Giving up Something Good for Something Better.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Season of Strawberries

The best way to predict the future is to create it.
So stop worrying about what could go wrong,
And start thinking about what could go right,
And all the great things that will be.

** This was suppose to be posted last night but we lost power, ugh!!

The Best Advice (A Giant Rant)

So, a while ago I received some really inspirational advice. It was probably two, maybe three years ago. And it was one of those things that you listen to, but it takes the right moment, the right situation, to really make you understand it. And lately it's been running through my head a lot. I didn't know how to share it with all of you, but I think if you can come to embrace it you would find it equally as motivating and effective. So here it is, to the best of my understanding:
"Before you can succeed at anything, you have to see it in your mind.
You have to envision yourself there, as if it had already happened.
You have to feel the satisfaction of that accomplishment NOW.
You have to act as if you have it NOW.
Or you will be chasing it in the dark, lost and without direction."
I know it doesn't seem like much, and maybe the person who passed it on to me said it better, but I'm learning more and more how true it is (and how it works). Imagining being in my ideal body is difficult. I can see all my current flaws, I can see everything I want to be different, we're all really great at that. In fact, we're probably champions in the "make yourself feel bad" division of this special olympics. And if there's one thing I've always known (I use to talk about it a lot when I started blogging) it's that a positive attitude and a smile go a million times farther than a frown and feeling defeated. 
I'm no expert at being happy. I've had to work to realize what I have and what I'm capable of, and some days I don't see it anyway. Some days, as my blog has proven, I am totally down-and-out and ready to quit. And maybe it seems hypocritical that I should write about being positive and happy when I'm definitely no Mary Sunshine, but on the days that I can capture that positive attitude, I can conquer the world. And in the past I know I could have felt the same from time to time, but I let the opportunity pass me by, I preferred to wallow in my misery.

But at some point I realized that it's not about being happy for anyone else, or "putting on a mask for the world" so you look happy and make people comfortable, it's the very simple and selfish fact that when you empower yourself and tell yourself "I can" instead of "I can't", you accomplish things, and through that gain satisfaction and happiness. I don't think "happy" comes naturally to everyone. And I don't think it means being perky all the time. I think it means believing in yourself, accomplishing the things you want and removing negative influences from your life so you can shape it into something you're proud of.

And in my case, so I can shape myself into something I'm proud of.

And when you get down to it, sitting around telling yourself how crappy you look or how bad your life is doesn't do anything but make you feel like you've already lost the game. I'm trying to learn more and more how to shut out those negative voices. 

This rant all sparked from those ana & mia letters/guidelines that circulate, with their #1 rule being "hate yourself every minute of every day". Well, guess what? We already do that. We wouldn't be resorting to these extremes if we didn't, we wouldn't need each others support if we started out loving ourselves. And quite honestly I don't see how hating yourself even more can possibly improve anything or make you more likely to eat less and exercise more... I don't get it. Why do we preach that stuff to each other? 

I know we all have very different goals and ideals about what is beautiful and what we're willing to do to obtain that beauty. Personally, my goal is not to kill myself or to end up in a hospital (no one will get to appreciate how fabulous I look if I'm dead, duh!). I want to be underweight but maintain as much of my health as is possible too. This is not to say I judge anyone else's goals or that I honestly think my goals or methods are healthy (they aren't, I know this).

But I think what most of us have in common is that we're doing this so we can like ourselves better, right? But if all I do is beat myself up and curse the cabbage plant under which I was found, that constant barrage of "YOU SUCK" will not only slow down my efforts but also leave a lasting imprint that's going to make 100, 95, or 80 lbs "SUCK" just because that's all I'm capable of thinking anymore. I know because all the years of telling myself "YOU SUCK" is still resounding in my head every day.

I'm not giving up my weight goals any time soon, or ever probably, but I do want to be happy and proud when I get there, and I don't see any harm in telling myself that I AM worth it, that I CAN do it, that I AM beautiful and am only getting MORE BEAUTIFUL. 

Sorry for being preachy, I guess I'm just frustrated by being told by some anonymous image that I should hate myself as much as possible when I'm already very good at that....
 Fucking love yourself, damn it!! Hahahaha

So, the other half of that fantastic advice is this (as it applies to our goals):

Take a few minutes every morning and see yourself in your perfect body. I mean really see it, damn. Really imagine yourself controlling those delicate little wrists and those dainty ankles, those graceful, slim legs and that delightful flat tummy. Now try to go eat a slice of cake, ha! Bet you can't! ;)

Today I am 109 lbs and things are good.
Today's Thinspo
Theme: Long Hair
I chopped my super long hair off a few months ago. 
And I miss it a lot. Going to grow it out again, yay! :)

In Response to your Comments
 Basically I have too many comments right now to reply to them individually, so let me just say:

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart to every single one of you and to all of your blogs, thank you. Your support and love has kept me so much stronger than I would be on my own and I'm so glad so many of you consider my blog inspiring, it certainly has helped me so much. My only regret is that I will probably never get to meet any of you in the real world, hold you, laugh with you, love with you, or be a part of your lives for real. You mean so much to me and yet I can never hug you... Yeah, it kinda blows. But thank you so much guys. <3 I love you, truly. And I hope you love yourselves today, because if anyone deserves some lovin' it's you ladies. <3
Dinner Update  

I am not counting the calories in my fruit snack. I'm going to work out like crazy and I need strength (also my periods on its way and if I don't get some antioxidants my skin is gonna break out like a motherfucker!) not to mention I need to not feel "starving" before I eat those damn tacos.

Had 1 taco for dinner, about 400 cal.

Today's Intake 

Breakfast: 1 prune (25 cal)

Lunch/Snack: 1 cup blueberries and grapes (Free omg!)

Dinner: 1 taco (400 cal)
(ingredients are the same as last weeks taco)

Fluids: Iced Pomegranate Green Tea x1 (0 cal)
Acai and Blueberry Green Tea x2 (0 cal)
Pomegranate and Raspberry Green Tea x1 (0 cal)
Iced Red Peach Tea x3 (0 cal)
Water (0 cal) 

Total: 425 cal
(Today's Goal: 500)

Calorie Calendar (4/11 - 4/17)
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
Calories 615 263 455 433 570 425 500
Weight  113.3 ? 112.9 111.2 110.1 109.2 -
Calorie Goal :: Calorie Total :: Met Goal :: Over Goal :: Incomplete 
Weight Loss: 4.1 lbs :: Weight Gain: 0 lbs 

Weekly Goals:
110 lbs by the end of the week
 Download new work out music
Take new measurements of waist, arms, legs, etc.

1 comment:

  1. You are amazing. You are one of the like 3people I wanted to look up while on trip, because all of your posts inspire me. You sound like you are totally making the push to be healthier, which is awesome. Do you think you'll eventually up the cal intake after ugw? love love and skinnies




These are my opinions. You do not have to share them. If you disagree with me, please leave. If you are receiving treatment and do not wish to relapse, close this page. Neither you nor I can force the other to start or stop extreme dieting. You are here by choice. Extreme dieting is not good for you and I do not "suggest" or "endorse" it. However I will support you if you already feel the same as I do.