, I whine a lot. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
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</div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-20027244151936629842012-02-20T16:57:00.000-08:002012-02-20T17:49:14.608-08:00Some Other Things<div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDO70yDzLz4vnFdojxHkYpy_VH28sDpHt0js7umoEuca6j99-BRlLjirMdK7_hfULdptf7gTVT2_zOTPkcEN7a8lx_zmfLLMdwA0hNU3TMi-IkQmmehplDg-4vI5Vwl99vc5uhs6cOQqnX/s1600/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDO70yDzLz4vnFdojxHkYpy_VH28sDpHt0js7umoEuca6j99-BRlLjirMdK7_hfULdptf7gTVT2_zOTPkcEN7a8lx_zmfLLMdwA0hNU3TMi-IkQmmehplDg-4vI5Vwl99vc5uhs6cOQqnX/s1600/3.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: 'Homemade Apple';"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Sorry for posting again so soon, but I wanted to start my calorie counting again, like I use to.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">So this is just a quickie. And here we go. =)</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">As you can see from my "goals" I'm going to try to ease myself back into this.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Wednesdays are my day off, the hardest day of the week to be "good", so I'm going to aim to be less than 1000, but I don't want to get too hopeful... Yeah, I really have gotten that bad.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I will update this tonight hopefully.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: 'Homemade Apple';">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;">Bowl of Banana Bread Oatmeal + milk (~<b>200 </b>cal)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lunch/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> -</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner:</b> -</span></div><div><br />
</div><div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Hot Earl Grey tea with milk and honey (<b>100</b> cal maybe)</span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">300 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 800</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: 'Homemade Apple';">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="text-align: center; width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td></tr>
<tr><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: x-small;"><b>800</b></span></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: x-small;"><b>800</b></span></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: x-small;"><b>1000</b></span></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: small;">800</b> </td><td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>700</b></span></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">800</span></span></b></td><td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">700</span></span></b></td></tr>
<tr><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #666666; font-size: small;">?</b> </td><td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td><td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td><td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td><td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #666666; font-size: small;">?</b> </td><td style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #666666; font-size: small;">?</b> </td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">0 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">✔ <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals </b></span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Stay on track all week</span></span><br />
<b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Be happier</span></span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-38619282967492827182012-02-20T16:20:00.000-08:002012-02-20T16:33:05.100-08:00Turning Point.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEFscpuzVXIZACJIf8EBRRMqoiiA9Tp2kQQNXsRyyNTuK6tDdKrJwwMTwawmfW8R0eOygVcCaHnnuuCuhkhfnb-N64pjQQ0RRWZvt2of3YmpskoGsGwYzkRe3jvOAZQmIB2ny5fHKek3oj/s1600/tumblr_le3hjfOGQW1qf6iyko1_500_large.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEFscpuzVXIZACJIf8EBRRMqoiiA9Tp2kQQNXsRyyNTuK6tDdKrJwwMTwawmfW8R0eOygVcCaHnnuuCuhkhfnb-N64pjQQ0RRWZvt2of3YmpskoGsGwYzkRe3jvOAZQmIB2ny5fHKek3oj/s1600/tumblr_le3hjfOGQW1qf6iyko1_500_large.png" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I woke up with some clarity today.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I did not go to work. I <b>never </b>do that.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I think I needed today to get my head wrapped around some things.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And I'm remembering who I am, parting the clouds of fog that have hung around me for months and months now. I've been so lost and confused, and I know things don't change over night, but something in me must have <i>snapped.</i></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I want to start from the beginning, so you may all understand where I am, where I've been, all the things I left out by avoiding this place.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">First of all, I left my home, my family, everything I knew. I moved several hundred miles away to live with my boyfriend, who is the one thing I have never doubted or feared in this terrible world. He is my home, he is everything to me. We complete each other in a fairy tale kind of way.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It was endless happiness, snuggling, cuddling and bliss between the sheets. Everything seemed like a fantastic new adventure to us; grocery shopping was the epic journey of two lovers, hunting for forgotten treasures and returning to their native shores to indulge in the spoils of their voyage. I had no job, my purpose in life was to live in his bed and spoil him, taking him to and from his job, keeping our love nest sparkling and cozy and full of our favorite things, so when he returned at the end of a long day I could woo and pamper him to sleep.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Each day I forgot about my weight a little more. I indulged a little too much. I laughed a little too loudly.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">That was in June of last year. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I got a job in August. My first real, serious job. I started it feeling very depressed (I believe I blogged briefly about that). It seemed like suddenly life wasn't as lovely as it use to be. Still, coming home was rainbows and sunshine and we would sink into the gigantic fluffiness of our cozy bed and the depression would melt away. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Also -</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i><b>I ripped a pair of my favorite jeans.</b></i></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>As in, my ass had become so LARGE that my jeans could no longer contain them -</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">They were </span><u style="font-size: small;">exploding</u><span style="font-size: x-small;">, bursting through the seams because they had become so </span><u>GIGANTIC</u><span style="font-size: x-small;">.</span></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I cried for a moment, and then stopped caring.</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Unbelievable.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I want to mention, our sex life has changed so much since June. I think it's in part due to my outward appearance, and in part because my appearance has turned my inside self into a CRAZY bitch.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I have put so much pressure on him about having sex. I have questioned him so many times, asking him why we don't have sex as often as we use to, asking him what about me is so repulsive, prying, begging him to tell me I need to lose weight so that maybe I would have a reason to. He wouldn't budge, he just gets frustrated, and then I cry and wish I had never said anything. He loves me so much, and he is so forgiving, but I just want affirmation CONSTANTLY. I want to have sex every night so I can wake the next day knowing I'm still pretty. Alas, I'm not pretty anymore. I'm fat.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I also want to mention that we have dabbled in threesomes. Only with other women.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I should have known this was not something I could handle. I am attracted to women certainly. I think women are just lovely. We ARE the fairer sex. I like to draw women, I like to study them. But the jealousy that bubbled up inside of me was truly not expected. I would be an emotional wreck for weeks after we had a threesome, constantly changing my mind about whether or not I wanted to keep having them. He of course got upset, angry that I lied about being "okay" and (I think) angry that I no longer wanted to let him play with four boobs instead of two. I think these may have helped to kill our sex life. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">One night I couldn't handle it anymore, and told him the truth about how I felt about it all.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">He seemed upset at first, and then, as I was sobbing, he held me and apologized for asking those things of me, and holding me still, kissing away tears and squeezing me gently, he <i>laughed </i>softly, warmly and told me it was so silly that we were getting so worked up about it - that the solution was simple: We would never have a threesome again. And he was not sad, he just loved me, and didn't want to see me unhappy.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We have had sex only once since then, to this very day.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And now there's a very loud voice in my head that screams: </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>"You're not enough to turn him on. He needs another woman. You're NOT ENOUGH."</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">As if I didn't have enough messed-up inner-dialogue going on.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">By December my job had improved. I had friends there, I got a raise and a better position that was more artistic and more like what I wanted to be doing. Christmas morning we were at my parents' house, my old home, unwrapping gifts and laughing. He became very serious when all of the gifts had been unwrapped and turned to me and said, "Alright, please don't get angry. I know we said we wouldn't do gifts for each other for Christmas, but there's something I have to give you..." And he stood up in front of me, "I know this seems like such a forgone conclusion, but," and he got down on one knee, and I felt tears trickle down my face, my breath dead in my chest and my hands clutching his knees as he held out a tiny black box. He opened it to reveal the most beautiful little ring I have ever seen.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> "Will you marry me?"</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We had champagne, and life was beautiful. I was floating about on cloud nine for weeks.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">But my hips and thighs showed clear signs of the stress and chaos that was still buried within me.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">They were swelling, bulging, <i><b>jiggling.</b></i></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><i><br />
</i></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">My birthday came in January. I turned 20. I told myself it should be a turning point, but nothing really changed. I kept eating. And eating. And eating. AND EATING. And getting fatter and fatter and FATTER.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I haven't weighed myself since May of last year, since I was last actively blogging here. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">So I can't tell you how bad the damage is, but truly, it is bad.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">About a week ago we had wine and chocolate before bed. I can't remember how all of it went, but I fell asleep in the living room, and woke up in a terrible mood, thinking he had gone to bed without me and left me sleeping on the couch, and for some reason this was very painful to me. I stormed into our room and glared at him, then promptly went to bed without a word. He joined me moments later, asking, frustrated, why I had gotten so angry with him for absolutely no reason. (I really have been a crazy bitch, wasn't kidding.) I just started crying and told him I didn't know and didn't want to talk about it. He got more frustrated, I cried for a while. We never fight, this was certainly not a fight, just me being dramatic and him at a loss for how to console me.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And then he said some things that shocked me, and I think, changed me.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">"I find you so exhausting anymore. It's just exhausting to try to get you to care about life. We have so much potential and we could be doing so many great things but you just don't care. I have enough trouble being motivated, I can't keep trying to hold you up too. You've got to atleast try. I want us to be a team."</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I apologized, said he was right, and pretended to fall asleep while I sobbed silently until the alarm went off and I got ready for work.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">A few days passed, and I was dark and dreary. I stayed late at work just so I didn't have to go home and pretend to be happy for him. One night I went to the grocery store, wandering around for an extra hour, again to avoid having to fake a smile. And I think this was the start of the change, the turning point. I picked out nothing but fruit and veggies, low-cal salad dressing, and then went home and ate a salad.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I think it was enough to remind me, that I am where I was longing to be for so long.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I don't live with my parents. I have complete control of my life now.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Maybe that's why I lost control completely, I don't know.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">But I can eat however I want.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can do whatever I want.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can run at 3am if I want to.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can FAST if I want to.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">The ball is in my court. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">The choice is mine.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Why have I been choosing food?</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can still hear voices telling me how tasty tacos are, how wonderful ranch dressing tastes on everything, but you know what? It's time to forget all that. It's time to focus again on what truly matters, who I truly want to be, who I have always wanted to be, and what I have lost sight of. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">THIN.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It's time to be motivated, to be positive, to turn this relationship back into what it was. I'm strong enough to do this, I know I am. All I need is to start feeling good about myself again, and that starts with eating healthier, eating less, moving more. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I'm determined. I'm done feeling fat, this has gone on for nearly a year and that's completely unacceptable.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I'm back ladies, please send me some courage to face the scale. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><3 Love and hugs,</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Ro.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTlOr6Z6VevpSpsz2EUnPMZKBd9ZvBqfnuDChTY5c2XVqUAx-DpebJvdmBCvGjm4wZ_eWcmwT-97sQfqKYQco9rhzKM-p_4Uvc-C6tjmsqROtqKWbqIToiJpCqtWzDc3RQnv8VW0tM-Nyw/s1600/tumblr_lfn6vyS8qY1qgwngeo1_400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTlOr6Z6VevpSpsz2EUnPMZKBd9ZvBqfnuDChTY5c2XVqUAx-DpebJvdmBCvGjm4wZ_eWcmwT-97sQfqKYQco9rhzKM-p_4Uvc-C6tjmsqROtqKWbqIToiJpCqtWzDc3RQnv8VW0tM-Nyw/s1600/tumblr_lfn6vyS8qY1qgwngeo1_400.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
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</span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-58362495633301763152012-02-13T15:42:00.000-08:002012-02-13T15:42:17.566-08:00Walk of Shame<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJRs4QhRerOZkNyGBF8OWFgQHwOx7hUbmqe3dm-no2dD-SVNvNVCS-x7dbUDeLwTyb0LULdiU3OvWy9LZxbx7qi8W5zpbNBIygLYsDxTVvNQoEnJR5_4ehBuuP9ebUHm7wAzWHlsKO9eJw/s1600/contraluz,girl,human,photography,portrait,retrato-3395a64f00003bb9aafdfb95f0530ed9_h_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJRs4QhRerOZkNyGBF8OWFgQHwOx7hUbmqe3dm-no2dD-SVNvNVCS-x7dbUDeLwTyb0LULdiU3OvWy9LZxbx7qi8W5zpbNBIygLYsDxTVvNQoEnJR5_4ehBuuP9ebUHm7wAzWHlsKO9eJw/s400/contraluz,girl,human,photography,portrait,retrato-3395a64f00003bb9aafdfb95f0530ed9_h_large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">This facade that I'm stuck with </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">has got me wondering </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Just tell me how you want me </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">and I'll be naked stumbling </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">just to get a reaction, any signs of love </span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">- Maria Mena</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Where can I even begin? I thought seriously about starting a new blog, starting everything over... It's so hard to come back here, to face the biggest failure my body has probably ever endured.... </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I couldn't listen to the music I did those months ago.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I couldn't look at this blog, at the photos.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Couldn't take photos of myself, my chubby cheeks so glaring...</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">But I'm facing it all tonight. /melodrama. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Seriously though, I need to make some changes, yet again. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I haven't had sex in months. Not real sex anyway, not the thoughtless, wonderful, carefree sex we use to have every day we were together, when I was thin(ish).</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Everything has changed since I moved in.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Oh, which reminds me, my sweetheart <b>proposed</b> to me! </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">It's not shocking at all to me, but I did sob, and so did my family, when he proposed to me in front of them, Christmas morning.. It was too lovely. We talked about it so much, I just didn't expect it to happen so soon. He completely takes my breath away. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">But I can see in his eyes.. he's just not attracted to me like he use to be.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">It wasn't that long ago, it's only been three years that we've been together, and only a year ago that I was so much smaller.... </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Back in those dizzy, weightless days, he use to touch my hips and my waist and wrap his fingers around my neck... He use to hold me on his lap and not let me go, trap me in his embrace and kiss me so... </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"> I've practically become one of the guys. I hardly feel like a lady anymore.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">We play video games and eat burritos and hardly ever exercise. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I'm gross.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO WEIGH MYSELF.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I can't step on the scale. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I just know.. I will destroy myself if I do.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I'm too ASHAMED.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Because I am so GROSS.