Time for Extremes.

When you're cooking, make sure you chew gum at the same time 

so you won't be tempted to take little bites of the stuff you're cooking.

- Just a random thin tip -

What's in my Tummy?
Well. This morning, there were pancakes for breakfast - but I feigned a stomach ache and didn't have ANY. Not even a bit of bacon! There were some apples sliced up to go with the pancakes so I had a few slices.

Breakfast: 0 cal.

 Snack: 1 apple, 1 orange. 95 cal

Then, I had to go out to dinner to celebrate my mum's birthday. Thankfully, it was a chain restaurant that put the calories on the menu. I chose a steak and shrimp dish that was 525 calories and a side of sweet potato. I had maybe 1/3 of the 6 oz steak, three shrimp, a good helping of the steamed broccoli, and a few bites of the sweet potato. I don't know how many calories I consumed exactly, but I don't really trust that that WHOLE dish was 525 calories anyway. 

Dinner: 500 cal ...maybe?

Ugh but then of course there had to be cake. I shared a slice with my sister, we didn't finish it, but I had several bites. :( 

Dessert: ~100 cal. :(

Somewhere around 695 calories for today.

All in all, for a birthday at a restaurant, I think I did pretty good, especially for trying to climb back on the wagon still. 

And you know what? This success might just be what I needed. I came home and worked out for about an hour, and I've been pacing and stair climbing all night lol. I've been reading through diet tips and ana websites when I need a break, and I've loaded my MP3 up with thinspo so I can watch a slide show of it while I fall asleep tonight!!

And you know what else?

I AM SO DONE FUCKING AROUND.

I am back on this wagon!

I want to be a lovely little doll, I want to feel bone under flesh. 

And I want to feel better.

Better than how I feel right now, better than the girls I envy. 

After doing this for several years I know how to tell if I'm really back on the wagon or only halfheartedly telling myself that I'm "back on track" in the hope of convincing myself I really am, when I know I'm not (if that makes sense). And I'm back. 100%. Tomorrow it's going to be 110% and I'm going to push harder than ever. I feel so good about this.

I need to be irresistible to my boy. I need to have a body that will make him CRAVE me when I'm gone. Come on, who wouldn't want that?

I want to be crave worthy.

And I'm ready to get there.

I feel so good about this. I'm not going to let myself down again. 

THIS IS IT.

<3 I love you girls. Thank you for being here when I have no one else.

Thank you for not judging, for just letting me... be free.

<3

Stay strong!