Do you think this tummy has candy in it? Me thinks not.
I love Halloween. It's my Christmas.
Halloween, my birthday and my boyfriend's birthday are the three most important days of the year for me. I'm not religious.
But of course I wish so badly that candy and junk food were not a part of Halloween.
I've already gone to one Halloween party. Minimal damage, as I mentioned before.
Tomorrow will be the second. And worse: it's a family party. Twice as hard to avoid eating...
Wish me luck!
I weighed-in earlier at 113 lbs! And that was with a lot of extra clothing on!
I'm officially the lowest I've been in years - basically since I hit puberty.
I'm getting so close to my next goal! I really owe a lot to you guys. This blog has made me feel better about myself, let me vent, and helped me understand myself better too. Even though my posts have been a lot of mixed emotions, I feel like I'm growing (emotionally and mentally!) and learning so much.
Which leads me to something I've been thinking about lately - my philosophy on life.
I wanted to put it into words, on this blog.
So, here goes...
My Philosophy on Life:
My lack of religion and my need to be perfect stem from the same issue.
Losing my belief in afterlives and dieties left me searching.
Searching, and wondering why the fuck I'm here.
And more importantly, wtf am I suppose to DO?
(Yes, I know, everyone wonders these things)
When I was a little girl I believed I would grow up and go on some great adventure.
An adventure like in the movies I watched or books I read.
Life would have a reason, it would be a journey with a purpose.
Then I started to realize my life wasn't a movie or a book.
It was just life - science; bioliogy. A spontaneous outbreak.
Cells, molecules, atoms. We're just as significant as bacteria.
And adults didn't have the answers. They didn't have plans.
They didn't have a purpose either.
They made up their gods and the rules they lived by.
Nothing was forcing them, nothing was driving them except THEM.
They could live their lives, do nothing good with themselves, and die.
And the world would just keep truckin' along.
So, I decided to aim for hapiness.
Just as they created their gods, I would be my own god.
I would choose my purpose.
If life was going to end at some point for no reason, wtf, I'll live for myself!
I didn't want to live and die and not have anything to be proud of.
And I certainly didn't want to accomplish the same things everyone else did:
Have a job, have kids, have a funeral.
Accomplishing goals was satisfying. It was a bit of happiness.
And if I accomplished lots of goals, I would have a lot of happiness.
Creating art gave me a sense of completion, satisfaction, usefulness, beauty.
So, I wanted to create. I wanted to create ME.
And I wanted to be a work of art too.
So I aim for little milestones.
And what will they add up to?
The perfect me.
My vision of perfect. My ideals.
And I guess that's what I've gathered from life.
The purpose is to create yourself.
And that's pretty much what I live by.
I guess in the end you've just got to decide what you love, where you want to be in life, and how you're going to get there. What's your plan? Is your life going to be a series of meaningless events or a painted, sculpted masterpiece of your design? It's never too late to start dreaming. I got a late start, but I see my future clearer every day. And it makes me smile. =)
I don't believe I'm super original or unique. And I don't believe I'm posting anything revolutionary.
It's just for me, really. But I am happy if you can gain something positive from it all.
... Or atleast make sense of it! =P
Keeping thinking those thin thoughts. <3 I love you guys!