Giving up Something Good for Something Better.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

A Letter to Myself & More Thinspo

Remember how you wish you hadn't given up last month? Last year? 
You'll feel the same in a month if you give up now.
Skinny girls don't give up. 
That's why they're skinny.

Good Afternoon!

So I almost didn't get a chance to weigh myself this morning. It was like every time I tried to set up the wii someone would walk in the room, I was ready to rip my hair out. Because even worse than them simply seeing me weighing myself would be them seeing the number on the screen, or the fact that I have a lower BMI now than my little sister (thanks Wii Fit for fucking pointing that out... even though it does make me happy)... I'm going to HAVE to get a scale soon, I can't let my weight be public knowledge on the wii fit. :( Ugh but how..

111.2 lbs

That's 1.3 lbs of loss, thank fucking god!

1.2 lbs away from 110... Maybe I could weigh 110 tomorrow... 

Last night I thought about relapse. And by relapse I mean, a fat relapse, lol. I've done it so many times, I've never gotten under 110 lbs (in recent history anyway), those last 10lbs seem to be the biggest bitch to get rid of. So I thought, I need some insurance. I need a safety net, I need some added love to keep me going, at the very least so I know what I look like at 100, so I know I can do it, even if I don't like how I look. Most of all I need some way to remember what I'm feeling right now.

So I wrote a letter to myself, I'm going to print it and put it inside my pillow or something, and I'm going to post it here. This may be a rough draft, I think I'll add to it when I think of more.

Dear Rowan,

If tomorrow it's hard to be strong, if the cravings are tugging at your heart and your mind, if your stomach aches with hunger, if the hole in your soul starts to feel like food could fill it, if you feel like you don't really want to be thin anymore, please think of me. Think of the girl who wrote this to you, and think of all of her hopes and dreams, and remember that that "harmless little piece of cake/bowl of icecream/slice of pizza" will break her heart, destroy her world and crush her to the core. Remember how close she is to succeeding, and don't take that away from her, because you know you love her. You love how strong she was when she wrote this, how happy and powerful and in control she felt, how food had no power over her, how she could say no to the biggest, most delicious slice of chocolate cake this world has to offer so she can have something better: She can be the thin girl at the party, the one who looked the best in all the pictures, who is the envy of every girl and the dream of every guy.
Remember that you've never truly had that, and how badly you've always longed for it, how much you have envied those girls, always thinking you would never have what they have. Remember how long lasting that happiness is, and how short term that snack will be. You've had so much food in your life, and you will have more. But you will not get the chance to be thin unless you dedicate yourself to it, and that includes the hard times, not just when it's easy to be strong. And don't forget: We are the same person. We will still want the sames things we wanted yesterday in the days, weeks, months and years ahead, and we will only be sadder for what you're about to do. So step back. Stay calm. Take a hot bath, read a book, day dream, draw. Keep the goal in mind and drink some hot tea. Take it one day at a time, no matter how miserable those days may be. Stick to the plan. Food is never as satisfying or explosively delicious as you think it will be, you only end up disappointed and fat. You will thank me when we are the same person again.


I'll respond to comments after my dinner update, which I'll probably just add to this post.

Today's Thinspo
Theme: Calm
I'm sorry I post so much and so often. I'll try to make it worth your while by adding more thinspo. ;) I'll have a daily section from now on, if I can find enough images.

Today's Intake
Breakfast: 1 apple (50 cal)

Lunch/Snack: 2 peanuts (8 cal)
1 prune (25 cal)

Dinner: -

Fluids: Iced Pomegranate Green Tea x3 (0 cal)
Red Goji and Raspberry Green Tea x2 (0 cal)
Passionfruit and Raspberry Green Tea x2 (0 cal)
Water (0 cal) 

Total: 83 cal
(Today's Goal: 450)

Calorie Calendar (4/11 - 4/17)
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
Calories 615 263 455 83  400 500 500
Weight  113.3 ? 112.9 111.2 - - -
Calorie Goal :: Calorie Total :: Met Goal :: Over Goal :: Incomplete 
Weight Loss: 2.1 lbs :: Weight Gain: 0 lbs 

Weekly Goals:
110 lbs by the end of the week.
 Download new work out music
Take new measurements of waist, arms, legs, etc.


  1. Well done with the loss, you will definitly make it to 110 :)
    Don't worry about posting too often, I love reading your posts :)
    Great thinspo!
    Stay strong,
    Lottie x

  2. I personally think you should post MORE, so no worries about posting too much =) You're totally going to be 110 before you even know what happened! I'm so happy for you, Rowan!

  3. I love love love that letter. It's perfect in every way. You'll be 110 sooner than you know it :)

  4. amazing job! I'm so jealous! You're quite the inspiration! I just know you'll be 110 by the end of the week!

  5. you are so going to get there this time. You can do this. much love and skinnies, I'm going to read your letter when I want to binge too. Very motivating today Rowan! :D much love and skinnies

  6. Wonderful letter, that's exactly what I want to say to myself when I'm going to eat (like last night... ugh I'm so disappointed in myself). Good luck in getting to 110!
    Grace and peace,

  7. Aaah, your blog is so beautiful, darling, I can't believe I only discovered it now: but, well, as they say-- better later than never, right? :)

    Your letter to yourself is so lovely, and you're so very right: staying calm is the key. Great job on your weight loss, you're doing wonderfully.

    Good luck achieving your 110 goal, love!




These are my opinions. You do not have to share them. If you disagree with me, please leave. If you are receiving treatment and do not wish to relapse, close this page. Neither you nor I can force the other to start or stop extreme dieting. You are here by choice. Extreme dieting is not good for you and I do not "suggest" or "endorse" it. However I will support you if you already feel the same as I do.