Giving up Something Good for Something Better.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

To Start With

Let's start with stats:
I'm five feet and four inches tall. I weigh 114 pounds.
My highest weight was ~140 pounds (no lie, I was huge!).
My lowest weight was 112 pounds.
So I can feel fairly decent right now, I think!
The tragedy of being short is that 114 pounds looks like nothing on a tall girl. 
On me, it's quite a bit still. But I'll get there.

Oh, and I'm 18.

Today I had 1/4 cup cereal (Life - no milk) and several large red grapes.
Later, 1/3 can light chicken & rice soup and ate mostly broth and veggies out of it.
Other than that I had a few lightly salted mixed nuts and a slice of toast.
Lots of water, lots of green tea. I lost count today. :/

Our society is so fucked and fat. Why do people eat so damn much? 

I once read that if all of the food in the whole world was gathered up and distributed evenly no one would have enough food to be healthy. But if you read health articles, doctors would have you eating something from every food group three times a day. Who needs that much? And why? Who decided this is how we should live? The food industry? Fuck off with your "nutritional guidelines" and your desire to profit from making me fat. I won't do it.

I am my own God, damn it. I will create me. 
I will create the most beautiful me possible and I will live the life I want. 

I clean the house constantly. I make extra trips up and down the stairs. Ten trips for ten objects that could easily be carried all at once. It's nice to feel accomplished, to be helping others and to be burning fat. When I wash dishes, I scrub each one extra long, polish the pans and work until my arms are tired and sore.

I like to make food for others. Sometimes I feel bad that I'm giving them fatty foods that I would never let myself eat, but it's their life, and if it makes them happy it makes me happy too. I wish they could feel the same for me. Thankfully no one notices much. I'm sick a lot and my weight loss is always contributed to that. "She's not anorexic, she's been sick so much this year, she can't help it."

I got violently sick a few weeks ago. I threw up so much and for so long, the worst I've ever been sick, and that's honestly saying a lot. It made me realize that even though I thought I was taking small enough bites and chewing long enough, I wasn't. Not at all. Now I'm extra focused on cutting up my food tiny. Chewing it into a paste before I swallow, no matter what it is. Big drink of water between EVERY bite. Put that fork down as often as possible.

Burn calories every way I can. Sit up straight, tighten those stomach muscles! Turn computer time into work-out time! Listen to music that makes you move all the time! 

I no longer yearn for fat, unhealthy foods. I don't miss it! Not even a little! It's a great feeling. I can't look at cake or doughnuts or icecream without feeling sick, without seeing a pile of jiggly fat on a plate. Researching unhealthy foods has helped a lot. Looking at pictures of high fructose corn syrup is enough to make a person blow chunks. Not to mention the disturbing facts about the meat industry. You're not only eating, you're eating all the chemicals they've pumped into those critters. You know they mix arsenic into chicken feed to make the chickens hungrier and thus fatter? How do we know that doesn't pass on to us? Maybe eating that steriod-stuffed poltry is what makes you reach for the rest of his family in that bucket of deep-fried fatty shit? I'm no peta freak, it's not worth it. I'd have to fix me before I tried to fix the rest of the world, and there's just not enough time for that.

Anywho. This is an awfully long post for my first go, but it's been building up for a long time.
I've wanted to write one of these for a long time. Glad I did. I feel good. :)

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These are my opinions. You do not have to share them. If you disagree with me, please leave. If you are receiving treatment and do not wish to relapse, close this page. Neither you nor I can force the other to start or stop extreme dieting. You are here by choice. Extreme dieting is not good for you and I do not "suggest" or "endorse" it. However I will support you if you already feel the same as I do.