Food Shopping & Thinspo Binge

"You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be."

 I've always felt so LARGE. So bulky, heavy, awkward and in-the-way. It's hard to imagine what it will be like to be tiny. Yeah, I'm already short, but 115 lbs isn't small. 

I'm trying to really picture a tiny, sculpted butt and flat stomach - so flat, there would be no flesh to pinch, just muscle under skin, a lean-mean-skinny-machine!

Of course I've seen a million pictures but it's hard to fathom that being MY body... How can you even picture such a thing? It's nearly impossible to pretend... And yet...

It's surprisingly motivating, despite not having those features yet. "Yet" being the key word!

Just imagine: My love, admiring and lightly touching my flawless soft hips and my smooth, toned bum....

Well, I'm no romance novelist, but you get the picture. The thought of being lovely and tiny for HIM is the best motivation in the world, and imagining those assets on ME for HIM to enjoy.. OMFG I could give up food for the rest of my life! 

He gives me so much, he loves me so deeply, he is my other half and so much more, all I want is to make him proud. To be the lovely little lady on his arm that is too delicious for words - perfect and adorable and sexy. I want to make him feel good while we participate in some PDA, taking me to stores and flaunting me while his friends come over for game nights (which I partake in! I know, a hot girl that plays video games? I'm going to be awesome! Hahaha).

I wake up every morning hoping to see the results of last night's work out. I know, ludicrous, but I keep looking. I think I see changes... It's so hard to tell....

But I took those photos. Those BEFORE photos.

Can't wait to compare them with the afters. ;)

Had half of a granola bar, some Craisins and a few roasted peanuts.

I know, not exactly SGD worthy, but I'm working my ass off! I don't want to destroy my metabolism so quickly. 

However, I really need to get back to 500 calories a day. I went for SO long eating like that, then out of the blue those few weeks back just crashed and burned, longest binge ever...

Anyway! We went grocery shopping today. Tried reading labels to find some "safe" foods. There's no such thing. They put nasty fatty shit in everything, FUCK! Atleast fruits and veggies are safe-ish.

And last night I went on a Thinspo Binge, hehe. Saved well over 200 pictures! I'm trying to revamp my collection by only saving "happy" pictures - no more doom n gloom sad-looking thin girls. It's just not motivating. Not trying to be miss Mary Sunshine, I just really need all the help I can get when it comes to motivation. And if the picture has a good, up-beat mood and "happy energy" to it, it's going to make me feel better, even if just slightly. And I need it. SO THATS THAT.

I'll get there. =) Thanks for reading guys. I try to reply on your posts when I can. 

I really appreciate the following and support.

I know I'm a bit of a nutcase... I'm trying though.