I couldn't really tell you why I just purged for the first time in... so long I can't remember.
I never purged very seriously. But I totally gave it up for like years. And today I stepped on my Wii Fit to see I had gained almost 5 lbs.
Wow. I just ran to the bathroom, tears in my eyes and puked up what little I ate today.
I had a small bowl of mandarin oranges and peaches, a (literal) pinch of Craisins, a granola bar, soup broth (didn't eat any of the meat or veggies) and about 3/4 of an apple. Considering it was mostly healthy stuff, I had no reason to purge. It couldn't have been over 400 calories. I'm still kinda wondering why I convinced myself to do it...
Of course I knew it was a super bad time to weigh myself. I've got my period, I had four 8-ounce cups of tea, two cups of apple juice and a cup of cranberry/peach juice, along with some water and everything up there I had already eaten. Normally I weigh in the morning, and not after I eat. It was dumb.
But... purging felt extraordinary...
I feel like the option has opened up to me better than it ever did. I feel like I can do it really well, too. I'm good at doing it quietly now also, apparently. Boy what a great skill to have. Glad I could put that on a resume, lmfao...
But it makes me feel braver about going to my boyfriends. I can say, screw you chinese food! I can puke you right back up!
I know there's a percentage of those calories you keep but it's better than keeping all of them.
Anyway, continuing to work out every free second I can. Going to try really hard not to eat again tonight. And if I do, I'm going to make sure it's just a few more slices of a mandarin orange or something.
Those pics are all set to "small", so click on them or right click and say "view" to see them bigger if you want to save the full-size versions ;)
Also thank you guys so much! I'm so glad my posts are motivating to you! I know this one isn't super motivating but I actually am feeling good!! Hope you are too! <3 Stay strong and keep thinking those thin thoughts! We'll be there in no time, beautiful!
I get this feeling too, even if i haven't eaten. I need to try steer clear of purging, i hope we both can.. I get the weighing part. I don't know why i do it to myself but i weigh in the evening too then get discouraged haha.
ReplyDeleteThose pictures are just amazing. So beautiful!!
If you get a chance, take a look at this post by me;
http://prettyproslim.blogspot.com/2011/01/dont-wanna-hurt-anymore.html
You're in it (:
Stay strong hun xox
Augh, perfect tummy thinspo! I'm sorry that the eats were difficult recently, but you seem to have a system that works for you. The mandarins sound super good, I packed one for my "lunch" today. A small one is 45cals right?
ReplyDeleteSending you strong skinny vibes!