I'm sorry I've had to post so much moody stuff today. I'm cramping, bloated and it's not time for my period, but who knows, maybe I'm getting it anyway. I just feel like CRUD. Pure crud.
Please be aware, this post will not be motivating in any way but I really REALLY have to get it out or I'm going to burst.
I feel like all I've done today is eat. I don't even want to talk about it.
Why is it that starving for a week makes you lose a pound, but binging for a day = +5 lbs?
Shitty metabolism, that's why.
No, I didn't actually gain 5 lbs today. If I had I'd probably be jumping off a bridge right now.
I just want to take every pretty, lovely thin girl I come across and chuck them into a boiling pot of water and turn them into stew.... I hate them. And I hate that most of them were born like that. LIKE MY SISTERS. Who eat two+ bowls of ice cream a day after 4 large meals and are still under weight. Why do I have to hurt so much for this? Am I being punished? Was I pretty in a last life and didn't appreciate it?
Fuck everything. I just want to cry. I'm so tired of being strong.
I'm so tired of pretending this obsession doesn't wear me out every fucking day....
I'm so tired of putting on the happy face in hopes that some day I will be thin.
I WAS MEANT TO BE A FAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT LARD BUCKET. :(
Trash, ladies. I am trash. Trashed. Thrashed.
I'm so tired of looking at pictures of myself and seeing nothing but FAAAAAAT.
I want to change, I want to be thin and better and pretty and lovely.
But sometimes I wonder if I really have it in me to get there.
Why does this feel like a battle some days??
Why is it that three days ago I felt like a fucking rock star with all the secrets to life?
Why could I talk about happiness like I'm motherfucking Dr. Phil and now all I want to do is light this goddamn city on fire??
I'm going to bed so I can't eat anymore.
First I'm having some fucking CHOCOLATE though.
Because I'll need a reason to run until my legs splinter tomorrow.
I'm so sorry you guys... :( Don't hate me.