"Hope guides me.
It is what gets me through the day,
and especially the night."
- A Knights Tale
Hope keeps me thinking: All is not lost.
It is not too late, we have not gone too far.
I sit at home, alone. Watching Mad Men.
Doing sit ups.
I haven't eaten anything today.
Yesterday I ate some soup broth, three carrots,
and a handful of craisins.
I can't say I am happy,
but my mind is calm.
It's not like being in a fog;
it's as if I am the fog.
Calm, sober, silent.
Drifting along without much to say.
No one can understand this place but us.
Anyway... I bought a new scale.
It's kept me focused.
Since I recently started blogging again I have fasted twice.
I am very happy with that... I think.
It feels like I am somewhere else.
There's so much to be happy about, so much celebration going on in my life.
My birthday is tomorrow.
But I can't touch it. I don't think I can touch anything.
I feel like I've locked my heart away again.
Thank you for the comments on my last blog,
and Olivia - I have missed your blogs very much. I still think of them. :)
I am glad to be back here.
I feel very wrapped up in the shame of my failure, after so many blogs about how great I am
at losing weight and living life, ha! I hope you still accept me as I am.
Love and hugs to all of you out there.