Giving up Something Good for Something Better.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Rise and Shine!

Our time is waiting right outside your door
And maybe tomorrow is a better day
- Poets of the Fall

 Good Morning Pretty Ladies!

 Feeling much better today, hooray! And even better, I woke up and everyone else was eating cereal with milk (my favorites too - honey cheerios and raisin bran crunch) and I was like, "Maybe just a bowl... It's only like.... 260... calories..." And Ana said, "No. You'll just feel guilty. You know it feels better to resist." And she was right. I had an orange, which was just as delicious and came with the added bonus of being healthy and low cal, of course. So I feel pretty damn good! Normally I give in to my cereal cravings. So proud of myself!!

Breakfast: 1 Orange (80 cal)

Last Night was Rough.

Last night was oddly horrible... While talking to the boy I asked him if he was flirting with another girl. Now, he is the most honest, wonderful, romantic man in the entire world and I know he treasures me just as much as I treasure him, and he was really hurt by what I said. :( I apologized for ages, I knew he wouldn't do something like that...

It's just that I'm so insecure. I don't feel good enough for him. And in the far back of my mind there's still pieces of the girl I use to be - the girl in the crappy, abusive relationships that just expects to be hurt all the time. And sometimes, in my moments of weakness, she speaks.
I was just so ill yesterday and so weak, but I couldn't tell him, "I'm starving so I look good for our vacation, okay?!" and I was just feeling low, so I let the comment slip out without thinking about how it would make him feel.

I already knew the answer. I just wanted to hear him say it.
And deep down I know exactly what kind of reassurance I was hoping for:
"Oh hon of course not! You're so much more beautiful than she is!"
That's not what he said... But I still sort of wish he had brought it up.

 Because I am so vain. 

And even though I really do want to hear, "I love you and wouldn't do that," I also want to know that I'm prettier. Is that wrong? :(

 Anyway, we've been texting all morning about how much we love each other and we're both sorry for making the other one sad, blah blah blah. I really need to stay in control of my mouth though. I know when I'm hungry and exhausted I say the most awful things, I get suspicious and paranoid and jealous... 

It will be better in a few weeks when I've been on track for a while and my body is happy on a 500 calorie day.

 New Page - Low Cal Ideas!

Check it out! I added another page last night when I had to take a break from working out. It's a collection of food suggestions from different blogs and websites that I come across. I'm really bad at saving them, and so I forget, but now I have a reason to remember!! The link is at the top of my blog with the other pages! If you gave me a suggestion and I didn't link to your blog, please let me know so I can add a link to you! :)

Also -
Thanks for the compliments on my calendar guys! I can't believe how encouraging it's been! It's like a game - I don't want to get any red dots! Haha! But if you want to steal it absolutely feel free! Or I can send you the code, I totally don't mind! :) It's just a table.

Also adding a blue dot, so we know today's intake isn't completed yet. I'll update this post or post again after dinner. :) I think I'll be ready to pass on that award by then! Sorry it's taking a while!

<3 Love you guys!

Weekly Calorie Calendar (3/14 - 3/20)
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
489 570 495 80
400 600
Final Total :: Calorie Goal :: Met Goal :: Over Goal :: Incomplete
This Week's Excess Calories: 70

1 comment:

  1. Well done, your breakfast was great!
    Aww well at least now you know he wasn't flirting with her. And it's not selfish to want to be told you are pretty, don't worry :)
    Stay strong,
    Lottie x




These are my opinions. You do not have to share them. If you disagree with me, please leave. If you are receiving treatment and do not wish to relapse, close this page. Neither you nor I can force the other to start or stop extreme dieting. You are here by choice. Extreme dieting is not good for you and I do not "suggest" or "endorse" it. However I will support you if you already feel the same as I do.