A Post Worth Reading!

 

 You are in charge of how you react 

to the people and events in your life. 

You can either give negativity power over your life 

or you can choose happiness instead.

- Anaïs Nin

Some Positivity and Resources for You!

Since I'm constantly reading up on beauty, diet and fitness stuff I decided I want to do a weekly post with some of the info and links that I collect and save every day. 


Also I know my posts were lacking positivity and motivation the past few days, so this is my apology to you all and hopefully you find something helpful in here! ;)

"A goal without a plan is just a wish."

We can do anything we set our minds to, ladies. We can be and feel just as beautiful as we want.
Keep calm, stay focused, and carry on!

Resources Online

1. Self (dot) com
http://www.self.com/


I just created an account on there, and dear lord I can NOT tell you how impressed I am with this site! I think most of my favorite things are on this page:

http://nutritiondata.self.com/


My absolute favorite part? You can enter a food that you ate, and it will come up with similar foods that would have been better for you! How cool!


They are currently featuring a Tracy Anderson workout that she has Gwyneth Paltrow do:


http://www.self.com/healthystars/2011/05/gwyneth-paltrows-arm-and-ab-moves-slideshow


Yes, I am still a huge fan of Tracy Anderson! You should search for her workout videos on YouTube, she gives the best tips! I'm going to try that one later tonight!

 2. Allure Magazine

http://www.allure.com/

 I am subscribed to Allure Magazine, and they have amazing articles and resources all the time. Their website really blew me away though. They have so many great articles and product reviews from professionals.

 I don't have any specific links from their site right nows, so it's probably best if you go there and read what applies to you! They recently posted a featured called "Look Better Naked!" that was quite good, I recommend checking it out!

Tips & Tidbits

1) AVOID "DIET" FOODS SWEETENED WITH SUGAR ALCOHOLS
"They can cause stomach bloating. (Look for "-ol" endings on ingredients, such as sorbitol.) And it's not just food; even many sugar-free gums and breath mints contain the culprits."

I have a feeling this is the source of my bloating but I can't tell for sure by the ingredients - I drink 4C "Totally Lite" 0 cal ice tea quite often, and it's sweetened with Splenda. Sounds like I need to drink less of it!

 2. DON'T BUY INTO THE "LATEST AND GREATEST" SKIN CARE GIMMICKS!

Go with what is clinically proven time and time again:

"What's tried and true? Alpha hydroxy acids, retinoids, and peptides are great for fine lines and wrinkles. Salicylic acid works for acne, green tea calms redness, and vitamin K helps with dark undereye circles."

 - Allure.com

I can definitely say those ingredients always come up when I read about skin care used for celebrities. I think they summed it up perfectly.

 3. START ANTICIPATING SO YOU CAN PREVENT!

A tip I need to follow: Start preventing aging NOW.
 

"Start anticipating changes so you can prevent deep lines before they start. If you spot a crinkly or crepey area of skin, start applying serums and lotions containing a mix of peptides ASAP. "Peptides give you the building blocks to make collagen," says Ranella Hirsch, clinical assistant professor of dermatology at Boston University School of Medicine."

 Products I'm Interested in Buying:

 Just wanted to make a quick list of products I've been reading reviews of & want to buy.

 1. Avon Anew Clinical Advanced Retexturizing Peel

 What it does: Gets rid of dull skin & sun damage

What it Costs: $25

Where to Get It: Avon.com

Description:  "The at-home answer to chemical peels. Now, in 1 easy step! See results superior to a professional 35% glycolic peel. At home. No appointment necessary. The advanced exfoliator safely retexturizes and resurfaces skin. Formulated with soothing botanicals that help nourish and calm skin. Peels away dullness and visible age damage so healthier skin cells can surface. 30 unscented pads. *In 6 of 8 attributes tested over a 7-week period. °Results not comparable to professional procedures."

• Won Allure's "Best of Beauty" award.

• Numerous excellent reviews online from consumers and experts.