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I could feel this overwhelming depression creeping up on me, stepping on my heels every time I started to get a bit tired, bringing tears to my eyes in the dead of night, making me eat as I got stressed and making me rip open old scabs and scars (literally). </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Everything is so great, but I've let myself down so much. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">And it hit me like a ten-ton boulder today.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I don't know why, but I know I want to go back to who I was.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I'm sorry I've neglected you all so. =( </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I don't have any excuses, I just know I was too ashamed to read about how hard you were all working, to see how honest and open you can be, while I can barely look in a mirror...</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">And no, I don't know, after all the years, after caring so much, after triumphing over my body, how I fell so hard, so fast and so far... I don't know what happened. I don't know why suddenly I felt like it was just okay to eat anything (and everything). I guess the stress got to me. I guess I couldn't take the fear and the lack of control my life suddenly had... </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Putting it into words is helping so much already though. It really puts things into perspective somehow...</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Hopefully this wallowing won't last long. And I apologize, if anyone does see this, for such terrible writing. I just wanted to get some thoughts out. I haven't been able to speak of these things to anyone, of course. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Especially not to my fiance. He gets so angry whenever I say "I'm fat" or "I want to lose weight" or I even try to eat a little less than I have been (which is a fuckton, in case you were wondering). He doesn't know how important dieting use to be to me -- he has no idea. I know, it's terrible. Our relationship is absolutely perfect, spotless, aside from this one secret..</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">how desperate I am to be</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">THIN.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I just don't want you all to think I'm risking what I have. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I would never take it for granted, or let it be damaged.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">But... hating myself the way I am right now.. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">That's damaging it. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">It's damaging the passion and heat we use to feel for each other....</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Anyway. I'm going to make a plan for myself.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Going to work out.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Going to get back on track.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">Do wish me luck. <3</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;">I'll try to catch up with your blogs as I can.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: x-small;"><3 Stay strong.</span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-738189281317593762011-08-23T16:27:00.000-07:002011-08-23T16:27:50.080-07:00The Filth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuwPtHdRKqmsoNHSUArYP62-vYbkXh421Gvx98DntdZ6u-HVGGbqiD1hOjHIu3AyXQCOF75v8lq90fGRC0y_Ef8b2_DfGksf8-kWvHDdVKGaVlVFs14hCej8bkPJaD1Mhp9rhA8kgz-jD5/s1600/tumblr_ljujyseYo91qgzz1to1_500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuwPtHdRKqmsoNHSUArYP62-vYbkXh421Gvx98DntdZ6u-HVGGbqiD1hOjHIu3AyXQCOF75v8lq90fGRC0y_Ef8b2_DfGksf8-kWvHDdVKGaVlVFs14hCej8bkPJaD1Mhp9rhA8kgz-jD5/s400/tumblr_ljujyseYo91qgzz1to1_500_large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>"Faking a smile is much easier</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>than explaining why you are upset."</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can't help this dirty feeling lately. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I started my job today. I work as a cashier for atleast a week until I'm moved to a better department that they're "fast tracking" me to. Dealing with the public makes me hate myself all the more, and it's only the first day. I hate that I am part of this species. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I hate everything about being human. There's nothing lovely about it.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Even the beautiful among us are full of grime,</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And yet they're still the best I can aspire to be.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I hate small talk with the trash who come in to cough on me with their cancer-coated breath.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I hate their kids, their clothes, their music, their religion.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I don't care about the weather; I don't give a shit about the traffic.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Your illness does not interest me. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Your meaningless spats with your meaningless spouse do not concern me.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Your children are vile little rodents, who ought to be exterminated.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am a rotten human being.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And I don't care.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I feel awkward and uncomfortable and I yearn to be alone... ALL the time.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I don't understand having friends anymore. What is the point?</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It's draining to leave the house, to be around them. I have to paint on a face that isn't me.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">"Just be yourself." They say.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">What if myself is longing to tear every single person she meets into pieces?</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">What if I tell you that I can see through every little thing you do, and I hate you for it.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">What if all I am is a spiteful, disappointed creature with nothing left to her but </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">FAT AND HATE.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Everyone is just a mimic of something they saw on TV.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We're all just dying to be the same, and so am I.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">In a society so large, so battered by media input, where does any originality come from?</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can't clear my head anymore. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can't find a unique spec in the cluttered catacombs of my mediocre mind.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Starving brought me some happiness. Starving brought me some comfort.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I lived in a dizzy world, unaware and unable to muster the hate that I so passionately feel for everything now.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I had control, purpose, balance.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Even if I'll never amount to more than a girl behind a counter, </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">atleast I will have mastered the art of emptiness.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I feel like I am too repulsive to even think of intimacy.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">My boy feels differently. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">He is the only thing that brings a genuine smile to my face.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">He is the only thing in this world that is pure and good to me. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">He sees things the way I do, but he has learned to be happy in spite of it all.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">He has mastered the bullshit smile and the phony sympathy, and he doesn't let it drain him.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I want to be like him in so many ways.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">My love for him is invincible.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am watching ANTM.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I'm still not back on track with dieting.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It starts on Thursday.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Wednesdays are party days at my apartment (joy) so I will be boozing it up.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Thursday.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I'm sorry for such a bitchy post. You guys are lovely, and you make me smile too.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I feel like if there's anywhere that I've been entirely understood among so many different people it is here. It's such a relief to be so open and honest.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I really, really appreciated your comments, and I will post more often.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I'm sorry I can't be more perky... </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I just don't have it in me today lol.</span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-22969770524398284402011-08-16T14:13:00.000-07:002011-08-16T14:13:37.581-07:00When Will I Learn?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1hslns2zGpA8hmyGJMLpUfC9xLo8QpO1UeuBRaIr8M7cgeP8ZPjgKuMUtRWgIKVhMHiOwipYFocQ6rraM24SpUHLlvXuisjh3CZzroOhCDGZxDwAaL6l9H90rWWZFbXkfVVHPDb5Xq76y/s1600/desert1small_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1hslns2zGpA8hmyGJMLpUfC9xLo8QpO1UeuBRaIr8M7cgeP8ZPjgKuMUtRWgIKVhMHiOwipYFocQ6rraM24SpUHLlvXuisjh3CZzroOhCDGZxDwAaL6l9H90rWWZFbXkfVVHPDb5Xq76y/s400/desert1small_large.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>To rectify past blunders is impossible,</i></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>but we might profit by the experience of them.</i></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i><br />
</i></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">So, I don't know who is still here. You probably didn't know I was.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I don't know where I am...</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I feel so defeated. I want to break down and disappear. Things were going so well it seemed.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I finally moved out. I'm finally living with the love of my life.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I have my license. I have a good job. I have no reason to be sad.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Except this enormous weight that is me. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Myself.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I am fat.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Again.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Here we go, again. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">.... </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Something nice can be said for returning to this routine. But for a while I really thought I had "grown up". I thought I was beyond these foolish teenage habits, these crazy, skinny desires...</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Will the cycle ever break for good? I really thought I had made it last time, but here I am again, telling you that I have failed.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I have eaten foods that could make you gain weight just by looking at them.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">....</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I don't have enough money to buy my own food at the moment. Hopefully in about two weeks that will change, and I can start living on apples and water again.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Until then, I am in hell.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I just want to scream with frustration, having no one who understands.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">To top things off, I've pretty much discovered my boy likes fat chicks.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">He doesn't consider me fat, but he's just so happy that my boobs are "huge" right now.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Aka, he's glad I'm fat. He LIKES ME FAT.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Well, I don't. Sorry. I can't stay like this to make him happy.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I know we'll stop having sex, but I'm pretty much over that.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Having sex when you feel gross and flabby sucks anyway. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Even though he is really amazing in bed...</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Anyway, hope you ladies are doing better than I have been.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I'm in a dark, ugly pit. But, I have the house entirely to myself.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Atleast I can say that happens a lot these days.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">So crunches, here I come.</span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-29343430402624994642011-05-05T22:00:00.000-07:002011-05-05T22:00:57.953-07:00Lost but Still Here<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1395063401" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghU0lB7Y_lhhK3Qaxqw89hcHACSUMnMVRSAriRFl-u3s0lwOeni1WMpbUWDsvex4khrIzcmVdZiBDLgilotb4v3_RG9gAtw_UsqBS7RqnQNkbw6-S3lNw-p3eJ3f6j07LoRPEX6o5E-afn/s400/tumblr_lhhs5mHFRL1qfztsmo1_500_large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1395063401" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Hey ladies. I'm kind of... lost right now...</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I wanted to let you guys know I'm still alive and making it by.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">But it's not the feeling I expected. I guess I thought I would be happy to be "maintaining" even though I know that's not what happens. I thought I would be happy to eat foods I like but I just feel guilty and fat. It's like I'm binging when I want to be starving, which is apparently entirely different from binging when I feel like binging. Anything close to 1000 calories is my definition of binging, by the way. And today I believe I ate 1000 calories. Which is what drove me to get on tonight...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I haven't weighed myself in a few days. I can't take the stress. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The comments from my family are getting overwhelming. Tonight I had seconds at dinner and everyone was like, "Way to go Rowan! Look at her eat!" Disgusting. I feel disgusting.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Also, I have a story for you. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I haven't had many friends in the past five or six years. I've alienated myself a lot. But I had one friend through all of it. We had been friends since third grade. We fought quite often, but we felt like sisters. It's weird to think that we're no longer friends.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">She was always on the heavier side. When we got to highschool she started getting bigger and bigger. She weighed over 200lbs during most of our high school career. Her parents and I both worried about her. She refused to do anything to change. She even threw out all of the mirrors in her room and continued to wear clothes that were far, far too small for her. Her apathy towards her body began to plague ever aspect of her life. Her room was piled high with garbage. I was helping her clean it one day and I found a mostly empty giant tub of peanut butter with a knife in it under a stack of clothes. I was repulsed, horrified, and scared shitless for my friend. How had things gotten this bad? It was plain to see, she was filling a void with food.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Her parents signed her up for a diet program, which was mostly like weight watchers but less group-oriented. They had meal plans and weigh-ins and their own line of diet foods. I wanted to help, so I went along to some of the meetings, I gathered what experience I had from trying to lose weight and I made every effort to help her make better choices. We would walk everywhere, I would suggest workout DVDs and games to get us moving, I brought healthy snacks or refused to eat unhealthy stuff with her and even went shopping with her to help her make better choices. It didn't get her too far, but atleast she was slowly losing or not putting on anymore weight. Which was something.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">We split ways our senior year of highschool. It's a long, complicated story, but basically she's just not a nice person. I swear to you, it had nothing to do with her weight, even though I was very frustrated with her for not caring about herself because it clearly led to her treating me and everyone else around her even worse. She had become a really rotten, abusive person.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">But I think she made me realize just how badly I wanted to be thin, pretty, lovable, successful and not a giant waste of space. Seeing what could happen to a person who gave into food, yeah, it triggered me into some serious starving and purging. But it was never very successful, because I regularly had her to compare myself to - and next to her, I was the thin one. Which didn't encourage me to really work at being thin.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Being away from her has been the best thing I have done for myself in so many ways.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">But, a few days ago I saw a picture taken of her recently. She has not only decided to be best friends with someone I was practically mortal enemies with for a very, very long time, but she has also put on so much weight I did not even RECOGNIZE her. And this is not me being a "skinny bitch". I literally passed over her in several photos, until finally I realized it was her. If she doesn't weigh almost 300lbs now I will eat my hat. She looks like she's been swallowed up by this mammoth body, her feet point outwards in opposite directions, her neck sticks out beyond her chin, her stomach hangs down inside of her pants.... I was shocked.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">As much as I dislike her now... I feel responsible. I feel like without me to be a positive influence in her life she has just given up. But at the same time, part of me would absolutely love to flaunt my new body in front of her. For all of the crappy things she put me through those last years of our friendship, for her poor parents who got nothing but abuse and misery, for all of the friends she kept me from making or keeping, I just want to be a total bitch to her. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I am going straight to hell, but it's the dark, dirty truth of it all.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I want her to be so jealous that all she can talk about with her new BFF is how fabulous I look, how skinny and thin I am, how well my life is going, how handsome my man is, how exciting my life is. I just want her to know how well I am doing without her, and how I'm done letting her cruel words effect me.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">But I feel like 109 lbs isn't thin enough to do that.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">She makes me want to be 100lbs.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">How can someone who is almost 300lbs trigger me?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Anyway, thanks <b>Lottie</b> and<b> Olivia</b> so much, I feel so bless to have your support, you're too sweet. I feel like I'm in limbo right now, waiting to make a choice about whether or not to lose more. I feel like it's inevitable, I feel like 109 is just too much, but we'll see. I am actually feeling pretty good, aside from feeling conflicted and confused about what to do and where I am. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I love you all so much. <3 Stay strong!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1395063401" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-72698615509008609942011-04-28T23:17:00.000-07:002011-04-28T23:17:19.445-07:00Afraid of Sinking<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaMF7LR7CO6mcvDmfgUIrVVng3ZCBeyElAAPPV5zhuvaDzdpvuy071QLEi7XX4ZWwLa8eNigBEUZRpD1su8_eBybc51kwMb03Ghbq59oa9I5Uh7MSgD51C7K5CIO3dqxDzHQ1kPISCEi0K/s1600/db3f4b5002e7beb7cd434c89bc26bd1c-d3c74ix.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaMF7LR7CO6mcvDmfgUIrVVng3ZCBeyElAAPPV5zhuvaDzdpvuy071QLEi7XX4ZWwLa8eNigBEUZRpD1su8_eBybc51kwMb03Ghbq59oa9I5Uh7MSgD51C7K5CIO3dqxDzHQ1kPISCEi0K/s400/db3f4b5002e7beb7cd434c89bc26bd1c-d3c74ix.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">"She said I need you to hold me,<br />
