Giving up Something Good for Something Better.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Stay Strong

Today's consumption
Well, I had to eat dinner. But, I ate half of what I was given (a small porkchop with apples and onions with a slice of bread) and then purged probably 70% of it, which was super easy since I chewed every bite to a bloody pulp! Hehe. I know, I'm rather sick.

No idea how many calories I ingested in the first place, let alone kept. I would say that what was on my plate to begin with was 300-450 calories. Optimistically, I'd say I ate 200. Then purged most of it immediately after. Kept 100, maybe? =/

I did cave and had a banana. Ugh. But I've been working out and it's just so hard to not quit when your stomach is growling at you after ever crunch. I know, I know. I need better control. But it was a healthy snack! I saw those bloody roasted peanuts sitting in the kitchen, their salty, fatty protein-filled deliciousness calling meeeee.... and I said no. I was like "Maybe just one.. A half of one... A nibble... No." Because we all know what a fucking nibble leads to!!

Anyway, I guess that puts my total somewhere around 200-300, but even if it was 400 I'd be just as happy! Under 500! Yay!

Thoughts on Happiness
So, a couple people have mentioned how happy and positive I am. And sometimes I kind of take it for granted. It's taken me several miserable years to get as happy as I am. But, I don't mean to sound like an expert. I still have my issues. And I'm still learning how to get truly motivated. But I guess I have figured out some techniques, and I kind of want to share them. Especially since typing it all out helps me understand it even better, hehe!

Basically my life theory boils down to this: Being sad is a waste of time.

Last night was a low. Not the worst, but definitely not good.
And I woke up this morning and reminded myself that if I spent all day being sad about how FAT I am, I'd probably end up binging or sitting around doing nothing about it. Happiness is pure motivation. Happy people get shit done! It's true. 

Maybe I don't have the ultimate, healthy kind of happiness doctors and psychologists talk about. 
But fuck them. I'm going to do what's right by me.

I know that if I only think about where I am right now, it's not half as motivating as thinking about where I want to be. We don't look at photos of girls with the same body type as us for a reason, right? I find it way more inspiring to think about having a great body than moping over my crappy body.

I try to shut up those voices that keep telling me I'm fat. They're not actually helpful. Constantly putting myself down never gets me anywhere. It's going, "Fuck you food! I'm on the road to SKINNY!!" Instead of, "God I'm way too fat to eat that ;( I wish I could though. My life sucks." that gets me in the mood to "stay strong". 

How can you stay strong if you're always punching yourself in the face?

For me it's like, "Yeah. Tell me something I don't know. Let's do something positive with this now."
I'm not an expert. I can't always think like that. I crash and burn a lot, and obviously I binge.
But I scrape myself off the floor and move on. And I think what has helped me to be positive and motivated is practice, lol. Practicing that technique of "get knocked down, get back up!"

Hating yourself burns: 0 calories 
Telling yourself you're fat burns: 0 calories

Not to mention I use to surround myself with people who did nothing but knock themselves down and do nothing but whine about it. Which is what I use to do. And I found it only made me gain weight. And there's nothing I hate more, so that technique had to change!! Haha

"I get knocked down, but I get back up. You're never gonna keep me down!" 

I know it's cheesy, and I honestly don't practice it more than five minutes a day, but...
Love yourself. 
If only for the sake of making changes.
Or just long enough to get off the sofa and move it!!
Because how much longer do you want to hate yourself because you're fat?
And how far has hating your fat gotten you?

Of course that hate is what got us started.
But is it what keeps you going at a steady rate?
For me, no. But we're all different.

I know most ED mentalities are "PUNISH YOURSELF!!!!!!!" but I can't live the rest of my life like that. I've done that enough. And I want to get much better at being happy.

I saw these ladies on YouTube the other night and omg it just motivated me to dance so much!! I know, it's a bit "slutty", but god they are hott! No clue what they're singing about because it's Russian but it sounds good! Lol! 

 Thank you guys so much for all of your sweet words. <3 It means so much to me.
I'll try to keep posting my motivational thoughts, I'm glad they help you! <3

Stay strong ladies! <3

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These are my opinions. You do not have to share them. If you disagree with me, please leave. If you are receiving treatment and do not wish to relapse, close this page. Neither you nor I can force the other to start or stop extreme dieting. You are here by choice. Extreme dieting is not good for you and I do not "suggest" or "endorse" it. However I will support you if you already feel the same as I do.