Giving up Something Good for Something Better.

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Purpose of Life & Halloween

 Do you think this tummy has candy in it? Me thinks not.

I love Halloween. It's my Christmas.
Halloween, my birthday and my boyfriend's birthday are the three most important days of the year for me. I'm not religious.
But of course I wish so badly that candy and junk food were not a part of Halloween.
I've already gone to one Halloween party. Minimal damage, as I mentioned before.
Tomorrow will be the second. And worse: it's a family party. Twice as hard to avoid eating...
Wish me luck!

I weighed-in earlier at 113 lbs! And that was with a lot of extra clothing on!
I'm officially the lowest I've been in years - basically since I hit puberty.

I'm getting so close to my next goal! I really owe a lot to you guys. This blog has made me feel better about myself, let me vent, and helped me understand myself better too. Even though my posts have been a lot of mixed emotions, I feel like I'm growing (emotionally and mentally!) and learning so much.

Which leads me to something I've been thinking about lately - my philosophy on life.
I wanted to put it into words, on this blog.
So, here goes...

My Philosophy on Life:
My lack of religion and my need to be perfect stem from the same issue.
Losing my belief in afterlives and dieties left me searching.
Searching, and wondering why the fuck I'm here.
And more importantly, wtf am I suppose to DO?
(Yes, I know, everyone wonders these things)

When I was a little girl I believed I would grow up and go on some great adventure.
An adventure like in the movies I watched or books I read.
Life would have a reason, it would be a journey with a purpose.
Then I started to realize my life wasn't a movie or a book.
It was just life - science; bioliogy. A spontaneous outbreak.
Cells, molecules, atoms. We're just as significant as bacteria.

And adults didn't have the answers. They didn't have plans. 
They didn't have a purpose either.
They made up their gods and the rules they lived by.
Nothing was forcing them, nothing was driving them except THEM.
They could live their lives, do nothing good with themselves, and die.
And the world would just keep truckin' along.

So, I decided to aim for hapiness.
Just as they created their gods, I would be my own god.
I would choose my purpose.
If life was going to end at some point for no reason, wtf, I'll live for myself!
I didn't want to live and die and not have anything to be proud of. 
And I certainly didn't want to accomplish the same things everyone else did:
Have a job, have kids, have a funeral.
Accomplishing goals was satisfying. It was a bit of happiness.
And if I accomplished lots of goals, I would have a lot of happiness.
Creating art gave me a sense of completion, satisfaction, usefulness, beauty.
So, I wanted to create. I wanted to create ME.
And I wanted to be a work of art too. 
A masterpiece!

So I aim for little milestones.
And what will they add up to? 
The perfect me.
My vision of perfect. My ideals.

And I guess that's what I've gathered from life. 
The purpose is to create yourself.
And that's pretty much what I live by.

I guess in the end you've just got to decide what you love, where you want to be in life, and how you're going to get there. What's your plan? Is your life going to be a series of meaningless events or a painted, sculpted masterpiece of your design? It's never too late to start dreaming. I got a late start, but I see my future clearer every day. And it makes me smile. =)

I don't believe I'm super original or unique. And I don't believe I'm posting anything revolutionary.
It's just for me, really. But I am happy if you can gain something positive from it all.

... Or atleast make sense of it! =P 

Keeping thinking those thin thoughts. <3 I love you guys!


  1. being your own god is actually the fundamental premise of LeVeyan Satanism >.<

    i'm quite scientific in my philosophy in life. in fact i read my first richard dawkins book when i was 14..

    and family get togethers are the WORST. usually i just get a plate and put a tiny bit of food on it so it will looked like i've finished my meal :p it works pretty well. as for the secret scales you could try ordering some online and telling your fam when the package arrives that the package is full of books or silverware or something.

    hope i helped xx
    and gud luck :D

  2. Which is why I am an unofficial Satanist, lol. =) <3 I don't actually belong to the church or anything because I don't feel the need, but my boyfriend does. =)

    I guess this is pretty much a rough-draft dumbed-down version of how I feel about life haha. But that's awesome! It just goes to show that ana ladies don't always fit the bimbo stereotype. I may not be completely brilliant, but I am definitely not a moron. =P

    The idea about the scale is a really good idea! And I've been ordering things online for my boyfriends birthday anyhow, so maybe that would be the best way to go. Thank you soo much!! <3




These are my opinions. You do not have to share them. If you disagree with me, please leave. If you are receiving treatment and do not wish to relapse, close this page. Neither you nor I can force the other to start or stop extreme dieting. You are here by choice. Extreme dieting is not good for you and I do not "suggest" or "endorse" it. However I will support you if you already feel the same as I do.