This Body is Just a Temp

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

But sometimes I think I'm trying to find myself under all of this fat.

I had a super low night after eating so much. I just felt awful. 
I felt like all the progress I've made means nothing because I'm still fat. 

I promised myself I wouldn't tell my boyfriend how low I was feeling. I was still crying when he called, and I had to shut myself up so many times, but by the end of the conversation I cracked and admitted I was upset about my body, about how heavy I am. I can tell it hurts him when I say this shit. I know I'm being ridiculous to everyone else. I know no one else sees me as "obese" when I have a perfectly average weight. 

But average might as well be morbidly obese.

Sometimes it feels like this horrible beast. Like losing weight is an epic battle for your life and you're just always getting beaten down by things not of your control. But it's really not. 
 
It's just a simple matter of saying no. Of remembering what's more important.
And I need to stay in that mindset. I'm going to make that binge motivation.
It was DUMB. And I'm not. I'm stronger than that and I'm going to prove it.

And really it didn't set me back THAT much. It was only a potato, some grilled chicken and a salad. The ranch dressing was the problem, but that's okay, I'll work it off like everything else.

I'm fasting as much as I'm allowed today! I had to eat some mandarin orange slices this morning so everyone else would be happy that I ate. Somewhere better 60 and 90 calories.

I don't know if I can get out of dinner, but I'm going to try my best. 
 I feel mostly empty, a tad bit hungry. And it makes me feel prettier... I know I'm not any different than I was yesterday, atleast not by much, but my stomach is flat and not bloated and I feel great. :) It's motivating!


I'm going to work out later and I'm already feeling better. I will get there.
I am not stuck with this body. This body is temporary.
It's a punishment for eating so much.


But I will be thin in time! I guess that's what gets me really down, feeling like I'm stuck in this body. It really helps to remember it's only for now. Just a little longer. In fact, I decided how much longer.

Send me strength! <33 Thank you so much for the comments! I'll reply soon!
And yes, absolutely go ahead and make a body priority list if you want to!
I saw it on someone else's blog a while back! :)