No, no period, please.. Please do not make me crave things. =(
There are just buckets and buckets of Halloween candy sitting around and an autumn breeze wafting the scent of sweet, sinful chocolate around the kitchen and dining room, driving me absolutely mad. I haven't had any of the candy since it entered the house and I have vowed not to have a SINGLE piece, no matter what. If I can help it I'll never have chocolate again, so long as I live.
I keep telling everyone I've eaten a "ton" of candy and just can't stand to eat anymore. I told them today I don't like Reece's Peanut Butter Cups. And they BELIEVED me! Christ what do they think I am anyway...
My boyfriend and I are going to make cupcakes for the party. FUCK!!! Oh man, it's going to take so much to resist them. But atleast with the chaos of the party I'm sure I'll be able to get away with it, just so long as I can say no.
I'm starting to think 100 lbs isn't a good weight for me. As you can tell, I'm a fan of curves. And while I want to be thin I want to keep my tits & ass, for the most part. And I highly doubt I'd have them at 100. I think once I get down to like 108 I'll see how I feel. I honestly do want to have some flesh. As much as I like the whole skeletal look, I don't think I want it for me. It works much better for tall girls I think. Maybe 105 will be good?
Being at 111/112 right now (my weight varies a lot, I drink a TON of water) feels pretty decent! I feel really close to what I want! Last night I spent a lot of time looking in my mirrors and actually liking 90% of what I saw. It was weird and nice. I haven't spent much time examining myself lately, just watching the number on the scale, so to see visible changes all of a sudden was a great feeling!
It's just that I'm starting to notice the bones in my chest quite a bit now. Which isn't bad, I like them, I just don't know how bone-y I really want to be. It's a tough balance. I'll definitely have toning to do once I get to 105 (or whatever I decide). My arms, butt and thighs all need to be firmer. But lately I feel like I've made really good progress, like I'm very close to what I want.
Here's a picture of my chest (I'll take it down soon):
I also don't feel like I won't be able to stop 'losing'. I'll still have to eat healthy to maintain anyway, it's not like I'll get to 105 and be like, "Fuck yeah! Cake and icecream for the rest of my life!" I'll still be eating similarly. I just don't have that desire to be just bones.
Don't get me wrong, that's a look I totally love and still think is gorgeous. I just also like the sex appeal of curves and I don't want to get rid of all of mine. I just want them in the right places, lol, and not overwhelming. Not like girls who are like "Don't be jealous because I have curves!" when everyone else is thinking "Those aren't curves, those are mounds of lard... but okay..." (Yes, I'm an asshole). I like modern pin-ups. Authentic pin-ups are too plump for me, the modern ideals are more to my liking.
Also, I've pretty much mastered my eating techniques. Such as claiming not to like a certain food and passing it to someone else, or just making a mess of it and tossing it at the end of the meal. It's working so well and really making a difference!
Anyway! Sorry for rambling, as always. I know it's not much fun to read, I just really want to spit out all these thoughts on this blog. It's such a great release. And I really appreciate those of you that do comment, it makes me smile!
<3 Love you guys!!