(This isn't me. Just a lovely tummy.)
I'd like to be thinner than that though.
This afternoon I was hungry. Genuinely hungry. Almost that heartburn feeling in my throat. Which was just completely out of nowhere, I don't feel hungry too often. Even when I fast it takes longer to get that feeling. I even ate some dry bran cereal and Craisins this morning (trying to get my metabolism kick-started in the mornings again so my workouts will be more effective). Maybe it's just the start of this new birth control I'm on... I love being on the pill after the first three months are over. My skin has such a nice glow to it and losing weight is always easier when I'm on it. I guess I got lucky in that department, since they said I could gain weight from being on it too. But I have decent willpower, and I assume weight gain happens to people who don't.
Of course, I had to eat dinner. Barbecue ribs. I was TERRIFIED. Utterly mortified. Feeling hungry right before I'm forced to eat is scary..
But, surprisingly ribs are really great! That is, I can leave a ton on my plate and no one notices, because of all the inedible bits and bones that everyone HAS to leave on their plate. By the way, I've only ever had ribs once before tonight, thus my being clueless. So I just made a complete mess, had some bites and was done. Freedom. More meals with bones please, so I can see bones all day long...
I weighed myself before dinner - 116.5 lbs. I really hope I'm not plateauing.. Just 6 more pounds, Ro! You can do it! Well, ten more after that, but who's counting....
I'm going away this weekend. For early Halloween celebrations. Which means candy and booze and who knows what other temptations. I'm going to establish some rules right this second. NO candy. NO food. Oh yeah.. That's right. I'm good at not eating. And I love thin, I love thin, I loooove thin. I love grabbing my ribs, digging my thumbs into my hips and running my fingers up and down my spine. I love knowing that some day soon they will be all the more prominent, they will define me. I will have shape - I will not be this flabby sack of parasitic flesh.
I'm really getting there.
I know, I'm still pretty huge....
But one day I'll be able to post, "Current Weight: 100 lbs." I will shout it in my head a millions times a day - 100! Look at those beautiful zeros! Empty like my tummy!
I want to keep my boobs though. I'm a big B cup, C sometimes. I like boobs. Having them, that is. And I think I would be lonely without them. My boyfriend would certainly start force-feeding me if I lost them. He doesn't like fake tits either, and I consider that a really attractive option. But his opinion matters so much to me... It's just that they are, by nature, perfect. They don't droop, they're the right size and shape, you can go without a bra and they still look perky and plump... Why is it so wrong to want that?
But GOD I love visiting my blog now! All this inspiration just makes me feel so much better. It just reminds me that all the food I feel sad for missing out on is just dirt. It's just worthless shit and I have no reason to feel sad. When I look at the fridge I say, "Fridge pickers wear big knickers!" in my head. And when I must go without something tasty, I remember - "When you say 'no thank you' you're actually saying 'yes please' to thin!"
Keep thinking thin thoughts ladies and gents. =)
Naww you are just too sweet <3
ReplyDeleteAnd I wouldn't worry about losing your tits if I were you, the hormones in birth control make them expand like crazy.
And I know what you mean about loving thin, today I was lying in my bed just staring at my reflection. Since I've been fasting for the last couple of days my stomach is completely empty and when I lie on my back I can see my ribs and hip bones :D haven't been able to do that for a while.
so how have you been doing diet wise? are you restricting to a certain amount of cals a day or just winging it?
I've been counting calories for a few years now so I'm pretty good at it. My rule is to never go over 500 calories a day. =) But the most important thing I've found is to not only count calories, but to be really picky about what makes up those calories. I try to eat only healthy, natural things as much as I can. Because there's a difference between 500 calories of cookies and soda and 500 calories of apples and low-fat reduced-sodium soup, hehe!
ReplyDeleteAnd that's so awesome!! I've got three small mirrors and two full-length mirrors in my room so I spend a lot of time doing the same lol!
And that's great news about my tits lol. I'm awfully attached them haha!