I'm a little far from the shore,<br />
<i>And I'm afraid of sinking</i>.<br />
You're the only one who knows me,<br />
And who doesn't ignore,<br />
<i>That my soul is weeping.</i>"</div><div style="text-align: center;"> - Just Feel Better by Santana & <span class="feat">Steven Tyler</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;">Hey guys. I'm really struggling right now. It's been tough today and yesterday, and I feel really overwhelmed by trying to eat more, but not binge, even though it's hard to decide what's a binge and what isn't and by the end of the day the calories are battling it out in my head more than in my stomach. I feel nervous and compelled to run in place for endless amounts of time. </div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;">It's tough. Not that I'm surprised, but I can't remember trying to consciously be "healthy" before. It's always been starving or binging. Atleast, as far as I can remember. This is all so unfamiliar to me. I don't know how to be in between. Why is it I feel in control when I'm at either end of the spectrum? </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I haven't been reading posts like I said I would, I'm so sorry. It's just that everything is "triggering" for me right now. I miss being happy about 300 calorie days and more than anything I miss having a goal. My mom said I was an "eating machine" yesterday when I ate my lunch. I know she just said it because I don't normally eat lunch, but I came so close to purging, I wanted to rip my hair out. <i>An eating machine... </i>It's still ringing in my ears.</div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;">I still want to be thin. I still want to keep losing. That's the truth of it all. I keep thinking about 107 lbs. Just 2 lbs away.. And if I <i>accidentally </i>got there well, that would be okay, right? Or maybe 105, that's only 2lbs under the underweight line, no one would notice. And well, 100 lbs, that's really not all that extreme anyway, it's not double digits....</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">But I know I'm also anxious and being weird right now. When I made the decision to be healthier I was very calm and thinking very clearly, everything was making sense to me, and I don't want to change my mind now, when I'm obviously not thinking clearly.</div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;">But still, maybe 107 lbs would be okay....</div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;">I just don't know right now. But at the same time, I do know. I know I'm experiencing exactly what I figured I would experience. So, now I just need to stick it out.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Anyway, this is mostly an apology. I'm finding it difficult to get on blogger right now.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I won't leave, I promise, and I will try to read and comment when I can find it in me to do so without making any rash decisions. But I'm doing this whole "getting healthy" thing by myself. And I know the solo route is rarely very successful, but I've done everything else on my own, I know I can do this too. I just have to not lose it, lol! In more ways than one...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Stay strong lovelies, I'm so sorry.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><3 Ro</div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-18385627308687154682011-04-26T17:26:00.000-07:002011-04-26T17:26:18.513-07:00It's Never Easy to Change, But it's Worth It<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaP2iDCNDL7P06_-6rvDo8igevqMG8kbBeRds5s3ncnTTSFodJ-Ww9oM3U4TH2E6NetB9_LvvWQ8OhpQK_y-qj2IkNx80cssqsRSkJYG1m9S8fxOGCP5NrfEI1aV9GmrJAt7lzp9HT-Nmk/s1600/tumblr_lixu0fjJWF1qbyvbvo1_500_large.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="372" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaP2iDCNDL7P06_-6rvDo8igevqMG8kbBeRds5s3ncnTTSFodJ-Ww9oM3U4TH2E6NetB9_LvvWQ8OhpQK_y-qj2IkNx80cssqsRSkJYG1m9S8fxOGCP5NrfEI1aV9GmrJAt7lzp9HT-Nmk/s400/tumblr_lixu0fjJWF1qbyvbvo1_500_large.png" width="400" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I thought love was only true in fairy tales,<br />
Meant for someone else but not for me.<br />
Ah, love was out to get to me,<br />
That's the way it seemed.<br />
Disappointment haunted all my dreams,<br />
Then I saw your face.<br />
<i>Now I'm a believer!</i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">The Day After</span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> Yep, it's been hard already. I've thought a <b><i>lot </i></b>about purging, but I'm done with that, like I said. So, the food stays. I've thought even <i><b>more </b></i>about changing my mind, just losing those last ten pounds anyway, but no. I'm going to stick to this. I am not over eating, I am eating <i>healthy</i>. I am eating small, scheduled meals with fruits and veggies and plenty of water. I'm trying to wrap my head around it, and it's hard. It's hard to believe I should be eating 1000+ calories a day, I don't think my stomach could even stretch to accommodate that much right now.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Surprisingly, what helped me a lot was hearing a woman on a talk show speak about "<b>Teaching Your Children Healthy Eating Habits</b>". She talked a lot about how parents can trigger unhealthy relationships with food down the line by using food as a reward or comforting thing, or by telling your child they are "on a diet". Now, I don't feel comfortable blaming my parents, because everyone from doctors to teachers to the mailman gave kids sweet things as a rewarding or comforting thing, "back in my day". Now doctors and teachers give out stickers and coloring books. How on earth could my parents have known they were doing harm? Either way, I don't hold any of it against them. It's society in general, it's the way life goes. Regardless of who's to blame, the ability and decision to change is up to <b>ME</b>.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">She also said (I'm paraphrasing), "Let your kids <b><i>natural instincts towards food be the guide</i></b>. Don't force them to eat or 'clean their plate' if they aren't hungry. Let them listen to their body. We are born with our instincts in tact, and our bodies know what they need. Don't try to change or complicate those instincts. Later in life children that are raised this way are more likely to listen to their bodies and not eat for emotional reasons." and "Don't make a big deal about not eating sweets and treats, just don't make them available all the time. If they're at a party, <b>let them eat cake</b>! But don't make dessert an everyday thing at home."</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I need to teach myself how to eat again. I need to treat myself like a <i>child</i>, lol. Her words really struck home. People eat healthy and maintain a low weight. I am at a low weight, I can do this. I'm not going to become huge, even if it feels like it. I'm taking it slow, because I'm going to have my whole life to perfect "being healthy". </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Don't get me wrong, this is really hard. Feeling full makes me feel<i> really </i>anxious. But I'm trying.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> I'm increasing my activity a lot, even just yesterday and today. Getting up early, having a single cup of green tea and working out in shifts between meals and things I have to do is really helping. Already I feel like my body is approving. Before lunch I genuinely felt hungry, and then again before dinner I felt hungry too. I don't know why! But I have strength in my legs and can already jump and jog again, it's good. It's not something I'm sure I should be proud of yet, but I can do this.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I wasn't able to weigh today, and honestly.. I'm really scared to. But for right now, it's okay. I'm going to let my body be the guide, I'm going to watch the mirrors more and the scale less, I'm going to keep my workouts consistent and strong, and I'm going to listen to my body....</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Maybe I should weigh once a week? :/ I'm sure there's a healthier approach to that too... </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">But.. Oh how I miss the familiar. 400 calories is comfortable, I wish I could be doing that right now... I wish I could have the reassurance of weight loss on my mind instead.. I mean, it is nice to enjoy bread and food again, but it just feels scary... </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Anyway, I'm glad I can prove to myself that I can do this on my own. I proved I could lose almost 40lbs on my own (if not more), I proved I could stop binging and purging, I can do this to. I really know I can. I'm a strong person, and I've tamed this unruly beast I call my body before. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I've tried counseling and I learned there's nothing I can gain from speaking to someone who can only repeat to me the things I've already recognized within myself and thought about changing anyway. Now it's just about acting on those thoughts, understanding the ways in which I'm defeating myself and learning how to change...</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I can do this.</span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I don't want to need counseling again, or to make my family/friends think I need it either. Those were the worst, most humiliating and degrading years of my life and I do not plan to ever go back there. I'm going to do this by myself, for myself. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Love and hugs,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Ro</span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">In Response to Your Comments</span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;"><br />
</span></b></span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/03227055906066798343" rel="nofollow">Olivia</a><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> - Thank you so, so much. I truly appreciate your support, maybe more than ever as I tread these unfamiliar waters, it's truly </span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">terrifying. I'm glad my choice isn't pushing you away, and I just read your blog as well, I'm so glad you're finding a healthy balance again too. <3 Best of luck to you love, I'll comment soon! Stay strong! </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/09814506192781786746" rel="nofollow">Lottie</a><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> - Aw! Thank you so much, you are too sweet. I'm so glad my words mean something to others, hehe. I hope you're finding happiness too. <3</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">To whoever stopped following my blog -</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I'm sincerely sorry my blog is no longer worth reading to you, but I'm doing this for me. I will succeed. Best of luck to whoever you were.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b>An apple</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> (<b>50</b> cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Pinch of granola (<b>50</b> cal) </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lunch/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> 1/2 Egg Salad Sandwich (<b>215 </b>cal)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> Fat free raspberry yogurt (<b>100</b> cal)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="color: black;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner: </b>Turkey sandwich and raw carrots (<b>300</b> cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">(veggies are free)</span><b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Water (0 cal) </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">715 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 800</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: black;">665</span></span></span></span></b></span></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• <span style="color: black;">715</span></span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>700</b></span></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>800</b></span></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">800</span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">900</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">900</span></span></b></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 109</span></b></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-</td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">0 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">✔ <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals </b></span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span> </span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Breath</span><br />
<b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Smile</span><br />
<b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Love </span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-39234667432389302492011-04-25T14:20:00.000-07:002011-04-25T20:42:13.137-07:00Revelations, Decisions and Big Changes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSJlbFQSTd5ExvxvxVLdcYILgYlSXn_j0LCgkk9ZRrizzlrwAI_94FIvV88IsJj6OqOXvrEivi-cZq2UhyphenhyphenjKqLRvZWnHQ6IJ14BL7p_yzQzXgcknu9ppCjOM5q_VRBw8wmPd6UXB-x0ivo/s1600/tumblr_lk6542Gj8V1qfdc7bo1_400_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSJlbFQSTd5ExvxvxVLdcYILgYlSXn_j0LCgkk9ZRrizzlrwAI_94FIvV88IsJj6OqOXvrEivi-cZq2UhyphenhyphenjKqLRvZWnHQ6IJ14BL7p_yzQzXgcknu9ppCjOM5q_VRBw8wmPd6UXB-x0ivo/s1600/tumblr_lk6542Gj8V1qfdc7bo1_400_large.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Wake up and change your life.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSJlbFQSTd5ExvxvxVLdcYILgYlSXn_j0LCgkk9ZRrizzlrwAI_94FIvV88IsJj6OqOXvrEivi-cZq2UhyphenhyphenjKqLRvZWnHQ6IJ14BL7p_yzQzXgcknu9ppCjOM5q_VRBw8wmPd6UXB-x0ivo/s1600/tumblr_lk6542Gj8V1qfdc7bo1_400_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Some Revelations and Decisions</span></b></span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm feeling better today, and I have some important things to say. Having some time to slow down and reflect while being sick made me realize a lot about where and who I am right now, the ways I've changed, the ways I want to change, and the ways I don't. It seems like my thoughts have been very chaotic up until this point, and I feel like I've found some clarity.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've come to a very important place in my journey. You may look down on me for it, and you may want to stop following me, but it's what I need to do. It's what I want to do.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I have curves. I have a <i>butt</i>, I have <i>boobs</i>. I'm a full B cup, sometimes a C. My tummy is mostly flat but needs some work. My body needs toning all over. I am 109 lbs. I am at the low end of healthy, I am not underweight. I love my boobs. I love feeling sexy and curvy, and I don't want to feel like a plank of wood. It's hard to cope with the fact that I am not skin and bones, it bothers me that there's flesh that jiggles and moves, but<b>:</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b> I've decided I don't want to weigh 100 lbs</b>.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've given this a lot of thought actually, and not just in the past few days. The more I look at myself the more I don't want to say "good bye" to curves. The more my boy says he "hates supermodel type bodies" and similar things (that I won't share) the more I realize that's the last thing I want to look like to him. <i>He is everything to me.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">The romantic ideal of being a waif, of being so thin I could just disappear or blow away with the wind is still <b>so</b> appealing to me. But I have a romance that <i>is </i><b>real</b> and indestructible, a man who loves and cherishes every inch of me, and never, ever wants me to disappear. And I have been jeopardizing our relationship by keeping these things from him and by putting myself in danger.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I am not "quitting" because it's hard to lose these last tens lbs, I'm doing this because it feels like the right thing to do for my body. I have made this decision before, but this is the lowest I've made it at, and the last time I made this decision I also made the decision to do nothing but binge. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">So with<i> </i>this decision comes the challenge of maintaining, toning, keeping control, and learning how to be as healthy as I can without getting larger. This week will be an experiment in all of those things. For that matter, the rest of this month probably will be.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Last night I allowed myself one peanut butter cup. I wanted to see if I could do it. I did. I ate it, and it was the only one I ate. Then I threw out three handfuls of Easter candy. I will continue to throw it out, and maybe once a week I will let myself have a piece again.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've never believed there was anything out of my reach or anything I can't accomplish if I set my mind to it. I think EVERYONE has that ability, it's just a matter of tapping into it and learning what works for you instead of repeating mistakes, no matter what your goals are. So, this is the task that lays in front of me. I am going to redesign my work-out routine and my calorie expectations. I am going to keep active, keep healthy, and be HAPPY. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">And I am not going to disappear.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm not going to blow away in the wind.</div><div style="text-align: center;">My life, my body and my spirit have too much left to do in this world.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>I want to do this, and I can. <i>It's time.</i> </b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">It's been years since I weighed 140lbs (or more) and I am now two pounds away from being classified as underweight. It took me a long time to get here, and I'm never going back. But it's time to start improving my life in other ways, and worrying less about food. It's time to feel like I have energy, like I can function. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I know I haven't lost that much weight since I started blogging (started blogging at 118lbs) but it's been an amazingly therapeutic ride in which I've learned a wealth about myself and made so many incredible friends. Your support, your warmth and your love have changed my life <b>forever</b>, and without the things I've been able to learn through your blogs and my own I probably would not be ready to do this.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I am on the verge of a lot of major changes in my life. I've come a long way.<b> I am proud</b> of myself for everything I have accomplished and I am ready to go forward in my life with my new body, in my new home with the love of my life, and in the jobs and hobbies that lay ahead. Deep down I know I can not continue to starve and expect it not to interfere with everything I want to do. However, <b>I can</b> be healthy, <b>I can </b>work out,<b> I can </b>keep my weight where it is and<b> I can </b>get rid of my anxiety over food. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>This is not goodbye!</b> I will still post, perhaps not daily but I will, and I will of course keep reading your blogs (if you'll still have me). I understand we all have different goals and I don't begrudge anyone who wants to weigh less than I have chosen. I will probably envy you, but I know what I want and what I need, for me.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I know it's going to be hard. I'm probably going to break down and feel awful for eating so much every now and then, but if I can go without binging or purging I can go without starving too. I don't need to lose more, I just need to stay where I am, with lots of toning that is. ;) </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">And thank you guys so much for all of the love you sent me while I wasn't feeling good. I don't know where I would be without you, but I know I wouldn't be nearly as strong. You girls amaze and inspire me every day, and I believe that you're all going to do great things. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>You all have a very special place in my heart. Never forget that.</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Here's to the mountains I climbed <i>and</i> the times I had to crawl;</div><div style="text-align: center;">To everything I've learned, and everything I am today. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Here's to tomorrow; to the future. </div><div style="text-align: center;">To my dreams.</div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b>An apple</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> (<b>50</b> cal)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lunch/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> 1/2 Egg Salad Sandwich (<b>215 </b>cal)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> Fat free cherry yogurt (<b>100</b> cal)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="color: black;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner: </b>Grilled salmon, cooked mixed veggies and raw carrots (<b>150</b> cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">(veggies are free)</span><b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Water (0 cal) </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">665 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 700</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: black;">665</span></span></span></span></b></span></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">800</span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>700</b></span></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b></b><b>800</b></span></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">800</span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">900</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">900</span></span></b></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 109</span></b></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-</td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">0 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">✔ <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals </b></span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span> </span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Breath</span><br />
<b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Smile</span><br />
<b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Love </span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-87366576672578815622011-04-24T17:53:00.000-07:002011-04-24T17:53:50.892-07:00Sick sick sick...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUkrOTLTGtiFfLjuodSLVskYx6LhAcWEfS8AiIpwTv1LxAl5a8ag2mL2UDnfR0lAUG75Bs2QrXhQxPg9XmdD6lf-Dnj9JQqzK59LFH0bolvZS7FL61cKZ5VFvHzhxxI7KwrV18dlqlbqTQ/s1600/179943_980_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUkrOTLTGtiFfLjuodSLVskYx6LhAcWEfS8AiIpwTv1LxAl5a8ag2mL2UDnfR0lAUG75Bs2QrXhQxPg9XmdD6lf-Dnj9JQqzK59LFH0bolvZS7FL61cKZ5VFvHzhxxI7KwrV18dlqlbqTQ/s400/179943_980_large.jpg" width="290" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Too Sick to Care</span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Still feeling very sick.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I just want to leave these fleeting, feverish thoughts,</div><div style="text-align: center;">while I'm not trying to control myself so much, </div><div style="text-align: center;">while I'm just dizzy and lonely...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Do I want to be skinny or have friends?</div><div style="text-align: center;">Did I have friends before?</div><div style="text-align: center;">Will I have more when I'm skinny?</div><div style="text-align: center;">Will I finally be brave? </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Yesterday I thought to myself, "I love my body."</div><div style="text-align: center;">And maybe I could settle with this weight.</div><div style="text-align: center;">But I realize that my body is not interested in being this weight,</div><div style="text-align: center;">my body wants to be ten pounds heavier.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I will always have to force it into submission.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">What I wouldn't give to be a carefree skinny girl.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">The peanut butter cups in the kitchen are calling me</div><div style="text-align: center;">and it's all I can do to keep myself from binging.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I want to binge so badly.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It helps that I can't taste much right now.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Tomorrow is the weigh-in for El's contest, I'm certain it won't be much better than last week.</div><div style="text-align: center;">But atleast I should be able to weigh tomorrow, I hope.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I just want to cry.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I want to go home to my boy, forever. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I still have over a month left to go until I can move.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I just want him to hold me, but I don't want him to know how fragile I've become...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;">Love and hugs, hopefully I'll be better soon and can make a real post <3</div><div style="text-align: center;">-Ro</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-79210707061199187702011-04-24T09:27:00.000-07:002011-04-24T09:27:20.264-07:00Happy Easter & Whatnot<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqmXATwAsNj2ry88y5Ul3-Cd9_GZMdi8OA4CcmrvlZnObczkgvO7xb0sNoRu2yHheZwWmDN0ONMNYUeCiH4b9WRALYRBb_gscCqQ7lJK-XEVcGDCs6s0JlryM5VWqYxN96nnSWKm4PCOay/s1600/22.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqmXATwAsNj2ry88y5Ul3-Cd9_GZMdi8OA4CcmrvlZnObczkgvO7xb0sNoRu2yHheZwWmDN0ONMNYUeCiH4b9WRALYRBb_gscCqQ7lJK-XEVcGDCs6s0JlryM5VWqYxN96nnSWKm4PCOay/s400/22.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">not just when it's easy to be strong.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">- Me</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Happy Easter, I'm sick</span></b></span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Hey ladies. Sorry for my lack of updates and posting before I even finished that last post. I felt some kind of sickness coming on, I'm still not really sure what's up. I've got killer headaches, my sinuses are killing me, I feel weak and keep sweating randomly... It's not great, but here's hoping it's somehow just allergy related.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Anyway my intake wasn't ideal yesterday. We had pizza and I did well but god some days it's just so hard to say no. And I really need my strength since today is Easter. We haven't gotten into our baskets yet, but it's coming....</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Happy Easter to you all by the way! And if you don't celebrate, hope you're having a good candy-free weekend. ;) I'm not religious in the slightest and my family hardly is either, we mostly just participate in Christian things because my parents' families are Christian and for the sake of tradition.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I helped put together the baskets last night and off course my mom had to give me some candy. She was watching and I ate it. Ugh. I can't stop feeling shitty about it.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">It's driving me mad that I can't weigh right now...</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Last night I put on the dress I bought a few weeks ago, and it's definitely lose, as are the jeans I bought. Happy I lost weight, sad I won't get to wear these things much. But I'm proud that my arms are finally starting to look less flabby! It's a strapless dress and there's nothing I hate more than armpit fat - you know what I'm talking about? That bunch of flesh that sticks out by your arms and your bra? Blah! Anyway my skin is looking fabulous thanks to eating so healthy and drinking so much water, and that made me feel good about the dress too. :)</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sorry for the blah post, I just feel so sick and awful. I may not update much for the next few days. :( Stay strong ladies, I'm sending my love and hugs! </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><3 <3 <3</span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b>An apple</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> (<b>50</b> cal)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lunch/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> -</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="color: black;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner:</b> </span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Lots of Water (0 cal) </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">50 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 500</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">320</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 330</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;">280</span></span></span></span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">•</span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;">900</span></span></span></span></b></span><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: black;">450</span></span></span></span></b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">480</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">500</span></span></b></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 109.2</span></b></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">0 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">✔ <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals </b></span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span> </span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">107 lbs by the end of the week</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Download new work out music </span></span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-80725840920799175192011-04-22T22:52:00.000-07:002011-04-22T22:52:28.025-07:00Keep Calm & Carry On<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTkQPpVud-fsX1zQPQFePwKUpW-OrSG5PGAWmHMMtX7VLE116_RWtqgIT8vqovEZW6jFqXJTJAuBsQu_IHvEhLKOJEze71ELm-Hp9PXz75S61KGhMyBnkm0enzDGmx9NRA9YuPXzwXiLTy/s1600/tumblr_ljo95p0tMy1qbhw48o1_500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="312" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTkQPpVud-fsX1zQPQFePwKUpW-OrSG5PGAWmHMMtX7VLE116_RWtqgIT8vqovEZW6jFqXJTJAuBsQu_IHvEhLKOJEze71ELm-Hp9PXz75S61KGhMyBnkm0enzDGmx9NRA9YuPXzwXiLTy/s400/tumblr_ljo95p0tMy1qbhw48o1_500_large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">You've had so much food in your life, </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">and you <b>will </b>have more. </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">But you will not get the chance to be thin </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">unless you <i>dedicate</i> yourself to it, </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">and that includes the hard times, </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">not just when it's easy to be strong.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">- Me</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Don't Panic</span></b></span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> I swear, I need to get "Keep Calm & Carry On" tattooed on my hand or something! I know it's so simple and silly but really, it's helping me so much. When I get that "STUFF YOUR FACE" urge and I say it to myself, it's like a reboot. It's so great. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Anyway, sorry for such an insane post last night. I realize now that it was actually a pretty normal, almost healthy portion size. It was not a binge, it was just more than I was hoping for, and it's okay. It's really okay. And I didn't purge and I didn't continue to eat more when I got home, so I can forgive, forget and<i> carry on</i>. I also worked out as much as I could on a full stomach and got a good nights sleep. Everything is going to be okay. ;)</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> It seems like there's always one day a week that circumstances force me to eat extra, and maybe it's good for me. Maybe it's keeping my metabolism alive and kicking. So maybe I should allow myself one day a week, whatever day it should happen, to eat "normal". Maybe that's a healthier approach.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Also I have yet again not had a single opportunity to weigh myself. It was sort of blowing my mind and frustrating me beyond all reason and then I realized why it was happening: Everyone's on spring break. The house is bustling with life and activity. No wonder! Next week will be back to normal of course. I'm so silly!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">It seems like a lot of us want to be healthier lately, and I have to say, I want to do the same. I just don't want to gain weight from it... It's hard but I feel like I can find a balance. I think I'm going to start by eating little snacks throughout the day, instead of one small breakfast and nothing until dinner, and just keep my activity level up all day. I've read that's the best way to go and it should hurt my weight.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Also, yesterday I didn't have any tea and my bloating has gone away almost overnight. It was really quite the ridiculous pooch, I looked pregnant if I let it stretch my stomach out enough. So I was reading up on stomach bloat and the things that caused it, because it was clearly not fat (I can feel fat, it's solid, you know) and it would disappear if I tightened my stomach muscles. So I was sort of baffled as to what was going on.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Anyway, I discovered a long list of things that can cause us to bloat, and it's basically your gastrointestinal tract becoming inflamed or irritated from certain foods, drinks and gases. And caffeine as well as sugar alcohols in artificial sweeteners are two of the top causes! Of course. So I am going to have to lessen my tea intake, but I'm going to hold off on drinking any until I get it completely under control. I'll share with you everything I found out next week, when I do another post with info & resources. :)</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">In Response to Your Comments</span></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sorry this is way overdue again!</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Alex - Thank you so much for all of the support and love! <3 I really truly appreciate it. I apologize for my comment on your blog being rather blunt lol, I just feel strongly about it, and I know what it's like to feel like your problems aren't valid. I struggled with the decision to blog at all because of how people judge the "pro ana community". But I also think no one realizes just how diverse the community is, and just how widely ranged our feelings, opinions, problems, methods and lives all are. Anyway, you are a beautiful, wonderful person and don't let anyone make you feel inferior or invalid for any reason. <3 Stay strong hon.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Determined Girl - Thank you so much, you are so sweet! I'm so glad I can inspire you. <3 Stay strong, I'm sending lots of love and hugs! :)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> Cara - Yeah, I definitely need to get serious about preventing aging, my eyelids are definitely starting to show some signs and I am the same, it seems to overwhelming, there's so many products. But reading stuff online is really helpful, </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>** I will reply to more when I have time. </b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>I've suddenly become rather sick. :( Hopefully will be able to update tomorrow.</b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><3 Love you all. </b><br />
</span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b>An apple</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> (<b>50</b> cal)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lunch/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> -</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="color: black;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner:</b> Steak, potatos, salad (~<b>400</b> cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Lots of Water (0 cal) </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">450 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 500</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">320</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 330</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;">280</span></span></span></span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">•</span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;">900</span></span></span></span></b></span><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: black;">450</span></span></span></span></b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">400</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">300</span></span></b></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 109.2</span></b></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-</td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">0 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">✔ <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals </b></span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span> </span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">107 lbs by the end of the week</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Download new work out music </span></span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-2285628439492866712011-04-21T19:19:00.000-07:002011-04-21T19:19:11.165-07:00Frustration & Sabotage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2uCIg9eqWxXWmTO5AfRq1KcY8EBsl-AdokM5XpJBhxtX8AgPbd0LZ-RQdhDiFrIzaHnD-32C_sjMs70CWZj7aBkjmcrwn5MH37AZBdyI2bYimNZVmxIbKIj6sBBsVRU2jyWc3msWKwoCI/s1600/tumblr_lihb2oBnfn1qg585qo1_500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2uCIg9eqWxXWmTO5AfRq1KcY8EBsl-AdokM5XpJBhxtX8AgPbd0LZ-RQdhDiFrIzaHnD-32C_sjMs70CWZj7aBkjmcrwn5MH37AZBdyI2bYimNZVmxIbKIj6sBBsVRU2jyWc3msWKwoCI/s320/tumblr_lihb2oBnfn1qg585qo1_500_large.jpg" width="222" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Enough guilt. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Turn the page.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Frustration</span></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">UGH!!! FUCK!!! FUCK EVERYTHING!!!!</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Okay, now that I've gotten that out of my system... Fuck! <i>Today sucked</i>! I was doing well, despite not being able to weigh yet again today (ugh!!), I was proud of myself for eating a slightly larger portion of fruit and veggies for breakfast and felt like today could be a reasonable success, and<i> then </i>I discovered I'd be running errands all day (though hardly burning calories) and we'd be eating at <b>Red Lobster</b> tonight.