Hope Guides

"Hope guides me.

It is what gets me through the day, 

and especially the night."

- A Knights Tale

Hope keeps me thinking: All is not lost.

It is not too late, we have not gone too far.

I sit at home, alone. Watching Mad Men.

Doing sit ups.

I haven't eaten anything today. 

Yesterday I ate some soup broth, three carrots,

and a handful of craisins. 

I can't say I am happy, 

but my mind is calm.

It's not like being in a fog;

it's as if I am the fog.

Calm, sober, silent. 

Drifting along without much to say.

No one can understand this place but us.

Anyway... I bought a new scale.

It's kept me focused.

Since I recently started blogging again I have fasted twice.

I am very happy with that... I think.

It feels like I am somewhere else.

There's so much to be happy about, so much celebration going on in my life.

My birthday is tomorrow.

But I can't touch it. I don't think I can touch anything.

I feel like I've locked my heart away again.

Thank you for the comments on my last blog,

and Olivia - I have missed your blogs very much. I still think of them. :) 

I am glad to be back here.

I feel very wrapped up in the shame of my failure, after so many blogs about how great I am 

at losing weight and living life, ha! I hope you still accept me as I am.

<3

Love and hugs to all of you out there.