 2. Smashbox Photo Finish Foundation Primer

What it does: Prepares & perfects skin for foundation application

What it Costs: $32

Where to Get It: Sephora or smashbox.com

Description: "Create the perfect canvas for foundation application with our best-selling PHOTO FINISH FOUNDATION PRIMER. with grapeseed extract to soothe and protect skin, this oil-free, colorless formula fills in fine lines and pores to help skin appear visibly softer with a smooth velvet finish. use after moisturizer and before foundation for complexion perfection"

•Winner of Best of Sephora Award for Best Primer

• One of Marie Claire's "25 Products That Will Change Your Life"

• InStyle Best Beauty Buy 

Also I'm a huge believer in using make-up primers. When I'm using eyeshadow I always use a primer first (Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion) and I need to find a good foundation primer!

Can't wait to get my hands on this!

3. Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment SPF 15

What it does: Heals and protects chapped lips

What it Costs: $22

Where to Get It: Sephora

Description: "Sugar Lip Treatment SPF 15 blends reparative oils and waxes with real sugar, a natural humectant, for delectable and dependable moisture. Sweet and tart blackcurrant oil, rich in plumping essential fatty acids, cushions the lips while antioxidant grapeseed polyphenols and vitamins A, C, and E provide protection from wrinkle-causing free radicals. It also provides essential, year-round protection from damaging UV rays."

• Won Allure's "Best of Beauty" award.

• Numerous excellent reviews online from consumers and experts.

 

 Some Questions for you!

1) What do you do about stretch marks? Do you have them?

2) What do you use on your lips for chapstick? Do you have trouble with chapped lips?

 3) What brand or model is your bathroom scale? Do you like it, would you recommend it?

(I need a new scale!!!!!!!!!!)

Thanks ladies! Love and hugs!

Stay strong and stay smiling. :)

- Rowan

 

Today's Intake 

Breakfast: An apple (50 cal)

Lunch/Snack: -

Dinner: Soup (130 cal)
Toast (100 cal)

Fluids: Iced Green Tea (0 cal)

Acai and Blueberry Green Tea  (0 cal)

Iced Red Peach Tea (0 cal)

Water (0 cal) 

Total: • 280 cal
(Today's Goal: 400)

Calorie Calendar (4/11 - 4/17)

♥	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
Calories	• 320	• 330	• 280	400	500	400	300
Weight	109.2	?	?	-	-	-	-

Calorie Goal :: Calorie Total :: • Met Goal :: • Over Goal :: • Incomplete 
Weight Loss: 0 lbs :: Weight Gain: 0 lbs 

✔ Weekly Goals ✔

• 107 lbs by the end of the week

 • Download new work out music

Today I am Weightless

She turned her cant's into cans

And her dreams into plans

Today I am Weightless

Good evening, Blogger. :) I feel small and achy today, it's lovely. And I am "weightless" because I could not weigh myself, lol. I didn't get any time alone to do so today. However, everyone else is going out to dinner. I asked to just have the time alone and they agreed that was fine. So, they're about to leave right now, and I think I will weigh myself. But, unless it's a loss I'm not recording it, because I already ate an apple and drank a large amount of tea today. I always weigh in the morning with an empty stomach. I use to weigh all day long and there's really no point. You're just weighing your stomach contents all day. It has nothing to do with your actual body aside from perhaps how it's bloating your stomach. Atleast that's how I feel most of the time now. It took some getting use to when I decided to stop beating myself up after every glass of water. Especially when water and tea are great diet aids and so important for nice skin.


Last night I did have a snack. I felt dirty and fat for doing so, but I knew it was the right thing to do, I don't want to get out of control. So, I ate a yogurt. I guess I opted for this because my stomach has been on the fritz and is cramping and bloating and I'm not even sure if it's from my period anymore (since that hasn't arrived) and yogurt is good for regulating. I had some tums also, and I woke up this morning without the bloating but still a bit crampy. I can deal with cramps though! :)


Also I'll probably have soup for dinner, maybe try to eat a whole can... We'll see. My goal today was 300 but I'm upping it to 400, I really need to stop going so low. I know, it's great to have a low intake but... I don't want to destroy my metabolism. And part of me knows I can't lose TOO fast. I just can't. I'm being watched, even if not that closely, and I can't bear what would happen if they found out, my whole world would change.


