Giving up Something Good for Something Better.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Today I am Weightless

She turned her cant's into cans
And her dreams into plans

Today I am Weightless

Good evening, Blogger. :) I feel small and achy today, it's lovely. And I am "weightless" because I could not weigh myself, lol. I didn't get any time alone to do so today. However, everyone else is going out to dinner. I asked to just have the time alone and they agreed that was fine. So, they're about to leave right now, and I think I will weigh myself. But, unless it's a loss I'm not recording it, because I already ate an apple and drank a large amount of tea today. I always weigh in the morning with an empty stomach. I use to weigh all day long and there's really no point. You're just weighing your stomach contents all day. It has nothing to do with your actual body aside from perhaps how it's bloating your stomach. Atleast that's how I feel most of the time now. It took some getting use to when I decided to stop beating myself up after every glass of water. Especially when water and tea are great diet aids and so important for nice skin.

Last night I did have a snack. I felt dirty and fat for doing so, but I knew it was the right thing to do, I don't want to get out of control. So, I ate a yogurt. I guess I opted for this because my stomach has been on the fritz and is cramping and bloating and I'm not even sure if it's from my period anymore (since that hasn't arrived) and yogurt is good for regulating. I had some tums also, and I woke up this morning without the bloating but still a bit crampy. I can deal with cramps though! :)

Also I'll probably have soup for dinner, maybe try to eat a whole can... We'll see. My goal today was 300 but I'm upping it to 400, I really need to stop going so low. I know, it's great to have a low intake but... I don't want to destroy my metabolism. And part of me knows I can't lose TOO fast. I just can't. I'm being watched, even if not that closely, and I can't bear what would happen if they found out, my whole world would change.

Okay, off to weigh and eat dinner, I will post later. ;)

Dinner Update
It's getting harder to eat and easier to starve again. I ate most of the can of soup, probably 130 calories. I ate a piece of toast as well, 100 calories. I feel stuffed. I want to rewind, go back to this morning, go back to feeling empty. I don't know what to say right now, I'm feeling very conflicted. I hate food. I really do. 

But what I hate most of all is advertising. I'm not talking about fashion advertising either. I'm talking about the gorgeous, skinny women eating chocolate bars and talking about how "delicious" McDonald's burgers are. 

I want to live in that world, where you can eat whatever you want and still look fabulously thin and feel overjoyed after you finish eating too.

Oh, and I weighed before dinner. Slightly over 109 still, meaning if I had been able to weigh this morning before all the tea and apple I would have seen a loss. Oh well. Hopefully tomorrow I can weigh.

Thanks for the comments, I'll try to post again later tonight with responses. I just really need to go for a run or something right now..

Today's Intake 

Breakfast: An apple (50 cal)

Lunch/Snack: -

Dinner: Soup (130 cal)
Toast (100 cal)

Fluids: Iced Green Tea (0 cal)
Acai and Blueberry Green Tea  (0 cal)
Iced Red Peach Tea (0 cal)
Water (0 cal) 

Total: 280 cal
(Today's Goal: 400)

Calorie Calendar (4/11 - 4/17)
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
Calories 320 330 280 400 500 400 300
Weight  109.2 ? ? - - - -
Calorie Goal :: Calorie Total :: Met Goal :: Over Goal :: Incomplete 
Weight Loss: 0 lbs :: Weight Gain: 0 lbs 

Weekly Goals
107 lbs by the end of the week
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  1. god, you are so strong! You are lovely. xo A

  2. You are very inspirational<3




These are my opinions. You do not have to share them. If you disagree with me, please leave. If you are receiving treatment and do not wish to relapse, close this page. Neither you nor I can force the other to start or stop extreme dieting. You are here by choice. Extreme dieting is not good for you and I do not "suggest" or "endorse" it. However I will support you if you already feel the same as I do.