Oh what I would give to have these legs!
So, last night was insane. The family Halloween party was bigger and better than last year, I actually had a blast for once. I spent most of it getting completely smashed.
And, to my supreme delight, I ATE VERY LITTLE! In fact, I ate less yesterday than some normal days! I had a banana for breakfast so I wouldn't be hungry and thus eat less of the fatty-goodness at the party. I don't know if that's what made me eat less, but for whatever reason I had some chips and dip, and had a few grapes. And that was it! With all the chaos of the party, no one noticed that I didn't eat the main-course or desert. Of course, booze has calories but I tried not to worry about that. Not like it takes much to get me drunk anymore. Drinking on an empty, or near-empty tummy is fun.
Sorry for my last entry ladies. Sometimes I get hyped up and ditsy and think I'm spouting something brilliant. Of course reading it today you must all think I'm a fruitcake. I'm always bothered by how rare I feel like I'm "acting like myself". I feel like I've lost so much of my personality while trying to figure out who I want to be... I don't know who I was anymore.
My boyfriend and I talk about anatomy too much lately. I'm the one to start 70% of the time, maybe more. I've even told him recently, "I was feeling really fat today, but I weighed myself and felt a little better. I've lost weight." And he was like, "Oh what, you weigh 100 pounds now, instead of 102?" He's always making me feel so pretty... but I hate it. I don't want to start thinking I'm thin before I really am. Then I'll just be another fat girl, content with being average, alright with her mediocre body for the rest of her life. No, I don't want that.
He's always telling me I'm "tiny". And his friends are always telling me the same. We talked on the phone for over two hours last night, both of us drunk and separated by distance, terribly romantic and sappy as usual... I won't go into details lol. But he kept talking about my "slender body" and how "perfect" it is. God I love him so much! He makes me feel like a fucking goddess. But I'm not, and I've got to stay focused. I want to be beautiful. I want to be his little doll, his play thing. I want to wow him every time he sees me.
ANYWAY! Last night after everyone went to sleep, I went and weighed myself while I was naked. I figured it would be around 112 or 114, after drinking and everything at the party... But no. 110.5 And yes, as always, I weighed myself several more times.
Really? I can't even believe it still. I've reached my goal? How can this be? I don't feel much thinner. Where did this weight come from? Hopefully my ass. =P
I weighed again this morning: 112 lbs. But I had a lot of clothing on, so I assume that was the difference. It's getting cold and I don't walk around without a hoodie on.
I can't wait to weigh myself again tonight. I'm not as happy as I thought I would be, but it probably just hasn't really hit me. Once I get to 109 I think I'll really start feeling it, lol! I don't believe in any numbers until I start going below it and stay there for a few days. Right now I still feel 114! Lol