Okay, off to weigh and eat dinner, I will post later. ;)


Dinner Update

It's getting harder to eat and easier to starve again. I ate most of the can of soup, probably 130 calories. I ate a piece of toast as well, 100 calories. I feel stuffed. I want to rewind, go back to this morning, go back to feeling empty. I don't know what to say right now, I'm feeling very conflicted. I hate food. I really do. 


But what I hate most of all is advertising. I'm not talking about fashion advertising either. I'm talking about the gorgeous, skinny women eating chocolate bars and talking about how "delicious" McDonald's burgers are. 


I want to live in that world, where you can eat whatever you want and still look fabulously thin and feel overjoyed after you finish eating too.

Oh, and I weighed before dinner. Slightly over 109 still, meaning if I had been able to weigh this morning before all the tea and apple I would have seen a loss. Oh well. Hopefully tomorrow I can weigh.


Thanks for the comments, I'll try to post again later tonight with responses. I just really need to go for a run or something right now..

Today's Intake 

Breakfast: An apple (50 cal)

Lunch/Snack: -

Dinner: Soup (130 cal)
Toast (100 cal)

Fluids: Iced Green Tea (0 cal)

Acai and Blueberry Green Tea  (0 cal)

Iced Red Peach Tea (0 cal)

Water (0 cal) 

Total: • 280 cal
(Today's Goal: 400)

Calorie Calendar (4/11 - 4/17)

♥	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
Calories	• 320	• 330	• 280	400	500	400	300
Weight	109.2	?	?	-	-	-	-

Calorie Goal :: Calorie Total :: • Met Goal :: • Over Goal :: • Incomplete 
Weight Loss: 0 lbs :: Weight Gain: 0 lbs 

✔ Weekly Goals ✔

• 107 lbs by the end of the week

 • Download new work out music

Let's Just Go Back to Bed...

Faking a smile is much easier

than explaining why you are upset.

The Weather is Gray Today

 Maybe it's exhaustion from working out and running around like a psycho yesterday.

Maybe it's from getting up early after only a few hours of interrupted sleep.

Maybe it's the rainy, dreary weather seeping into my soul.

 Maybe it's from spending three hours on hair, makeup and clothes and still feeling just "okay".

Maybe it's because I ate too much, even though I didn't eat much at all.

Maybe it's because I couldn't weigh myself this morning.

Maybe it's from pretending this disorder isn't a problem.

But all I want to do is sleep!

Binge cravings hit me hard last night right before getting into my bubble bath. It was not one of those "I'll just have a piece of toast....." and you pretend it won't turn into a binge but you know it will. It wasn't a craving for a certain food. It was a craving for binging. One of those, "I'll eat ice cream, chips, peanuts, granola bars, cookies, chocolate, pizza, french toast, yogurt, cheese sticks, EVERYTHING!!!!!!" feelings. I even felt a little panicked about it, my heart started racing and I was almost SWEATING thinking about it. It was INSANE. And I had this moment where I felt like my ED was just punching me in the chest. I like to think I can force myself to be as normal as possible, just lose weight and pretend that the mental aspect of this doesn't exist and it's all just a game, it's okay, I don't need help, I'm really just fine....

And then I remember, there really is something inherently wrong with how I feel about food.
And how I feel about my body.

Normal people don't stand around thinking about all the food they could possibly stuff their face with in the next half hour, even if purging isn't on their agenda.

But not to worry! I didn't actually have a hard time saying 'no' to the binge beast. In fact I honestly wasn't contemplating doing it. Doing it is absurd and unfathomable, it simply isn't an option. I guess I was just day dreaming, craving it, lusting for it, and because I knew I'm not allowed to it was like torturing myself. But when the craving was over (it was pretty fleeting) I sort of laughed about how ridiculous and childish the thought of it was.

