Giving up Something Good for Something Better.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Go Away, Mia!

Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise.
-The Beatles
The Inner Struggle
 Sorry for posting again, but my other post was getting so long and I need to post a Mia vent. Alex posted a sort of "Binge Wish List" and it inspired me to do the same and just get it off my chest! :) 

 My Binge Wish List:
(READ WITH CAUTION! In fact, you probably shouldn't read it.)
Double-stuffed mint Oreo, brownies with peanut butter, forbidden fudge brownie ice cream, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Raisin Bran Crunch cereal, honey roasted peanuts, chocolate truffles, chocolate mousse cake, carrot cake, blueberry muffins, french toast, breakfast sausage, clam chowder soup, deviled eggs, tuna sandwich, cinnamon raisin toast with butter, garlic bread, shrimp fettuccine Alfredo, Honey Bunches of Oats cereal, tacos smothered in cheese and sour cream, stuffed crust pizza, sweet potato french fries, sour cream and onion chips, BBQ wings, pancakes and home fries....

I will stop now before I start crying.

And Mia is whispering sweet things in my ear.... She seduces me quietly, "You can have them all, completely free of consequence. All you have to do is eat up and embrace me. Everyone else is asleep...

No, Mia. You are never without consequences. You never really get rid of all those calories, there's always some left behind. You leave me sore and shaky, you confuse my body and destroy my metabolism, and the second we start being friends again Ana won't speak to me and I lose control for days, maybe weeks. I don't want to play your games anymore. Besides, my make-up looks adorable today, and if I purge my eyes will water and my mascara will run and quite frankly, I don't need that on top of everything else, kaythanksbye.

Dinner was rough but I managed to mush every bite around in my mouth for so long it no longer tasted good, somehow controlling myself and keeping my portion small. I didn't even clean my plate. I feel like it may have been more than 400, but I'm bad at judging these things when I didn't cook it and it wasn't prepackaged. Ugh! I can't wait to be out of this fat house!!

Oh, Mia. Please, I'm just not in the mood to battle you. Maybe I shall just go to bed.

I'm only three short days away from my weigh-in as well as the weigh-in for Skinny_El's contest (see my blog a few posts back, it's not too late to join!). I can do this. I can stay focused.

I feel small right now. I know I don't really have reason to, but... I can play pretend. At least my tummy has stopped grumbling, it's much easier to sleep when I'm not hungry. :)

Thank you all so much for your endless, wonderful support. Everytime I read your comments I feel so loved, the support is such a great relief for me, just knowing there's people out their who understand and don't want to change who I am. It's so comforting, to finally have a place where my dark little secret is completely accepted, it's like the burden is totally lifted from my shoulders. Oh Blogger, oh girls, where have you been all my life? <3 

Love and thin thoughts to you all!
Hang in there, and remember tomorrow is what you make it.
It can't always rain.

Today's Intake
Breakfast: An orange (50 cal)

Lunch/Snack: 1 dried prune (25 cal)

Dinner: Steak with onions and egg noodles ~3oz?, slice bread (400 cal?)

Fluids: Iced Pomegranate Green Tea x6 (0 cal)
Mango and Passion fruit Green Tea x2 (0 cal)
Iced Green Tea x8 (0 cal)
Water (0 cal)

Total: 475

Calorie Calendar (4/4 - 4/10)
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
485 230 275 475 400 300
 Calorie Goal :: Calorie Total :: Met Goal :: Over Goal :: Incomplete 
Over-Goal Calories: 0  :: Under-Goal Calories: 235

Weekly Goals:
Weigh-in on Monday April 11th & incorporate weight to my chart
 Write-up a new work out routine and schedule by the end of the week

1 comment:

  1. Don't give in to those urges. You are strong, beautiful. You can do this :)




These are my opinions. You do not have to share them. If you disagree with me, please leave. If you are receiving treatment and do not wish to relapse, close this page. Neither you nor I can force the other to start or stop extreme dieting. You are here by choice. Extreme dieting is not good for you and I do not "suggest" or "endorse" it. However I will support you if you already feel the same as I do.