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Anxiety set it, but not nearly as much as it should have.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Red Lobster. Fuck. Lobster fest. Shit. Damn, crap and stupid.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I opted for a meal that was 700 cal, which was the low end of the menu's atrocities. Plus a salad. Fine, I will forgive myself for the salad. Fine. Okay, I can do this. I ate about half of the 700 cal dinner of grilled lobster, crab and shrimp. Ugh. But then dessert came, and for god sakes I don't know what came over me, I ordered apple pie! :( </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Does this count as a binge? I don't know, but I ate that whole goddamn piece of pie.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">To my surprise however, I don't feel bloated. I barely feel full. My body was begging me to binge, screaming at me, "You have room! DO IT!!" Oh god.. I'm glad I didn't eat my whole dinner but pie? Really? I just ate pie? AND I will confess, I had several bites of my sister's chocolate cake when she offered it to me.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Ladies, this is why I'm fat. :( Oh I want to cry. I don't know how bad the damage was, I'm estimating ATLEAST 800 calories and that's probably way less than what it was but I just want to run all night. </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Run. Yes. Run far away from all this shit. Run to a place where I never have to worry about food.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">You know what? I'll live in the woods, in the mountains, far from anyone who wears makeup and pretty clothes and I'll just eat my anxiety away.... :(</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I need to go do some jumping jacks for the rest of the night.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">This wasn't a binge.. It wasn't.. I really, really need to feel like it wasn't a binge.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I can't stand thinking I lost control. I felt in control.. But pie? PIE? :( </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tomorrow will be a success the likes of which blogger has not seen. I will work my ASS off tonight and tomorrow, and if I have any strength left by Saturday I will run circles around the house until my feet wear tracks in the lawn.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">With any luck though, this will kill the '109' plateau I think I was stuck at, since I didn't feel like my weight was budging, and I know throwing in a suddenly large intake is a good way to kill a plateau... We will see. </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sorry for the crappy post girls. I'll do better tomorrow.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioc48MAetUH7JB6ECd8P4erb0h3hrdEj36NwEGQmmXqIb06Pq8wqxFOmBbilNetz9amC_U0Fov0igZmcjBCr-c6iQVZquQY_7V19XdPAAYaAj5H02xj48N86wYs_SOrvE4QZDxoZB1SXQM/s1600/tumblr_ljvc3pjEl91qhpf9yo1_400_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioc48MAetUH7JB6ECd8P4erb0h3hrdEj36NwEGQmmXqIb06Pq8wqxFOmBbilNetz9amC_U0Fov0igZmcjBCr-c6iQVZquQY_7V19XdPAAYaAj5H02xj48N86wYs_SOrvE4QZDxoZB1SXQM/s400/tumblr_ljvc3pjEl91qhpf9yo1_400_large.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
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</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b>Blueberries, grapes, carrots</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> (<b>100</b> cal)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lunch/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> -</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="color: black;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner: </b>Red Lobster Fuckfest (<b>800</b> cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Lots of Water (0 cal) </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">•</span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">900 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 400</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">320</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 330</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;">280</span></span></span></span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">•</span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;">900</span></span></span></span></b></span><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">500</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">400</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">300</span></span></b></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 109.2</span></b></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-</td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">0 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">✔ <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals </b></span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span> </span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">107 lbs by the end of the week</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Download new work out music </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span id="goog_744569218"></span><span id="goog_744569219"></span>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-80074911731799199932011-04-20T19:04:00.000-07:002011-04-20T19:04:51.900-07:00A Post Worth Reading!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsVQ0WezMo5ViPAi95HHzpySbJQ76a4Zi7RpcZhF6f-avuNe0ORLcJE2Y8iAtqU4UKa6-zFVBNlCOYPr-H46sJbNjPegqagcb85m17XLBoDSY8HUA6owhBxxRVgtfno0nZtzLWre4uKfNq/s320/tumblr_lb66c0i2w31qe0083o1_400.png" width="306" /> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b> <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You</span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> are in charge of how you react </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">to the people and events in<b> your </b>life. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>You </b>can either give negativity power over your life </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">or <b>you</b> can choose happiness instead.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">- Anaïs Nin </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Some Positivity and Resources for You!</span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Since I'm constantly reading up on beauty, diet and fitness stuff I decided I want to do a weekly post with some of the info and links that I collect and save every day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Also I know my posts were lacking positivity and motivation the past few days, so this is my apology to you all and hopefully you find something helpful in here! ;)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>"A goal without a plan is just a wish."</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">We can do anything we set our minds to, ladies. We can be and feel just as beautiful as we want.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Keep calm, <i>stay focused</i>, and carry on!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Resources Online</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>1. </b></span><b><span style="font-size: small;">Self (dot) com</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.self.com/"><b>http://www.self.com/ </b></a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I just created an account on there, and dear lord I can NOT tell you <b>how impressed I am with this site</b>! I think most of my favorite things are on this page:</span><br />
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<a href="http://nutritiondata.self.com/"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">http://nutritiondata.self.com/</span></a><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">My absolute favorite part? You can enter a food that you ate, and it will come up with similar foods that would have been better for you! How cool!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">They are currently featuring a<b> Tracy Anderson </b>workout that she has Gwyneth Paltrow do:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.self.com/healthystars/2011/05/gwyneth-paltrows-arm-and-ab-moves-slideshow">http://www.self.com/healthystars/2011/05/gwyneth-paltrows-arm-and-ab-moves-slideshow</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Yes, I am still a huge fan of Tracy Anderson! You should search for her workout videos on YouTube, she gives the best tips! I'm going to try that one later tonight!</span><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><b>2. Allure Magazine</b></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><a href="http://www.allure.com/">http://www.allure.com/ </a></b></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> I am subscribed to Allure Magazine, and they have amazing articles and resources all the time. Their website really blew me away though. They have so many great articles and product reviews from professionals.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> I don't have any specific links from their site right nows, so it's probably best if you go there and read what applies to you! They recently posted a featured called "<b>Look Better Naked!</b>" that was quite good, I recommend checking it out!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Tips & Tidbits</span></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>1)</b> <b>AVOID "DIET" FOODS SWEETENED WITH SUGAR ALCOHOLS</b><br />
"They can cause <i>stomach bloating</i>. (Look for "-ol" endings on ingredients, such as sorbitol.) And it's not just food; even many sugar-free gums and breath mints contain the culprits."</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I have a feeling this is the source of my bloating but I can't tell for sure by the ingredients - I drink 4C "Totally Lite" 0 cal ice tea quite often, and it's sweetened with Splenda. Sounds like I need to drink less of it!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 2. DON'T BUY INTO THE "LATEST AND GREATEST" SKIN CARE GIMMICKS!</span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><u>Go with what is clinically proven time and time again: </u></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">"What's tried and true? Alpha hydroxy acids, retinoids, and peptides are great for fine lines and wrinkles. Salicylic acid works for acne, green tea calms redness, and vitamin K helps with dark undereye circles."</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> - Allure.com</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I can definitely say those ingredients always come up when I read about skin care used for celebrities. I think they summed it up perfectly.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 3. START ANTICIPATING SO YOU CAN PREVENT!</span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">A tip I need to follow: Start preventing aging NOW.<br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">"Start anticipating changes so you can prevent deep lines before they start. If you spot a crinkly or crepey area of skin, start applying serums and lotions containing a mix of peptides ASAP. "Peptides give you the building blocks to make collagen," says Ranella Hirsch, clinical assistant professor of dermatology at Boston University School of Medicine."</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Products I'm Interested in Buying:</span></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Just wanted to make a quick list of products I've been reading reviews of & want to buy.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b> 1. Avon Anew Clinical Advanced Retexturizing Peel</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> What it does: </span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Gets rid of dull skin & sun damage</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">What it Costs: </span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;">$25</span><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Where to Get It:</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Avon.com</span><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Description: </span></b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">"</span><span id="ctl00_cph1_productUpdatePanel"><span style="font-size: x-small;">The at-home answer to chemical peels. Now, in 1 easy step! See results superior to a professional 35% glycolic peel. At home. No appointment necessary. </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;">The advanced exfoliator safely retexturizes and resurfaces skin. Formulated with soothing botanicals that help nourish and calm skin. Peels away dullness and visible age damage so healthier skin cells can surface. 30 unscented pads. *In 6 of 8 attributes tested over a 7-week period. °Results not comparable to professional procedures."</span></i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Won Allure's "Best of Beauty" award.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Numerous excellent reviews online from consumers and experts.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b> 2. Smashbox Photo Finish Foundation Primer</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">What it does: </span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Prepares & perfects skin for foundation application</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">What it Costs: </span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;">$32</span><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Where to Get It:</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Sephora or smashbox.com</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Description: </span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><em>"Create the perfect canvas for foundation application with our best-selling PHOTO FINISH FOUNDATION PRIMER. with grapeseed extract to soothe and protect skin, this oil-free, colorless formula fills in fine lines and pores to help skin appear visibly softer with a smooth velvet finish. use after moisturizer and before foundation for complexion perfection"</em></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><span style="color: #888888; font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Winner of Best of Sephora Award for Best Primer </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">One of </span></span></span></span><span style="color: #888888; font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">Marie Claire's "25 Products That Will Change Your Life"</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: #888888; font-family: Verdana; font-size: x-small;">InStyle Best Beauty Buy </span> <span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Also I'm a huge believer in using make-up primers. When I'm using eyeshadow I always use a primer first (Urban Decay <em>Eyeshadow Primer</em> Potion) and I need to find a good foundation primer!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Can't wait to get my hands on this!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>3. Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment SPF 15</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">What it does: </span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Heals and protects chapped lips<br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">What it Costs: </span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;">$22</span><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Where to Get It:</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Sephora </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></b></div><div> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Description:</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span><i><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small; font-weight: normal;">"Sugar Lip Treatment SPF 15 blends reparative oils and waxes with real sugar, a natural humectant, for delectable and dependable moisture. Sweet and tart blackcurrant oil, rich in plumping essential fatty acids, cushions the lips while antioxidant grapeseed polyphenols and vitamins A, C, and E provide protection from wrinkle-causing free radicals. It also provides essential, year-round protection from damaging UV rays."</span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Won Allure's "Best of Beauty" award.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Numerous excellent reviews online from consumers and experts. </span></div> <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Some Questions for you!</span></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">1) What do you do about stretch marks? Do you have them? </span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>2) What do you use on your lips for chapstick? Do you have trouble with chapped lips?</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> <b>3) What brand or model is your bathroom scale? Do you like it, would you recommend it?</b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(I need a new scale!!!!!!!!!!)</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thanks ladies! Love and hugs!</span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Stay strong and stay smiling. :)</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">- Rowan</span></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB305efih1yIiG7I0kksDFnWKUBtrN2Wo_5nFpiTUvUkw5KIxoZKMN8PHNWB72EwNZXQGIacSy2_1tEDyWZzdpJLhODuoKCMvGw2OY9H9Jt6FVGINNpyozTrLgNdRQwJi5R3OF0piboHvo/s1600/tumblr_l67ttqDWcf1qb16h4o1_500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB305efih1yIiG7I0kksDFnWKUBtrN2Wo_5nFpiTUvUkw5KIxoZKMN8PHNWB72EwNZXQGIacSy2_1tEDyWZzdpJLhODuoKCMvGw2OY9H9Jt6FVGINNpyozTrLgNdRQwJi5R3OF0piboHvo/s1600/tumblr_l67ttqDWcf1qb16h4o1_500_large.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b>An apple</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> (<b>50</b> cal)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lunch/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> -</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="color: black;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner: </b>Soup (<b>130</b> cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Toast (<b>100 </b>cal)<b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Iced Green Tea (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Acai and Blueberry Green Tea (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Iced Red Peach Tea (0 cal) </span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Water (0 cal) </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">280 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 400</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">320</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 330</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;">280</span></span></span></span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">400</span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">500</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">400</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">300</span></span></b></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 109.2</span></b></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-</td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">0 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">✔ <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals </b></span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span> </span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">107 lbs by the end of the week</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Download new work out music </span></span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-55733522429589345772011-04-20T15:09:00.000-07:002011-04-20T16:57:36.628-07:00Today I am Weightless<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSaShhhRp2U5tMmDId8-8NjAzMTZYlD4D22_uUry2i7eBxm8WylpSSyc4pfkKYETgRwabvnm1hqe5PZZ7F6XrK3S1hPRjIPlBl3xST2F2r45Qhvxm24McAwPbs4WnUDsDWe1DJu7w0UIiv/s1600/tumblr_ljh8q9SeOj1qhd043_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSaShhhRp2U5tMmDId8-8NjAzMTZYlD4D22_uUry2i7eBxm8WylpSSyc4pfkKYETgRwabvnm1hqe5PZZ7F6XrK3S1hPRjIPlBl3xST2F2r45Qhvxm24McAwPbs4WnUDsDWe1DJu7w0UIiv/s1600/tumblr_ljh8q9SeOj1qhd043_large.