 If hunger is not the problem, food is not the answer.
Keep Calm and Carry On.

I had a wonderful bath with some hot tea and frozen grapes. 
Too bad my boy and I couldn't enjoy it together. Just a few more weeks!

<3

I had to run errands all day and needed some fuel for driving (and not for the car) so I brought a baggy of grapes and blueberries to munch on along the way, and I just finished an apple because I'm feeling pretty worn down.

Also, Easter candy was bought today. Jelly beans, mini peanut butter cups, chocolate bunnies, those candy-coated malt eggs, M&Ms and more. There is a garbage can next to my computer, this is where my portion of that candy is going to end up. All of it. I may allow a jelly bean or two, in front of my parents so they don't get weird. And I will do 50 crunches per jelly bean, without fail. I will not succumb to this. I was strong during Halloween candy, I can be strong for this, no problem. Candy is gross!!

Unfortunately, I completely missed any opportunity to weigh myself this morning.

So my weight is unknown today. Probably not helping my mood, lol.

I actually felt small today though.. My bum feels tight and sore, my thighs are aching, my calves are tender, my upper arms are weak and painful and my stomach muscles feel strong (I tend to clench them all day long, and the day after a really good workout it's like second-nature to clench them, I don't even think about it and it feels great); my workout-binge must have been a success!

 I might have soup for dinner depending on what everyone else is eating. "I don't feel good" will be the reason. Gosh I feel conflicted. I feel like I'm getting smaller but I'm just too tired and achy to give a damn, lol! I lost weight? Great, hand me that pillow please. Haha!

I think I'll take a nap later and then do some sort of fun work out. Belly dancing, or maybe just free dancing tonight. That always cheers me up! :)


Sorry for a kind of gloomy post girls, I just don't have it in me to be energetic today, lol. But I'm taking it one day at a time still, keeping my promises to myself and my body, treating it as well as I can and trying to appreciate and celebrate the little successes and see the beauty in myself. :)

The Dinner Update

Yep, I had soup. In fact, everyone else thought soup sounded good, so I made soup and sandwiches for everyone. Some wanted a tuna sandwich (400 cal atleast) and some opted for left over cinnamon raisin french toast that I toasted with butter and powdered sugar (atleast 200 cal per slice) and they all had split pea and ham soup (gross in my opinion but 100 cal per serving I believe). I have no idea why I estimate the calories on things I'm not going to eat anyway. Maybe to scare myself out of eating them? I don't know. It's like, if I'm near food I need to know how many calories and how healthy it is. Anyway, I had a Light "Weight Watchers" noodle and veggie soup, 120 cal for the whole can and I ate only veggies and broth, so probably 90 calories, and I didn't have anything else to go with it. So, I had 90 calories where they had atleast 500 each. I normally don't compare it but holy good god! And then they wanted dessert!


That makes today's intake a whopping... 190... I'm doing it again. I'm going under my goals by a lot again... I can't help myself. I feel so bloated from eating the soup.... I just want a hot bath and a good book and some soft music... Things to sooth my senses.

I should eat. It's not like I don't love food, I do, I'm a food-aholic, my thighs can prove it. It's just that emotionally it hurts so much. I feel bloated and awful... Fehhh. Dancing and then a bath. That's the agenda.


If I feel less bloated by then I will have one of the following:


Fat free greek yogurt (140 cal)
Cinnamon Raisin Bread Toasted (110 cal)
Granola bar (120-190 cal, depending on which one)
Banana (100 cal)
Dried Prunes (25 cal each)

Right now my choices are a lot to think about. For one thing, I know when I first move in with the boy I won't be helping with the food bill, so I can't expect to have my "safe foods" around to eat. So, if I eat nothing but fruits and veggies right now, the first carbs my body encounters it's going to HOARD the fat and calories and I'm going to want to BINGE. So I know I need to prepare myself, not deprive myself, or losing control will be all the more tempting (even though I will NOT, it will be torture). And for another thing, I do want to raise my intake when I get to my ultimate goal weight. How reasonable is this? Will it work? I don't know, but I sure as bloody hell hope so, because if I can't eat more than I am now, my hair is going to fall out and I'll probably kill someone.... Or something.


