Giving up Something Good for Something Better.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Vomit and Other Horrors to Come

I wish to be this lovely, please...

 I feel so sick. My hormones being on the worst fritz of my life has left me out of control and miserable. The last few days I've just gotten frantically hungry, like I want to eat every last scrap of food I can possibly find... Yesterday I thought it was just a freak thing, but I see a pattern forming now....

Today I ate two huge handfuls of peanuts and raisins followed by atleast 10 rice crisp chips, and for breakfast I had a banana, a corn toastie (they're sort of like English muffins) and a bowl of apple sauce. Then dinner got here and I had half of a turkey sub (wiped off as much mayo as I could) and some veggie soup. 

I can't eat like this. I can't. I don't even want to think about calories, but it's pretty much pointless since the physical pain I'm in is (for once) greater than the mental anyway. My stomach is bloated and cramping and dumping all that food into my already unhappy stomach made it much worse.... I just want it out of me. 

I feel so dirty.

I must have reached 1000 calories today. I must. Twice as much as my limit, and it hurt.
And yet, now that it's starting to get better, I want to eat again. I want something cheesy and/or salty. I've been eating mostly fruits and grains, taking in very little salt. It's making my skin look pretty great but the cravings are lame.

I'm not going to lie, I'm probably going to eat again tonight. 
I can feel it coming. =( 

Plans have changed and I'm going to get to see my honey much sooner! So I won't be posting for a while. I'm excited and upset all at the same time lol. I was hoping I could end all of this bloating before I saw him... Maybe drop a few more pounds too... I just want so badly to wow him a little more every time he sees me. I've lost 8 lbs since he last saw me.....

Also, my scale has finally died. It needs some kind of freaky battery that we don't have just lying around. I don't know what to do. How do I tell my parents we need to get a new battery for the scale? I've decided I can't order one online. I'm just not brave enough.

.... Now what?

The holiday season is coming. Thanksgiving is two weeks away.
 Anyone else terrified? I am....

Also, something I saw that I thought you guys would all enjoy:


  1. i know the feeling...eating so much and then feeling sickly full and it's all mashing up and making you feel like you'll explode from the inside out.
    just focus on that feeling and make it a barrier between you and the fridge. dw we all go through it more often than we would ever like but the good days will return
    stay strong x

  2. I hope you feel better soon, I know what it's like to feel out of control.
    I know you'll get there though, you will. Believe it. xxx




These are my opinions. You do not have to share them. If you disagree with me, please leave. If you are receiving treatment and do not wish to relapse, close this page. Neither you nor I can force the other to start or stop extreme dieting. You are here by choice. Extreme dieting is not good for you and I do not "suggest" or "endorse" it. However I will support you if you already feel the same as I do.