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">She turned her cant's into cans</div><div style="text-align: center;">And her dreams into plans</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today I am Weightless</span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Good evening, Blogger. :) I feel small and achy today, it's lovely. And I am "weightless" because I could not weigh myself, lol. I didn't get any time alone to do so today. However, everyone else is going out to dinner. I asked to just have the time alone and they agreed that was fine. So, they're about to leave right now, and I think I will weigh myself. But, unless it's a loss I'm not recording it, because I already ate an apple and drank a large amount of tea today. I always weigh in the morning with an empty stomach. I use to weigh all day long and there's really no point. You're just weighing your stomach contents all day. It has nothing to do with your actual body aside from perhaps how it's bloating your stomach. Atleast that's how I feel most of the time now. It took some getting use to when I decided to stop beating myself up after every glass of water. Especially when water and tea are great diet aids and so important for nice skin.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Last night I did have a snack. I felt dirty and fat for doing so, but I knew it was the right thing to do, I don't want to get out of control. So, I ate a yogurt. I guess I opted for this because my stomach has been on the fritz and is cramping and bloating and I'm not even sure if it's from my period anymore (since that hasn't arrived) and yogurt is good for regulating. I had some tums also, and I woke up this morning without the bloating but still a bit crampy. I can deal with cramps though! :) </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Also I'll probably have soup for dinner, maybe try to eat a whole can... We'll see. My goal today was 300 but I'm upping it to 400, I really need to stop going so low. I know, it's great to have a low intake but... I don't want to destroy my metabolism. And part of me knows I can't lose TOO fast. I just can't. I'm being watched, even if not that closely, and I can't bear what would happen if they found out, my whole world would change.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Okay, off to weigh and eat dinner, I will post later. ;)</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Dinner Update</span></b></span><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">It's getting harder to eat and easier to starve again. I ate most of the can of soup, probably 130 calories. I ate a piece of toast as well, 100 calories. I feel stuffed. I want to rewind, go back to this morning, go back to feeling empty. I don't know what to say right now, I'm feeling very conflicted. I hate food. I really do. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">But what I hate most of all is advertising. I'm not talking about fashion advertising either. I'm talking about the gorgeous, skinny women eating chocolate bars and talking about how "delicious" McDonald's burgers are. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I want to live in that world, where you can eat whatever you want and still look fabulously thin and feel overjoyed after you finish eating too. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Oh, and I weighed before dinner. Slightly over 109 still, meaning if I had been able to weigh this morning before all the tea and apple I would have seen a loss. Oh well. Hopefully tomorrow I can weigh.</span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Thanks for the comments, I'll try to post again later tonight with responses. I just really need to go for a run or something right now.. </span><br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b>An apple</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> (<b>50</b> cal)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lunch/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> -</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="color: black;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner: </b>Soup (<b>130</b> cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Toast (<b>100 </b>cal)<b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Iced Green Tea (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Acai and Blueberry Green Tea (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Iced Red Peach Tea (0 cal) </span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Water (0 cal) </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">280 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 400</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">320</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 330</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;">280</span></span></span></span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">400</span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">500</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">400</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">300</span></span></b></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 109.2</span></b></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-</td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">0 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">✔ <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals </b></span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span> </span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">107 lbs by the end of the week</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Download new work out music </span></span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-67558550320775851332011-04-19T16:07:00.000-07:002011-04-19T18:37:18.764-07:00Let's Just Go Back to Bed...<div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLA_wmEwJEcmmvq3EX8OYLYdA6awPwzfJrc6GTGP7hWfhDB3r1sBdhjNOAvr6TqWMjBfEo_a4M8uMOZggoAw_ibcfK_8cNVKya-7BJRQmYzbq7nNWeGBTWHn1NrELLNfw52PFf7tWN3LOS/s1600/tumblr_lizi0r5V4F1qb620ho1_500_large.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLA_wmEwJEcmmvq3EX8OYLYdA6awPwzfJrc6GTGP7hWfhDB3r1sBdhjNOAvr6TqWMjBfEo_a4M8uMOZggoAw_ibcfK_8cNVKya-7BJRQmYzbq7nNWeGBTWHn1NrELLNfw52PFf7tWN3LOS/s1600/tumblr_lizi0r5V4F1qb620ho1_500_large.png" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Faking a smile is much easier</span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">than explaining why you are upset.</span></span> <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">The Weather is Gray Today</span></b></span><br />
<div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Maybe it's exhaustion from working out and running around like a psycho yesterday.</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Maybe it's from getting up early after only a few hours of interrupted sleep.</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Maybe it's the rainy, dreary weather seeping into my soul. </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Maybe it's from spending three hours on hair, makeup and clothes and still feeling just "okay".</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Maybe it's because I ate too much, even though I didn't eat much at all.</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Maybe it's because I couldn't weigh myself this morning. </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Maybe it's from pretending this disorder isn't a problem.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>But all I want to do is sleep! </b></span></div><br />
<div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Binge cravings hit me hard last night right before getting into my bubble bath. It was not one of those "<i>I'll just have a piece of toast.....</i>" and you pretend it won't turn into a binge but you know it will. It wasn't a craving for a certain food. It <i>was</i> a craving for <b>binging</b>. One of those, "<i>I'll eat ice cream, chips, peanuts, granola bars, cookies, chocolate, pizza, french toast, yogurt, cheese sticks, EVERYTHING!!!!!!" </i>feelings. I even felt a little panicked about it, my heart started racing and I was almost SWEATING thinking about it. It was INSANE. And I had this moment where I felt like my ED was just punching me in the chest. I like to think I can force myself to be as normal as possible, just lose weight and pretend that the mental aspect of this doesn't exist and it's all just a game, it's okay, I don't need help, I'm really just fine....</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">And then I remember, there really <i>is</i> something inherently wrong with how I feel about food.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">And how I feel about my body. </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Normal people don't stand around thinking about all the food they could possibly stuff their face with in the next half hour, even if purging isn't on their agenda.</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>But not to worry!</b> I didn't actually have a hard time saying 'no' to the binge beast. In fact I honestly wasn't contemplating <i>doing it</i>. Doing it is absurd and unfathomable, it simply isn't an option. I guess I was just day dreaming, craving it, lusting for it, and because I knew I'm not allowed to it was like torturing myself. But when the craving was over (it was pretty fleeting) I sort of laughed about how ridiculous and childish the thought of it was. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b> If hunger is not the problem, food is <i>not</i> the answer.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Keep Calm</span> and <span style="font-size: large;">Carry On</span>.</b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">I had a wonderful bath with some hot tea and frozen grapes. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Too bad my boy and I couldn't enjoy it together. Just a few more weeks!</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyp76cftr5lTovVlZYtxFOA3Y5sgXZGl2yXTV_cHZpdjkwtH1XfqmIvCgUp_4XsR4MSKR0dCS7QG8iI_8wOFFz12KG9gewd8Bd3OHVIG8Kh_mt5JijySeSG4P8ggZOUOEluK8JHbRY3sCC/s1600/tumblr_l9swq2ghf61qd9lrdo1_400_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyp76cftr5lTovVlZYtxFOA3Y5sgXZGl2yXTV_cHZpdjkwtH1XfqmIvCgUp_4XsR4MSKR0dCS7QG8iI_8wOFFz12KG9gewd8Bd3OHVIG8Kh_mt5JijySeSG4P8ggZOUOEluK8JHbRY3sCC/s1600/tumblr_l9swq2ghf61qd9lrdo1_400_large.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><3<br />
</span><br />
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</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I had to run errands all day and needed some fuel for driving (and not for the car) so I brought a baggy of grapes and blueberries to munch on along the way, and I just finished an apple because I'm feeling pretty worn down.</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Also, <b>Easter candy was bought today</b>. Jelly beans, mini peanut butter cups, chocolate bunnies, those candy-coated malt eggs, M&Ms and more. There is a garbage can next to my computer, this is where my portion of that candy is going to end up. All of it. I may allow a jelly bean or two, in front of my parents so they don't get weird. And I will do <b>50 crunches per jelly bean</b>, without fail. I will not succumb to this. I was strong during Halloween candy, I can be strong for this, no problem. Candy is gross!!<br />
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</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Unfortunately, I completely missed any opportunity to weigh myself this morning.</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">So my weight is unknown today. Probably not helping my mood, lol.</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I actually felt small today though.. My bum feels tight and sore, my thighs are aching, my calves are tender, my upper arms are weak and painful and my stomach muscles feel strong (I tend to clench them all day long, and the day after a really good workout it's like second-nature to clench them, I don't even think about it and it feels great); my workout-binge must have been a success!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> I might have soup for dinner depending on what everyone else is eating. "I don't feel good" will be the reason. Gosh I feel conflicted. I feel like I'm getting smaller but I'm just too tired and achy to give a damn, lol! I lost weight? Great, hand me that pillow please. Haha! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">I think I'll take a nap later and then do some sort of fun work out. Belly dancing, or maybe just free dancing tonight. That always cheers me up! :)</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Sorry for a kind of gloomy post girls, I just don't have it in me to be energetic today, lol. But I'm taking it one day at a time still, keeping my promises to myself and my body, treating it as well as I can and trying to appreciate and celebrate the little successes and see the beauty in myself. :)</span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">The Dinner Update</span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Yep, I had soup. In fact, everyone else thought soup sounded good, so I made soup and sandwiches for everyone. Some wanted a tuna sandwich (400 cal atleast) and some opted for left over cinnamon raisin french toast that I toasted with butter and powdered sugar (atleast 200 cal per slice) and they all had split pea and ham soup (gross in my opinion but 100 cal per serving I believe). I have no idea why I estimate the calories on things I'm not going to eat anyway. Maybe to scare myself out of eating them? I don't know. It's like, if I'm near food I need to know how many calories and how healthy it is. Anyway, I had a Light "Weight Watchers" noodle and veggie soup, 120 cal for the whole can and I ate only veggies and broth, so probably 90 calories, and I didn't have anything else to go with it. So, I had 90 calories where they had atleast 500 each. I normally don't compare it but holy good god! And then they wanted dessert!</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">That makes today's intake a whopping... 190... I'm doing it again. I'm going under my goals by a lot again... I can't help myself. I feel so bloated from eating the soup.... I just want a hot bath and a good book and some soft music... Things to sooth my senses.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">I should eat. It's not like I don't love food, I do, I'm a food-aholic, my thighs can prove it. It's just that emotionally it hurts so much. I feel bloated and awful... Fehhh. Dancing and then a bath. That's the agenda.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">If I feel less bloated by then I will have one of the following:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Fat free greek yogurt (140 cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Cinnamon Raisin Bread Toasted (110 cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Granola bar (120-190 cal, depending on which one)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Banana (100 cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span><span>Dried Prunes (25 cal each)</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span><span>Right now my choices are a lot to think about. For one thing, I know when I first move in with the boy I won't be helping with the food bill, so I can't expect to have my "safe foods" around to eat. So, if I eat nothing but fruits and veggies right now, the first carbs my body encounters it's going to HOARD the fat and calories and I'm going to want to BINGE. So I know I need to prepare myself, not deprive myself, or losing control will be all the more tempting (even though I will NOT, it will be torture). And for another thing, I do want to raise my intake when I get to my ultimate goal weight. How reasonable is this? Will it work? I don't know, but I sure as bloody hell hope so, because if I can't eat more than I am now, my hair is going to fall out and I'll probably kill someone.... Or something.</span></span></span><br />
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</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span><span>Ugh I'm so exhausted, I'm sorry ladies but I'll reply to comments tomorrow okay? :( </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span><span>I love you all so much, but I really need sleep and I need to stop stressing over the fooooood. </span></span></span><br />
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</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span><span><3 Hugs & Love,</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span><span>Rowan</span></span></span></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b>Handful </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">Grapes & Blueberries (<b>50</b> cal)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lunch/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> Apple (<b>50</b> cal)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="color: black;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner: </b>Light Veggie and Noodle Soup - Just broth & veggies (<b>90</b> cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Iced Green Tea x6 (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Acai and Blueberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Iced Red Peach Tea x3 (0 cal) </span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Water (0 cal) </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">190 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 500</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">320</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">190</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">300</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">400</span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">500</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">400</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">300</span></span></b></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 109.2</span></b></td> <td style="color: #999999; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-</td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">0 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">✔ <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals </b></span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span> </span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">107 lbs by the end of the week</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Download new work out music </span></span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-23339872981522425462011-04-18T20:03:00.000-07:002011-04-18T20:03:48.878-07:00A Post to Change Your Life (notreally)<div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg7Ej2OgFpcrAzaDHJgdbSGAPdqkOM2Ff_Sv4E9BdIlc-y-iSV65Yut7c0Nq6gj6iyr_rimai9H0XhPFYwUQNln2LsX5VSqfMNO2RFLhLEZZfNFU7MLvl-8CMYUE53iAHZz17qK1Uq76Fe/s1600/tumblr_ljnt7wAAah1qalfwlo1_500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg7Ej2OgFpcrAzaDHJgdbSGAPdqkOM2Ff_Sv4E9BdIlc-y-iSV65Yut7c0Nq6gj6iyr_rimai9H0XhPFYwUQNln2LsX5VSqfMNO2RFLhLEZZfNFU7MLvl-8CMYUE53iAHZz17qK1Uq76Fe/s320/tumblr_ljnt7wAAah1qalfwlo1_500_large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b> </b>"Don't believe everything you read. </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Especially the Mirror."</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus</span></b></div><span style="font-size: large;"> <b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;"> </span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Close Encounters of the Calorie Sort</span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">This is Rowan, reporting to you live from the trenches of her very own keyboard to bring you this, very interesting, very important breaking news: At precisely some time after 5 o'clock pm this very evening I took part in what some may call, a "<i>fabulous dining experience</i>". On the menu at this elaborate shindig was our very good friend, Mr. Salmon. Say hello, won't you Mr. Salmon? <i>Oh, I'm sorry, are you in the process of being digested right now?</i> I'm sorry folks, Mr. Salmon is unable to comment. It appears neither he nor his dear friend Mrs. Salad have anything to say at this time but our sponsors would like to assure you that all is well in the Stomach Region and programming should continue as scheduled until tomorrow morning at which point we are expecting a sudden drop in Bowel population. