It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get up.
I ate too much tonight. Chicken tenders, and I had a whole one. Atleast it was only 1 out of the 3 I was given, and they were from a local restaurant, not McDonalds or anything gross like that. It's so hard not to stuff my face when I'm so bloody hungry. But I guess that's the point. Atleast all day I had nothing but fruit until dinner. I did have a lot of fruit though. The mandarin orange slices this morning, most of an apple, grapes, and an orange.
People on the SGD (skinny girl diet) don't count fruit and veggies, and after I read that I felt much less guilty... But I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing, lol.
Really there's no point in feeling guilty though. It's not going to get me closer. What I do in the here and now is what gets me closer. Which is why I'm posting right now -- I need that jolt of motivation and desire I get from being on here. I've got time to myself for several hours, so I'm going to work my fat ass out until I can't move anymore.
I'm trying to balance several things in my mind right now:
1] I don't want to lose my boobs. Boobs = fat and I know my body wants to burn them off.
2] I don't want to keep taking my diet to such extremes that I can never eat anything because I have no metabolism.
3] I want to be skinny.
4] If I have no strength from lack of food, I can't work out.
5] If I can't work out, I can't tone anything, and I'll start burning fewer calories.
6] I know other people eat nothing and work out until they collapse - but that's not going to last in the long term.
Maybe I'm not ana. Maybe because I see the future I'm not. Maybe because I want a semi-healthy balance I don't have an ED. I don't know what defines it for sure, but... I want to keep losing, regardless. I can't keep looking like this for the rest of my life. I don't want to be fat and ugly for the rest of my life.
It's such a conundrum isn't it?
I purged a bit. Oh gosh. Maybe I need to take the purging down a notch already, lol.
ANYWAY!! NOT LOSING FOCUS!!
Back to the grindstone for me! My muscles are aching and I know it's a good sign but goddam it's making it hard to keep going. I can do it though!
Once more, with feeling!
<3
People on the SGD (skinny girl diet) don't count fruit and veggies, and after I read that I felt much less guilty... But I can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing, lol.
Really there's no point in feeling guilty though. It's not going to get me closer. What I do in the here and now is what gets me closer. Which is why I'm posting right now -- I need that jolt of motivation and desire I get from being on here. I've got time to myself for several hours, so I'm going to work my fat ass out until I can't move anymore.
I'm trying to balance several things in my mind right now:
1] I don't want to lose my boobs. Boobs = fat and I know my body wants to burn them off.
2] I don't want to keep taking my diet to such extremes that I can never eat anything because I have no metabolism.
3] I want to be skinny.
4] If I have no strength from lack of food, I can't work out.
5] If I can't work out, I can't tone anything, and I'll start burning fewer calories.
6] I know other people eat nothing and work out until they collapse - but that's not going to last in the long term.
Maybe I'm not ana. Maybe because I see the future I'm not. Maybe because I want a semi-healthy balance I don't have an ED. I don't know what defines it for sure, but... I want to keep losing, regardless. I can't keep looking like this for the rest of my life. I don't want to be fat and ugly for the rest of my life.
It's such a conundrum isn't it?
I purged a bit. Oh gosh. Maybe I need to take the purging down a notch already, lol.
ANYWAY!! NOT LOSING FOCUS!!
Back to the grindstone for me! My muscles are aching and I know it's a good sign but goddam it's making it hard to keep going. I can do it though!
Once more, with feeling!
<3
I know what you mean about the things on your mind, because I feel the same way. I'm goal oriented (honestly with lower goals than I've told anyone) with my weight loss, and it comes through a lot of calorie restriction and exercise, but I don't want to ruin my metabolism, fall into a binge-purge cycle, or get skinny-fat. I think you're sounding level headed and on track to be honest, like you're in this for the long haul :D
ReplyDeleteOy me, I hear you. We want to lose this disgusting body, but we see the long term. It's so hard. I feel for you love.
ReplyDeleteAll I can give you today is encouragement. Do what is best for your body today, and that'll be the best you can do. Right?
Sending Skinnies!