I was away for about a week, spending time with my boyfriend, the absolute most important person in my life. Unfortunately we live some distance away right now so I only get to see him for about a week at a time before I have to return to this hell hole. But I feel so lucky to have him. He is truly the most extraordinary person I have ever met. When I'm with him nothing else seems to matter. He literally makes my ED feel nonexistent. I mean, my eating habits don't change much, but it's like my mouth goes through the motions while my mind is completely occupied by other things... Of course I've learned there's no way to convince other people of how deeply we care for each other, but if you're bothering to read this you might as well believe me when I say we will spend the rest of our lives together. That's just how it is. And somehow... he makes me feel beautiful.
However, I did end up binging (my sort of binge - 700 calories) last night while feeling especially miserable for being home, away from him. Frozen yogurt. Great gobs of it. "Forbidden Fudge Brownie". I know, just reading it is probably enough to make a person gain a few pounds (sorry!).
Anyway. My great passion in life is art. Digital and traditional illustration. I can't share my art here, but I've been thinking about doing some ED inspired drawings that I would post only here. It would be nice.. And I draw a lot of "sickly" thin girls anyway, just to shred them before anyone else sees them. I guess it would be natural to assume I'm a shitty artist but I'm really not too bad.
I'm trying to read all the blogs I missed, and it sucks that I probably won't be able to comment on many... But I'm glad you guys are still actively posting, and I will be too. =)
I had some soup earlier today. And I guess my binge attitude carried into this morning because I didn't even measure it or check the calories (holy crap) but I'm headed outside for a nice long run as soon as I post this. I'm really in a shit mood and probably will be for a few days while the pain of being separated is still fresh. Sorry for being a bit dramatic.