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Thank you for tuning in, as always, we wish you a most boring reading experience and please do feel free to leave your thoughts, complaints, well wishes and dirty hankies in the little box below labeled "comments". Disclaimer: Please do not leave any vomit in said box, it's very difficult to get out of the java script.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> ....</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> Sorry folks, but that's about as interesting as I could possibly make tonight's update. Grilled salmon and salad for dinner, I passed on the red beans and rice. I've got some grapes in the freezer and I'm waiting for them to freeze so I can have them for dessert. Ironically enough, they are "chilling" with the Forbidden Fudge Brownie ice cream. <i>Forbidden indeed.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I've been working out all day, running up and down the stairs endlessly and guzzling gallons of green tea. I'm<b> wired</b>, needless to say, which I originally typo'ed as "weird"... Get out of here, Freud. Tonight I plan to collapse into a hot bubble bath, red peach tea and frozen grapes at my side, pamper myself for a few hours, drench myself in deeply nourishing lotion and then slide into bed with a magazine & lust after some fabulous legs for maybe 4.5 seconds before falling completely unconscious. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">By the way, I'm sending off my subscription to Vogue tomorrow.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Hugs, kisses, and sweet (but calorie free) dreams.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">- Rowan</span><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;">1 apple (<b>50</b> cal)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lunch/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> --</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="color: black;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner: </b>3oz Grilled Salmon (<b>200</b> cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Salad with light honey mustard (<b>70</b> cal) </span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Iced Green Tea x2 (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Acai and Blueberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Pomegranate and Raspberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Iced Red Peach Tea x1 (0 cal) </span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Water (0 cal) </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">320 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 400</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">320</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">500</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">300</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">400</span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">500</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">400</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">300</span></span></b></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 109.2</span></b></td> <td style="color: #999999; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-</td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-</td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">0 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">✔ <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals </b></span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span> </span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">107 lbs by the end of the week</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Download new work out music </span></span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-31924245748483733782011-04-18T10:12:00.000-07:002011-04-18T10:12:30.622-07:00The Work Week Begins Again<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoMI7P7b8AUzUAnJq4SIqs6e9qlfju10qLW4b7ShC_GOngxrQtOOlhpQ5xIXZan3nIdjprJznjMFN87h9IpOIidcG4wbUur4JRJcxQ9H7PTc90dY-In4UmAusvCBciHXWD7A4szyXC1P9c/s1600/tumblr_li8mkh5QBc1qh7ooro1_500_large.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoMI7P7b8AUzUAnJq4SIqs6e9qlfju10qLW4b7ShC_GOngxrQtOOlhpQ5xIXZan3nIdjprJznjMFN87h9IpOIidcG4wbUur4JRJcxQ9H7PTc90dY-In4UmAusvCBciHXWD7A4szyXC1P9c/s1600/tumblr_li8mkh5QBc1qh7ooro1_500_large.png" /></a> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>My beloved monster and me</b>,<br />
We go everywhere together.<br />
He will always be the only thing<br />
That comes between me and the awful sting<br />
<b>That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean. </b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">- Eels (My Beloved Monster... Sorta)</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">I'm not sure if those lyrics relate more to my boy, or my ED...</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Another Fresh Start</span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">So now it's Monday, the beginning of another week. I've got <b>two</b> good weeks under my belt, and this week will be no different! However, I think my weight is going to be a bit crummy since I'm definitely bloating & cramping from my period now. :( The cramps suck but the bloating I completely hate. My tummy is the part of me I'm most proud of and it's really depressing to see it get all pooched-out. ;(</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Needless to say, my weight hasn't budged, probably in anticipation. Going to work out extra all week to try to keep that number down. But as long as my intake remains low, I'll be happy. :) And there's no reason why it won't. :)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Took a nice hike today, tried to keep my heart rate up (which isn't hard when I'm restricting, my heart normally feels like it's going to burst out of my chest) and I'll probably go for another one later along with lots of youtube workouts tonight and my regular circuit.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">By the way I was unable to take new measurements because the tape measure has vanished. There's a million reasons for this, but suspect #1 has four fuzzy paws and an affinity for small plastic things filled with string that rattle... She'll be up for interrogation this evening.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Since my period is here, the best I'm going to hope for by Sunday is 107 lbs. I know that's only 2lbs, and I know I wanted to lose 4lbs a week, but I forgot to take into account the monthly bitch and I simply gain so much when I have it. ;/ Bummer dude. But what can ya do. We'll see! I'll do my best!</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Oh, I am missing my boy so badly right now, and I have to wait so long to see him. :( My heart is just aching... I hate not having his reassurance, he makes me feel so beautiful, so small... And so <b><i>adored</i></b>... And most of all I just want to be held. I want to go back to cuddling all day and pretending to wrestle and all the silly little things that happen under those sheets... Ugh... But, atleast the next time I see him I will never have to say goodbye again.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Thinspo</span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><i>Theme: Couples</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Not really focused on thin.. But I'm feeling sappy so shut up. :( <b><i><br />
</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><i><br />
</i></b></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2OKEdIvcyR4Qp7peeH2ZgIzgCrHCb67RYYUe5_Qh0Igg3hm-LxhMRk0fiTVMoEXxMaSmtuRYi6SVdSiSHQY0AauO6JIdqk99vgdZZr1UZK6KB3AoFdXPeMSdxPisrrtDVK2sog5U3qRP5/s1600/tumblr_ljo1momNHx1qi4fpro1_500_large.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2OKEdIvcyR4Qp7peeH2ZgIzgCrHCb67RYYUe5_Qh0Igg3hm-LxhMRk0fiTVMoEXxMaSmtuRYi6SVdSiSHQY0AauO6JIdqk99vgdZZr1UZK6KB3AoFdXPeMSdxPisrrtDVK2sog5U3qRP5/s320/tumblr_ljo1momNHx1qi4fpro1_500_large.png" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">In Response to Your Comments</span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/09814506192781786746" rel="nofollow">Lottie</a> <span style="font-size: x-small;">- Thanks so much beautiful! I know I can too, it's just a matter of focus and time! <3 Thank you for the support! xoxox</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/00528855359059638159" rel="nofollow">Kate</a> <span style="font-size: x-small;">- MyFitnessPal looks awesome actually, I'm totally working on signing up right now! Unfortunately I usually can't use Pandora, my internet is crap, but I'll keep trying and if I can at some point I will definitely look that up! <3 <3 <3 Thank you so much for the support lovie! Can't wait to read your post!! <3 Hugs!</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/03227055906066798343" rel="nofollow">Olivia</a><span style="font-size: x-small;"> - I left a comment on your blog but I will post here too. When I get to my ultimate goal weight I'm going to try to increase my intake slowly and see how much I can get away with eating without gaining. I don't know what my body will really look like at 100, so I don't know if that's even the ideal weight for me yet. There's a lot to "wait and see" about! I also want to keep my body toned so I know I'll have to eat enough for working out still. <3 Thanks for the love and support, I'm so so glad my blog inspires you and I'm so glad you're feeling better!!</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;">1 apple (<b>50</b> cal)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lunch/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> --</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="color: black;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner: </b>-</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Iced Green Tea x2 (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Acai and Blueberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Pomegranate and Raspberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Iced Red Peach Tea x1 (0 cal) </span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Water (0 cal) </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">50 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 400</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">50</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">500</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">300</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span></span></span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">400</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"></span></span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></b></td> <td style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">500</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">400</span></span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">300</span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"></span></span></span></b></span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 109.2</span></b></td> <td style="color: #999999; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-</td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>-</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-</td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">-</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">0 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">✔ <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals </b></span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span> </span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">107 lbs by the end of the week</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Download new work out music </span></span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-15364796893189711662011-04-17T20:54:00.000-07:002011-04-17T20:54:46.475-07:00One Day at a Time<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqlUksDbF2ZLT9sziNfvvonjrSG58qWyrc6hqoV_Sxqx63WR6tDwR8D_2TbEOqWHxat0zGW4poeVbkb9EMazvwlh6yKmPxIiDE5f74R71jQsI8WAKAd-bmYaJdMttj_dwyseHDwive2ZWs/s1600/tumblr_ljoa08Yh3E1qe4xmjo1_500_large.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqlUksDbF2ZLT9sziNfvvonjrSG58qWyrc6hqoV_Sxqx63WR6tDwR8D_2TbEOqWHxat0zGW4poeVbkb9EMazvwlh6yKmPxIiDE5f74R71jQsI8WAKAd-bmYaJdMttj_dwyseHDwive2ZWs/s400/tumblr_ljoa08Yh3E1qe4xmjo1_500_large.png" width="400" /></a></div><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> I’m taking it one day at a time,</span></b><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">and I’m getting by.<br />
And by the way,<br />
<b>It’s you on my mind.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">- Schuyler Fisk (Waking Life)<br />
</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Another Bittersweet Ending</span></b></span><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;"></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">It's Sunday, the end of yet another week. Another <i>successful</i> week. That makes <b>2 good weeks in a row</b>, with only 2 days that were slightly over my calorie goals. My weight today was nothing to cheer about, but nothing to cry about either. I haven't gained or lost a single ounce since yesterday, but it seems like the right way to end the week. Besides, last night I had a taco and those always make me bloat, so not gaining is the best I could have asked for. :)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Unfortunately the storm last night made the power go out, so my post didn't go through, but I promise I won't post 3 entries today! Hehe</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">So, being a fat girl, I've never owned a pair of skinny jeans or a mini skirt. Never. Not a single one. I think that when I get to 105 lbs I will buy a pair of skinny jeans, and at 100 (if my legs look good enough) I will buy a mini skirt. What do you ladies think? My budget permitting, that is. lol Also, several sets of very frilly lingerie. I have pretty bras and panties of course, but I want to go all-out and get some matching sheer nighties and garter belts and stockings, some new corsets, the whole nine yards. Mmm lingerie shopping!! Can't wait!!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Also I pretty much have a moving-out date now, and it's not nearly as soon as we had hoped but it's still next month. If I had to push it to June I might have dismembered someone. It's just going to be the end of May. In terms of my love life, that sucks a little. In terms of my diet, it's awesome. I now know I have most of next month to continue losing/staying on track.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">All in all if I keep eating and losing the way I have been, maybe May will be all about toning and maintaining! I mean, I don't know how much I lost last week, but this week I've lost about 4lbs. So, two weeks of similar success and I should be down to 101 or close, if not 100... April 30th is exactly two weeks away, so by the end of April I may very well be at 100. And I can spend May learning how to maintain, seeing how much I can eat, finding some good workouts and fixing up areas of my body that need it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm more than certain <b><i>I</i></b> can do it, I just don't know what situations may arise to force me to eat more. There aren't any birthdays but there's talk of "Lobster Fest" at Red Lobster... The worst place ever for calorie-phobic people. But other than that, I'm not seeing too many issues.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">I think a big part of succeeding is <b>expecting to succeed.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Because it seems like when I expect to fail, I'm more likely to give in to bad foods. </b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">It's so weird though, to feel this close... I mean it just seemed like I would be stuck in that struggle perpetually and now I seem to have the perfect method down for losing, I'm totally ready for this, everything is just falling into place so perfectly. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">I understand the closer you get to being underweight the harder it gets, so things may not go that smoothly, but even if they don't I've got lots of time now to get there.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">This is the longest I've been away from my boy in well over a year...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">I hope that at the end of next month when he sees me he will be blown away!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Hope you ladies had a good weekend and here's to the success of next week! <3 </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Hugs and Kisses, </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Rowan</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;"> </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;">1 apple and a handful of blueberries and grapes (<b>100</b> cal)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Dessert/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> More grapes and blueberries (<<b>100</b> cal)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="color: black;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner: </b>Light Chicken Noodle Soup (ate only broth) (<b>100 </b>cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Salad w/ Light Honey Mustard Dressing (<b>70</b> cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Iced Green Tea x2 (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Acai and Blueberry Green Tea x2 (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Pomegranate and Raspberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Iced Red Peach Tea x1 (0 cal) </span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Water (0 cal) </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">370 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 500</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">615</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 263</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">455</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> </span></span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: black;">433</span> </span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">•</span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">570</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> </span></span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">425</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;">370</span></span></span></span></b></span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 113.3</span></b></td> <td style="color: #999999; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">112.9</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>111.2</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>110.1</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">109.2</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">109.2</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">4.1 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals: </b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span> </span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">110 lbs by the end of the week </span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Download new work out music</span></span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-5395395157512130632011-04-17T13:34:00.000-07:002011-04-17T13:34:59.220-07:00The Season of Strawberries<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjZyRE3Mx7Y8-bLrofsdAzG9WjA-DJeEGW34U_-BNi-RPO_QCvPdXVXTNpkA2T7jqj-WR367bcHNc7KRHIU00U5D0C1IA3vJepQ2Xggc4_Ugv-wecZ5VvI0pTzVGnUDmnoir-5-6SP1441/s1600/tumblr_ljo977FJtO1qcy3seo1_500_large.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjZyRE3Mx7Y8-bLrofsdAzG9WjA-DJeEGW34U_-BNi-RPO_QCvPdXVXTNpkA2T7jqj-WR367bcHNc7KRHIU00U5D0C1IA3vJepQ2Xggc4_Ugv-wecZ5VvI0pTzVGnUDmnoir-5-6SP1441/s400/tumblr_ljo977FJtO1qcy3seo1_500_large.png" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The best way to predict the future is to create it.</span></b></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">So stop worrying about what could go wrong,</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">And start thinking about what could go right,</span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And all the great things that will be.</span><b><br />
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</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