Ugh I'm so exhausted, I'm sorry ladies but I'll reply to comments tomorrow okay? :( 
I love you all so much, but I really need sleep and I need to stop stressing over the fooooood. 


<3 Hugs & Love,
Rowan

Today's Intake 

Breakfast: Handful Grapes & Blueberries (50 cal)

Lunch/Snack: Apple (50 cal)

Dinner: Light Veggie and Noodle Soup - Just broth & veggies (90 cal)

Fluids: Iced Green Tea x6 (0 cal)

Acai and Blueberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)

Iced Red Peach Tea x3 (0 cal)

Water (0 cal) 

Total: • 190 cal
(Today's Goal: 500)

Calorie Calendar (4/11 - 4/17)

♥	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
Calories	• 320	•190	300	400	500	400	300
Weight	109.2	?	-	-	-	-	-

Calorie Goal :: Calorie Total :: • Met Goal :: • Over Goal :: • Incomplete 
Weight Loss: 0 lbs :: Weight Gain: 0 lbs 

✔ Weekly Goals ✔

• 107 lbs by the end of the week

 • Download new work out music

A Post to Change Your Life (notreally)

 "Don't believe everything you read. 

Especially the Mirror."

-The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

 
Close Encounters of the Calorie Sort

This is Rowan, reporting to you live from the trenches of her very own keyboard to bring you this, very interesting, very important breaking news: At precisely some time after 5 o'clock pm this very evening I took part in what some may call, a "fabulous dining experience". On the menu at this elaborate shindig was our very good friend, Mr. Salmon. Say hello, won't you Mr. Salmon? Oh, I'm sorry, are you in the process of being digested right now? I'm sorry folks, Mr. Salmon is unable to comment. It appears neither he nor his dear friend Mrs. Salad have anything to say at this time but our sponsors would like to assure you that all is well in the Stomach Region and programming should continue as scheduled until tomorrow morning at which point we are expecting a sudden drop in Bowel population. 

Thank you for tuning in, as always, we wish you a most boring reading experience and please do feel free to leave your thoughts, complaints, well wishes and dirty hankies in the little box below labeled "comments". Disclaimer: Please do not leave any vomit in said box, it's very difficult to get out of the java script.

 ....

 Sorry folks, but that's about as interesting as I could possibly make tonight's update. Grilled salmon and salad for dinner, I passed on the red beans and rice. I've got some grapes in the freezer and I'm waiting for them to freeze so I can have them for dessert. Ironically enough, they are "chilling" with the Forbidden Fudge Brownie ice cream. Forbidden indeed.


I've been working out all day, running up and down the stairs endlessly and guzzling gallons of green tea. I'm wired, needless to say, which I originally typo'ed as "weird"... Get out of here, Freud. Tonight I plan to collapse into a hot bubble bath, red peach tea and frozen grapes at my side, pamper myself for a few hours, drench myself in deeply nourishing lotion and then slide into bed with a magazine & lust after some fabulous legs for maybe 4.5 seconds before falling completely unconscious.


By the way, I'm sending off my subscription to Vogue tomorrow.

Hugs, kisses, and sweet (but calorie free) dreams.
- Rowan

Today's Intake 

Breakfast: 1 apple (50 cal)

Lunch/Snack: --

Dinner: 3oz Grilled Salmon (200 cal)
Salad with light honey mustard (70 cal)

Fluids: Iced Green Tea x2 (0 cal)

Acai and Blueberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)

Pomegranate and Raspberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)
Iced Red Peach Tea x1 (0 cal)

Water (0 cal) 

Total: • 320 cal
(Today's Goal: 400)

Calorie Calendar (4/11 - 4/17)

♥	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
Calories	•320	500	300	400	500	400	300
Weight	109.2	-	-	-	-	-	-

Calorie Goal :: Calorie Total :: • Met Goal :: • Over Goal :: • Incomplete 
Weight Loss: 0 lbs :: Weight Gain: 0 lbs 

✔ Weekly Goals ✔

• 107 lbs by the end of the week

 • Download new work out music

The Work Week Begins Again

 

My beloved monster and me,
We go everywhere together.
He will always be the only thing
That comes between me and the awful sting
That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean.

