(This isn't me. Just a lovely tummy.)
I'd like to be thinner than that though.
This afternoon I was hungry. Genuinely hungry. Almost that heartburn feeling in my throat. Which was just completely out of nowhere, I don't feel hungry too often. Even when I fast it takes longer to get that feeling. I even ate some dry bran cereal and Craisins this morning (trying to get my metabolism kick-started in the mornings again so my workouts will be more effective). Maybe it's just the start of this new birth control I'm on... I love being on the pill after the first three months are over. My skin has such a nice glow to it and losing weight is always easier when I'm on it. I guess I got lucky in that department, since they said I could gain weight from being on it too. But I have decent willpower, and I assume weight gain happens to people who don't.
Of course, I had to eat dinner. Barbecue ribs. I was TERRIFIED. Utterly mortified. Feeling hungry right before I'm forced to eat is scary..
But, surprisingly ribs are really great! That is, I can leave a ton on my plate and no one notices, because of all the inedible bits and bones that everyone HAS to leave on their plate. By the way, I've only ever had ribs once before tonight, thus my being clueless. So I just made a complete mess, had some bites and was done. Freedom. More meals with bones please, so I can see bones all day long...
I weighed myself before dinner - 116.5 lbs. I really hope I'm not plateauing.. Just 6 more pounds, Ro! You can do it! Well, ten more after that, but who's counting....
I'm going away this weekend. For early Halloween celebrations. Which means candy and booze and who knows what other temptations. I'm going to establish some rules right this second. NO candy. NO food. Oh yeah.. That's right. I'm good at not eating. And I love thin, I love thin, I loooove thin. I love grabbing my ribs, digging my thumbs into my hips and running my fingers up and down my spine. I love knowing that some day soon they will be all the more prominent, they will define me. I will have shape - I will not be this flabby sack of parasitic flesh.
I'm really getting there.
I know, I'm still pretty huge....
But one day I'll be able to post, "Current Weight: 100 lbs." I will shout it in my head a millions times a day - 100! Look at those beautiful zeros! Empty like my tummy!
I want to keep my boobs though. I'm a big B cup, C sometimes. I like boobs. Having them, that is. And I think I would be lonely without them. My boyfriend would certainly start force-feeding me if I lost them. He doesn't like fake tits either, and I consider that a really attractive option. But his opinion matters so much to me... It's just that they are, by nature, perfect. They don't droop, they're the right size and shape, you can go without a bra and they still look perky and plump... Why is it so wrong to want that?
But GOD I love visiting my blog now! All this inspiration just makes me feel so much better. It just reminds me that all the food I feel sad for missing out on is just dirt. It's just worthless shit and I have no reason to feel sad. When I look at the fridge I say, "Fridge pickers wear big knickers!" in my head. And when I must go without something tasty, I remember - "When you say 'no thank you' you're actually saying 'yes please' to thin!"
And yay! Thank you for answering my last blog, xXxPerfectLiexXx! I would love to be ana buddies and I will message you after I post this! You're beautiful!
Keep thinking thin thoughts ladies and gents. =)