Giving up Something Good for Something Better.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Oh, no you don't...

No, no period, please.. Please do not make me crave things. =(

There are just buckets and buckets of Halloween candy sitting around and an autumn breeze wafting the scent of sweet, sinful chocolate around the kitchen and dining room, driving me absolutely mad. I haven't had any of the candy since it entered the house and I have vowed not to have a SINGLE piece, no matter what. If I can help it I'll never have chocolate again, so long as I live.

I keep telling everyone I've eaten a "ton" of candy and just can't stand to eat anymore. I told them today I don't like Reece's Peanut Butter Cups. And they BELIEVED me! Christ what do they think I am anyway...

My boyfriend and I are going to make cupcakes for the party. FUCK!!! Oh man, it's going to take so much to resist them. But atleast with the chaos of the party I'm sure I'll be able to get away with it, just so long as I can say no. 

I'm starting to think 100 lbs isn't a good weight for me. As you can tell, I'm a fan of curves. And while I want to be thin I want to keep my tits & ass, for the most part. And I highly doubt I'd have them at 100. I think once I get down to like 108 I'll see how I feel. I honestly do want to have some flesh. As much as I like the whole skeletal look, I don't think I want it for me. It works much better for tall girls I think. Maybe 105 will be good?

Being at 111/112 right now (my weight varies a lot, I drink a TON of water) feels pretty decent! I feel really close to what I want! Last night I spent a lot of time looking in my mirrors and actually liking 90% of what I saw. It was weird and nice. I haven't spent much time examining myself lately, just watching the number on the scale, so to see visible changes all of a sudden was a great feeling!

It's just that I'm starting to notice the bones in my chest quite a bit now. Which isn't bad, I like them, I just don't know how bone-y I really want to be. It's a tough balance. I'll definitely have toning to do once I get to 105 (or whatever I decide). My arms, butt and thighs all need to be firmer. But lately I feel like I've made really good progress, like I'm very close to what I want.

Here's a picture of my chest (I'll take it down soon):
*picture removed*

I also don't feel like I won't be able to stop 'losing'. I'll still have to eat healthy to maintain anyway, it's not like I'll get to 105 and be like, "Fuck yeah! Cake and icecream for the rest of my life!" I'll still be eating similarly. I just don't have that desire to be just bones. 

Don't get me wrong, that's a look I totally love and still think is gorgeous. I just also like the sex appeal of curves and I don't want to get rid of all of mine. I just want them in the right places, lol, and not overwhelming. Not like girls who are like "Don't be jealous because I have curves!" when everyone else is thinking "Those aren't curves, those are mounds of lard... but okay..." (Yes, I'm an asshole). I like modern pin-ups. Authentic pin-ups are too plump for me, the modern ideals are more to my liking.

Also, I've pretty much mastered my eating techniques. Such as claiming not to like a certain food and passing it to someone else, or just making a mess of it and tossing it at the end of the meal. It's working so well and really making a difference!  

Anyway! Sorry for rambling, as always. I know it's not much fun to read, I just really want to spit out all these thoughts on this blog. It's such a great release. And I really appreciate those of you that do comment, it makes me smile!

<3 Love you guys!!


  1. <3 <3 You are a beauuuuutiful person, you know that? :)
    Thankyouthankyouthankyou for commenting :)You mean so much to me! Really :)
    It's so wonderful that you know what you want, that you know that you have an aim, and that you know enough is enough, so to speak. That you know you want to be small, but not too boney. I'm scared, because I don't know anymore. I don't know what I want, nor what is to thin, what isn't.
    It's wonderful that you do :)

  2. you are so so SO lucky. and i'm so so jealous! you've mastered your eating techniques, you like 90% of what you see, you've only got about 5lbs to go until you could be happy! i can't wait till i am where you are. you deserve all the benefits hun - congrats




These are my opinions. You do not have to share them. If you disagree with me, please leave. If you are receiving treatment and do not wish to relapse, close this page. Neither you nor I can force the other to start or stop extreme dieting. You are here by choice. Extreme dieting is not good for you and I do not "suggest" or "endorse" it. However I will support you if you already feel the same as I do.