<b>** This was suppose to be posted last night but we lost power, ugh!!</b><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">The Best Advice (A Giant Rant)</span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">So, a while ago I received some really inspirational advice. It was probably two, maybe three years ago. And it was one of those things that you listen to, but it takes the right moment, the right situation, to really make you understand it. And lately it's been running through my head a lot. I didn't know how to share it with all of you, but I think if you can come to embrace it you would find it equally as motivating and effective. So here it is, to the best of my understanding:</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">"Before you can succeed at anything, you have to see it in your mind.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You have to envision yourself there, as if it had already happened.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You have to feel the satisfaction of that accomplishment NOW.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You have to act as if you have it NOW.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Or you will be chasing it in the dark, lost and without direction."</span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I know it doesn't seem like much, and maybe the person who passed it on to me said it better, but I'm learning more and more how true it is (and how it works). Imagining being in my ideal body is difficult. I can see all my current flaws, I can see everything I want to be different, we're all really great at that. In fact, we're probably champions in the "make yourself feel bad" division of this special olympics. And if there's one thing I've always known (I use to talk about it a lot when I started blogging) it's that a positive attitude and a smile go a million times farther than a frown and feeling defeated. </span><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I'm no expert at being happy. I've had to work to realize what I have and what I'm capable of, and some days I don't see it anyway. Some days, as my blog has proven, I am totally down-and-out and ready to quit. And maybe it seems hypocritical that I should write about being positive and happy when I'm definitely no Mary Sunshine, but on the days that I can capture that positive attitude, <i>I can conquer the world</i>. And in the past I know I could have felt the same from time to time, but I let the opportunity pass me by, I preferred to wallow in my misery.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">But at some point I realized that it's not about being happy for anyone else, or "putting on a mask for the world" so you look happy and make people comfortable, it's the very simple and selfish fact that when you empower yourself and tell yourself "<b>I can</b>" instead of "I can't", you accomplish things, and through that gain satisfaction and happiness. I don't think "happy" comes naturally to everyone. And I don't think it means being perky all the time. I think it means believing in yourself, accomplishing the things you want and removing negative influences from your life so you can shape it into something you're proud of.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And in my case, so I can shape myself into something I'm proud of.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And when you get down to it, sitting around telling yourself how crappy you look or how bad your life is doesn't do anything but make you feel like you've already lost the game. I'm trying to learn more and more how to shut out those negative voices. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">This rant all sparked from those ana & mia letters/guidelines that circulate, with their #1 rule being "hate yourself every minute of every day". Well, guess what? We already do that. We wouldn't be resorting to these extremes if we didn't, we wouldn't need each others support if we started out loving ourselves. And quite honestly I don't see how hating yourself even more can possibly improve anything or make you more likely to eat less and exercise more... I don't get it. Why do we preach that stuff to each other? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I know we all have very different goals and ideals about what is beautiful and what we're willing to do to obtain that beauty. Personally, my goal is not to kill myself or to end up in a hospital (no one will get to appreciate how fabulous I look if I'm dead, duh!). I want to be underweight but maintain as much of my health as is possible too. This is not to say I judge anyone else's goals or that I honestly think my goals or methods are healthy (they aren't, I know this).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">But I think what most of us have in common is that we're doing this so we can like ourselves better, right? But if all I do is beat myself up and curse the cabbage plant under which I was found, that constant barrage of "YOU SUCK" will not only slow down my efforts but also leave a lasting imprint that's going to make 100, 95, or 80 lbs "SUCK" just because that's all I'm capable of thinking anymore. I know because all the years of telling myself "YOU SUCK" is still resounding in my head every day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> I'm not giving up my weight goals any time soon, or ever probably, but I do want to be happy and proud when I get there, and I don't see any harm in telling myself that I AM worth it, that I CAN do it, that I AM beautiful and am only getting MORE BEAUTIFUL. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Sorry for being preachy, I guess I'm just frustrated by being told by some anonymous image that I should hate myself as much as possible when I'm already very good at that....</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b> Fucking love yourself, damn it!! Hahahaha</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">So, the other half of that fantastic advice is this (as it applies to our goals):</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Take a few minutes every morning and see yourself in your perfect body. I mean really see it, damn. Really imagine yourself controlling those delicate little wrists and those dainty ankles, those graceful, slim legs and that delightful flat tummy. Now try to go eat a slice of cake, ha! Bet you can't! ;)<br />
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</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Today I am 109 lbs and things are good.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Thinspo</span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Theme: Long Hair</span></span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I chopped my super long hair off a few months ago. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And I miss it a lot. Going to grow it out again, yay! :) </span></span></span><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
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</span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">In Response to your Comments</span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> Basically I have too many comments right now to reply to them individually, so let me just say:</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Thank you. </b>From the bottom of my heart to every single one of you and to all of your blogs, thank you. Your support and love has kept me so much stronger than I would be on my own and I'm so glad so many of you consider my blog inspiring, it certainly has helped me so much. My only regret is that I will probably never get to meet any of you in the real world, hold you, laugh with you, love with you, or be a part of your lives for real. You mean so much to me and yet I can never hug you... Yeah, it kinda blows. But thank you so much guys. <3 I love you, truly. And I hope you love yourselves today, because if anyone deserves some lovin' it's you ladies. <3</span></span></span><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;"><br />
</span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Dinner Update </span></b></span><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;"> </span></b></span><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;"></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I am not counting the calories in my fruit snack. I'm going to work out like crazy and I need strength (also my periods on its way and if I don't get some antioxidants my skin is gonna break out like a motherfucker!) not to mention I need to not feel "starving" before I eat those damn tacos</span>.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Had 1 taco for dinner, about 400 cal. </span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;"> </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;">1 prune (<b>25</b> cal)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lunch/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> 1 cup blueberries and grapes (<b>Free</b> omg!)</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="color: black;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner: </b>1 taco (<b>400 </b>cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">(ingredients are the same as last weeks taco)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Iced Pomegranate Green Tea x1 (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Acai and Blueberry Green Tea x2 (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Pomegranate and Raspberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Iced Red Peach Tea x3 (0 cal) </span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Water (0 cal) </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">425 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 500</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">615</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 263</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">455</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> </span></span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: black;">433</span> </span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">•</span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">570</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> </span></span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">425</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">500 </span></b></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 113.3</span></b></td> <td style="color: #999999; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">112.9</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>111.2</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>110.1</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">109.2</span></b></td> <td style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-</td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">4.1 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals: </b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span> </span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">110 lbs by the end of the week </span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Download new work out music</span></span><br />
<b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> Take new measurements of waist, arms, legs, etc.</span></span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3848146201839273868.post-78369380470245684662011-04-16T10:55:00.000-07:002011-04-16T16:08:06.334-07:00Missing My Boy... :(<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIcl7lzwgsuhpJDzvWFbmDQ0LpvNrAll5axtU-AkZDgP7E2fJjSLdT0j2sTFzV5yToT0ZKohE4Wg8j6NS7ESD1oVNEmV8UtcH9CyjDFLzQ_Ai9qA07iZGfswC7hAZHu-qCs3ubFoBZrh62/s1600/tumblr_l7ox4kX5kQ1qah2i4o1_400_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIcl7lzwgsuhpJDzvWFbmDQ0LpvNrAll5axtU-AkZDgP7E2fJjSLdT0j2sTFzV5yToT0ZKohE4Wg8j6NS7ESD1oVNEmV8UtcH9CyjDFLzQ_Ai9qA07iZGfswC7hAZHu-qCs3ubFoBZrh62/s1600/tumblr_l7ox4kX5kQ1qah2i4o1_400_large.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b> <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Wake up and change your life.</span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> <b>See the goal ahead of you as though it has already happened</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And make failure impossible.</span></b><b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">A Quick One (Again)</span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm missing my boy so terribly this morning. :( But I don't have time to talk about it, sigh.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span><br />
<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Sorry again, I have to make another quick post and not include thinspo or replies, and I know I have a lot to reply to now! But I just want to say thank you ladies so much, your love and support and kind words are bringing me nearly to tears this morning (you're going to ruin my make up, thanks so much, hahaha!). And I just want to say that I really don't feel like this pact not to binge and/or purge will be that hard. I think we all have the power in us to stop, to have complete control of our choices. I know it won't be easy all the time, but I know what my triggers are, I can feel binges coming, and I have all the tools in the world to prevent them. I think we all do, and I think we all know the key is to stay calm, relax and distract ourselves. The feeling almost always passes if you give it enough time to. </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Also I wanted to post my weight this morning too! I thought for sure that slice of pizza would kill my winning (or rather, losing) streak so I worked my ass off last night, and much to my ultimate pleasure and surprise:</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>109.2 lbs</b></span></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> I have officially reached a new low! Or is it a new high? Hehehe</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Ahhh, so happy. But I don't have time to celebrate much, I have a lot to do today.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Going to buy some new tea today too, really excited about that!! I love the tea section at the grocery store lol, there's just a huge wall full of tea, gah! So wonderful!!</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Also on the list: Apples, blueberries, strawberries, cucumbers, celery, grapes and salad greens.</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Yummy stuff!! </span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Stay strong ladies, I promise I will find time today to make a better post! <3 I love you!</span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;"> </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Today's Intake </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Breakfast: </b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;">1 prune (<b>25</b> cal)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Lunch/Snack<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">:</span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> -</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><div style="color: black;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Dinner: </b>-</span></div><div style="color: black;"><br />
</div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Fluids:</b> Iced Pomegranate Green Tea x1 (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Red Goji and Raspberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Passionfruit and Raspberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)</span></div><div style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Water (0 cal) </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Total: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> <span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: small;">25 </span></span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">cal</span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(<i>Today's Goal: 500</i>) </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #f6b26b;"><span style="font-family: Homemade Apple;">Calorie Calendar</span></b></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> <b>(4/11 - 4/17)</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<table border="1" style="width: 473px;"><tbody>
<tr> <td style="color: #e69138; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><b>♥</b></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Monday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="54"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Tuesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="73"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Wednesday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="56"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Thursday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="51"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Friday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="59"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saturday</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;" width="150"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sunday</span></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Calories</span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"> </span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">615</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 263</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></span></span></span></b><b style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">455</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">•</span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"> </span></span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: black;">433</span> </span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">•</span></span></span></b><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">570</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">• </span></span></span></span></b><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">25</span></b></td> <td style="color: #93c47d; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">500 </span></b></td> </tr>
<tr> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Weight</span></td> <td style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> 113.3</span></b></td> <td style="color: #999999; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>?</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">112.9</span></b></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>111.2</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>110.1</b></span></td> <td style="color: black; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">109.2</span></b></td> <td style="color: #f9cb9c; font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; text-align: center;">-</td></tr>
</tbody></table><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #93c47d;">Calorie Goal</span> </span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Calorie Total</span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <b>:: </b></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">• </span></span></b><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Met Goal</span></span></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>::</b> </span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;">• </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Over Goal <b>::</b> </span></span></span></span></span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">•</span> </span></span></span></b><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: black;">Incomplete</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Weight Loss: <b style="color: #6aa84f;">4.1 lbs</b><b> :: </b>Weight Gain:<b style="color: #e06666;"> 0 lbs</b> </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Weekly Goals: </b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span> </span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">110 lbs by the end of the week </span>✔</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">• </span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Download new work out music</span></span><br />
<b style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="color: #6fa8dc;"><span style="color: #e69138;">•</span></span></span></span></span></b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> Take new measurements of waist, arms, legs, etc.</span></span></div>Rowanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16667722617668857355noreply@blogger.com3