Rise and Shine!

 

Our time is waiting right outside your door
And maybe tomorrow is a better day
- Poets of the Fall

 Good Morning Pretty Ladies!

 Feeling much better today, hooray! And even better, I woke up and everyone else was eating cereal with milk (my favorites too - honey cheerios and raisin bran crunch) and I was like, "Maybe just a bowl... It's only like.... 260... calories..." And Ana said, "No. You'll just feel guilty. You know it feels better to resist." And she was right. I had an orange, which was just as delicious and came with the added bonus of being healthy and low cal, of course. So I feel pretty damn good! Normally I give in to my cereal cravings. So proud of myself!!

Breakfast: 1 Orange (80 cal)

Last Night was Rough.

Last night was oddly horrible... While talking to the boy I asked him if he was flirting with another girl. Now, he is the most honest, wonderful, romantic man in the entire world and I know he treasures me just as much as I treasure him, and he was really hurt by what I said. :( I apologized for ages, I knew he wouldn't do something like that...

It's just that I'm so insecure. I don't feel good enough for him. And in the far back of my mind there's still pieces of the girl I use to be - the girl in the crappy, abusive relationships that just expects to be hurt all the time. And sometimes, in my moments of weakness, she speaks.

I was just so ill yesterday and so weak, but I couldn't tell him, "I'm starving so I look good for our vacation, okay?!" and I was just feeling low, so I let the comment slip out without thinking about how it would make him feel.

I already knew the answer. I just wanted to hear him say it.

And deep down I know exactly what kind of reassurance I was hoping for:

"Oh hon of course not! You're so much more beautiful than she is!"

That's not what he said... But I still sort of wish he had brought it up.

 Because I am so vain. 

And even though I really do want to hear, "I love you and wouldn't do that," I also want to know that I'm prettier. Is that wrong? :(

 Anyway, we've been texting all morning about how much we love each other and we're both sorry for making the other one sad, blah blah blah. I really need to stay in control of my mouth though. I know when I'm hungry and exhausted I say the most awful things, I get suspicious and paranoid and jealous... 

It will be better in a few weeks when I've been on track for a while and my body is happy on a 500 calorie day.

 New Page - Low Cal Ideas!

Check it out! I added another page last night when I had to take a break from working out. It's a collection of food suggestions from different blogs and websites that I come across. I'm really bad at saving them, and so I forget, but now I have a reason to remember!! The link is at the top of my blog with the other pages! If you gave me a suggestion and I didn't link to your blog, please let me know so I can add a link to you! :)

Also -

Thanks for the compliments on my calendar guys! I can't believe how encouraging it's been! It's like a game - I don't want to get any red dots! Haha! But if you want to steal it absolutely feel free! Or I can send you the code, I totally don't mind! :) It's just a table.

Also adding a blue dot, so we know today's intake isn't completed yet. I'll update this post or post again after dinner. :) I think I'll be ready to pass on that award by then! Sorry it's taking a while!

<3 Love you guys!

Weekly Calorie Calendar (3/14 - 3/20)

Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
• 489	• 570	• 495	• 80	400	600	600

Final Total :: Calorie Goal :: • Met Goal :: • Over Goal :: • Incomplete

This Week's Excess Calories: 70