- Eels (My Beloved Monster... Sorta)

I'm not sure if those lyrics relate more to my boy, or my ED...

Another Fresh Start

So now it's Monday, the beginning of another week. I've got two good weeks under my belt, and this week will be no different! However, I think my weight is going to be a bit crummy since I'm definitely bloating & cramping from my period now. :( The cramps suck but the bloating I completely hate. My tummy is the part of me I'm most proud of and it's really depressing to see it get all pooched-out. ;(

Needless to say, my weight hasn't budged, probably in anticipation. Going to work out extra all week to try to keep that number down. But as long as my intake remains low, I'll be happy. :) And there's no reason why it won't. :)

Took a nice hike today, tried to keep my heart rate up (which isn't hard when I'm restricting, my heart normally feels like it's going to burst out of my chest) and I'll probably go for another one later along with lots of youtube workouts tonight and my regular circuit.

By the way I was unable to take new measurements because the tape measure has vanished. There's a million reasons for this, but suspect #1 has four fuzzy paws and an affinity for small plastic things filled with string that rattle... She'll be up for interrogation this evening.

 Since my period is here, the best I'm going to hope for by Sunday is 107 lbs. I know that's only 2lbs, and I know I wanted to lose 4lbs a week, but I forgot to take into account the monthly bitch and I simply gain so much when I have it. ;/ Bummer dude. But what can ya do. We'll see! I'll do my best!

Oh, I am missing my boy so badly right now, and I have to wait so long to see him. :( My heart is just aching... I hate not having his reassurance, he makes me feel so beautiful, so small... And so adored... And most of all I just want to be held. I want to go back to cuddling all day and pretending to wrestle and all the silly little things that happen under those sheets... Ugh... But, atleast the next time I see him I will never have to say goodbye again.

Today's Thinspo

Theme: Couples

Not really focused on thin.. But I'm feeling sappy so shut up. :(

In Response to Your Comments

 Lottie - Thanks so much beautiful! I know I can too, it's just a matter of focus and time! <3 Thank you for the support! xoxox

Kate - MyFitnessPal looks awesome actually, I'm totally working on signing up right now! Unfortunately I usually can't use Pandora, my internet is crap, but I'll keep trying and if I can at some point I will definitely look that up! <3 <3 <3 Thank you so much for the support lovie! Can't wait to read your post!! <3 Hugs!

Olivia - I left a comment on your blog but I will post here too. When I get to my ultimate goal weight I'm going to try to increase my intake slowly and see how much I can get away with eating without gaining. I don't know what my body will really look like at 100, so I don't know if that's even the ideal weight for me yet. There's a lot to "wait and see" about! I also want to keep my body toned so I know I'll have to eat enough for working out still. <3 Thanks for the love and support, I'm so so glad my blog inspires you and I'm so glad you're feeling better!!

Today's Intake 

Breakfast: 1 apple (50 cal)

Lunch/Snack: --

Dinner: -

Fluids: Iced Green Tea x2 (0 cal)

Acai and Blueberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)

Pomegranate and Raspberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)
Iced Red Peach Tea x1 (0 cal)

Water (0 cal) 

Total: • 50 cal
(Today's Goal: 400)

Calorie Calendar (4/11 - 4/17)

♥	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
Calories	• 50	500	300	400	500	400	300
Weight	109.2	-	-	-	-	-	-

Calorie Goal :: Calorie Total :: • Met Goal :: • Over Goal :: • Incomplete 
Weight Loss: 0 lbs :: Weight Gain: 0 lbs 

✔ Weekly Goals ✔

• 107 lbs by the end of the week

 • Download new work out music